Tag: walker
Cane and Able
Before and after a major back operation in 2003, I had been using a walker due to the fact my balance and my gait were so far out of wack that I needed to lean on something or I couldn’t remain upright… Or I just couldn’t get from point A to point B.
In May or 2004 — about six months after surgery — I switched from walking with a walker to walking with a cane. I quickly adjusted to life with another assistant device always clutched in my hand. I had just finished up with physical therapy, and I had been hoping I’d be past the need for anything to help me out.
So now it’s August 2008… Just days away from an anniversary of another major operation. Instead of marking the occasion with downer stories and worries and what not, I made a little choice during the day on Friday that’s effected my entire weekend and maybe my day-to-day life from now on.
I haven’t used my cane.
I own a pair of folding canes — one for the yard, the other for general use. I also have a solid wood one. All of them are scattered around the house, but out in obvious places as just-in-case reminders. The thing is, I haven’t needed them. I haven’t wanted them. I haven’t sought them. After 4 years of using them, I’m long overdue to take a liberating step without assistance. And that’s what I’ve done. Neighborhood walks, shopping walks, etc. It’s been a challenge but also a boost to my own self confidence in my physical ability.
It’s a small thing, really… And if i were sitting there reading this blog post, I’d be bummed out at the topic in the first place. But this isn’t supposed to be a post about tearing down as so much building up. A long overdue buildup. We’ll see how long this lasts.
the three I's of current
I grew up a fan of the WWF and I re-acquired my fondness for wrestling late int eh 1990’s during the WCW/WWF wars. One of the performers for the WWF (now WWE) was former Olympic gold medalist Kurt Angle who played a pompous and crass patriot who embodied everything that you could dispise about an athlete. Selfishness, arrogance, etc, etc.
Kurt had a good “angle” though and played the part well. Still does in fact. One part of his repetoir was talking about his three I’s — three words begining with I that were his guiding principles — of Intensity, Integrity and Intelligence.
You realize that the country currently has it’s own three I’s? These aren’t principles that are guiding us but they are factors in our daily lives:
Inflation – you will not hear the Federal Reserve chairman talking about inflation, nor will you hear the Bush administration talk about how costs have skyrocketed over a short period of time. Everyone knows about gas prices, but real estate prices, durable goods, groceries, insurance premiums, medical care — everything is spiking for the common person. The federal governent is just concerned with the mega-ultra-large corporations in how they deal with this. Corporatiosn are going strong right now while workers wages are stagnent. It’s been almost a decade since minimum wage was increased in the United States and instead of promoting better treatment for employees, the Bush administration has worked vigilently to repeal work laws so corporations can profit and not be stradled by the costs of labor.
Intolerance – you reep what you sow and that is the case with the Dubai Port World deal and George Walker Bush signing off on the deal. Bush made Arab’s into the boogeyman of the 21st century with his rhetoric after 9-11. The propoganda coming out of the White House tied Iraq to 9-11 in order to justify the invasion of Iraq. People were scared and reacted to just that, signing off on the war because those damn Arabs attacked us first! (wwhich is a flat out lie and ignorant assumption by the citizens of the US)
So the Dubai Ports deal comes through and Bush has no problem with it — it’s a furtherment of his pro-big business agenda. Bill Clinton signs off on it and does what he can to help out behind the scenes (as Slick Willie has always been a proponent of Globalization — as is New York Times writer Paul Krugman). Everyone expects a free pass over this as that is how the country has operated since 9-11 (allowing Bush to get whatever he wanted)…
…Until the public learns about the deal.
Everyone cries foul — Republicans and Democrats alike. The Xenophobia of the Arab Boogeyman that Bush’s administration has so well played rears it’s ugly head. An Arab country in charge of US Ports?! An Arab country with ties to 9-11?!?
And yet, Krugman had a good point in a recent article which denounced this intolerance. The United States should be an active player in the global economy and we cannot run scared from a country in the middle east because of the ignorant and arrogant propoganda show that was put out by the Administration to further it’s agenda.
Of course I could go on about intolerance — everyone beign afraid of homosexuals, blacks and whites in the continued racial war of poverty, faux-Christians sullying Christian ideals and justifying hatred, violence and greed in His name, etc…
Isolationism – Go it alone, “with us or against us,” and the country trumping the world in matters of global politics (be it war, peace, treaties, signing off on elected officials in other countries or dispatchign elected officials in others)Â The US has become largely islolated with thanks to it’s policies while being depedant and indebted to cheap foreign labor and despot oil suppliers.
Things
The last month has been one of change for me. Physical change, emotional (?) change, personal change and some changes around me. They’ve been more accomplishments than setback and my mood hasn’t always been the best but there is progress in my life and that makes me feel better than I’ve felt in a long, long time.
Last year around this time I was falling into an abyss as I was losing ability with my legs. Go back for yourselves and take a look at June and July 2003 and you can find my personal writings that talk about my legs giving out from under me. Now? Now I’m again at a point where there is a great deal of light in front of me but I am not entirely ready to emerge from the tunnel of darkness.
Jack Ryan needed a year to regain the ability to walk, that was what was said in The Hunt For Red October and I won’t be surprised if it lingers that long for me.
Anyway, I’ve traded my walker (which I only use rarely) for a red cane and am mixed using that and trying to walk on my own. Comes and goes with how well I can do that but it’s close enough for government work.
I started not posting onto this journal last month because I’ve had my room torn up and lost in discordia (we’ll get to the discordia reference in a minute kiddies :wink ) as I’ve finally had my ugly mica furniture removed as well as had a real floor put in… It’s a big change from what I have had. Brighter. More positive for that matter. Good for the soul, say thank ya.
And of course things really got better the last week with me getting out and seeing I could do again – that’s with help, however. I have to still put up a post about what went on with my friend Keith but that’s for another post. Maybe tomorrow.
As for now, I go back to Stephen King’s latest – Song of Susannah which I’m enjoying as I near the finish of the book. Big step up from his last Dark Tower novel. I will give you a better review of the book when I am done…
Positives are around… Quite a change of pace for the Artful Dodger, but positives are around again — thank God.
Got Type-casting?
So Brian Spilner… er, I mean Paul Walker is being courted to play Michael Knight or whoever the hero character ends up being in a Knight Rider movie…
As if they couldn’t do worse when it comes to finding someone to play the role.
Oh, I don’t mean to put down Paul Walker who I like regardless of the babble of a script that he was stuck with in 2 Fast 2 Furious, and the part he played in another mockery of another Crichton novel, Timeline. Regardless of all that, Paul Walker is the worst casting choice they could make for the movie — for both Walker and the Film itself for that matter.
As I started out this entry, Paul Walker is associated with Brian Spilner – the character he portrayed in the first two Fast and the Furious movies. Not only that, but Spilner’s character is supposed to be undercover law enforcement and a pretty good street racer (but he’s no Dominic Toretto – Vin Diesel’s character). Does he really want to be typecast into another Car flick? I mean, he was in a beat up car for most of Joyride” and the two Fast movies made big on the driving part…
And any role in Knight Rider would force him to further play the driver role. That being said, he’d be smart to turn the other cheek toward the project.
Now, whoever the hell is putting together the Knight Rider film does indeed want to cater a bit to the crowd of car fanatics that made the Fast movies big hits. They also want to distance themselves from the cheese of David Hasselhoff’s career. Fine, you can do that but dear god — if you want to imitate Fast and the Furious, don’t go so far as casting someone from those pictures to lead your film! You do not want Fast and the Furious fans coming into the theater expecting a third installment of the film series, only to find out that the flick is about a crime fighter and his talking, supped up car.
That being said, I still have hopes for a Knight Rider film, but they surely have to brain up unless this is going to be a spoof film all the way.
Dependence
I admit it, I am a junkie. A total, dyed-in-wool junkie…
I want my walker fix, I need my assistive walker fix! If I don’t have my fix, I go crazy! I have a difficult time doing routine things like, well, walking! I need to lean! I want to lean! I want your support walker! UGH!
Seriously though, folks, being a gimp as my medical posts have so often referenced, I’ve been using a walker since last August and I’m starting to get peeved I am still dependent on it. Oh no, it’s not because I physically can’t walk without it any more… It’s that… Well, I can’t LET myself walk without it. It becomes so difficult!
I looked around the Internet and I couldn’t find anything on the psychological dependence patients build towards assistive devices in case they are using them for a long time. I’ve been confident that exists for a very long time after seeing plenty of elderly people, after surgery, insist on continuing to use assistive devices that they no longer need. It’s easier that way. I have to agree with them but at the same time — I’m a 24 year old and walking around as a gimp without something to lean on kills my social life.
Friend: “So, you wanna hang out?”
Me: “Sure, just make sure you drop me off curb side because the pavement is cracked in front of the building. Also help me get to my seat — screw chivalry! — I look like a fool pushing this aluminum walking thing around.”
Fun stuff :rolleyes
SO I gotta try to kick the habit. Be that by upgrading to a cane and making it Swing or by just getting rid of the walker and forcing myself to walk without it. Easier said than don, either way.
A day of Ups and Downs
I’ve been torn this evening on my mood for the day as it has changed over and over again from positive to negative to positive again. I’ve been walking around without the walker today – and when I say that I don’t mean walking and leaning on shit but walking walking a weird walk that was almost toddler like but I was doing it. That had me stoked to no end….
But then the other shoe fell as I got a message from my friend Michelle. Michelle has been a friend for a year now and it came as news to me, and as quite a shock when I found out that she will be moving to Brooksville in July as her family just bought land up there. I’m friend with her dad too and the fact we talk online mostly means I won’t have that relationship bothered much but to lose Michelle hurts.
Of course, this was made up for to me in the smallest of ways as the Lightning beat the Islanders and moved on to the 2nd round of the NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs… But that really doesn’t help me feel better that a good friend is going away.
Walk like a Man
Now John is stumbling around the house a bit — sans a walker.
For the first time in a very long time I am trying to make some headway around the house without a metal walker clutched in my hands… It’s difficult because I am still leaning against things and still walking with stiff legs for some reason or another but its a hell of a lot better than being certain that I would be trapped as a gimp for a long long time.
Further evidence that I am progressing — going shopping and not using a rinky dink electric cart to buzz around the store on Tuesday. That was fab.
Wit's End
I keep stating to friends that I am at wit’s end right now. I am waking up in the morning with no idea why I should get out of bed. I read the paper and maybe have a bite to eat when I DO get out of bed and then there is nothing else for me — the day is me gimping around or on the computer, both of which I get sick of.
I said a few months ago on here that i thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel with regards to rehabbing and getting better from previous operations – but it’s a deceptive light. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m still dependent on the walker and it’s making me fear going out and doing or attempting to do — or just flat out holding me back. Psychologically, that is…
Things gotta improve – they just gotta… I don’t know how much more of the down I can take without a blast of the UP, so to speak.
King Gimp
Oh, the life of a walker-bound sports fan…
Last night me, Michelle, her brother Geoff and one of Geoff’s friends attend the Lightning vs. Devils game at Times Palace. The game itself was a bore for the most part but the company was real good.
What sucked was getting to and from the arena.
I haven’t walked through a cityscape with this walker and my first experience with that was last night – it’s tough folks. It’s even tougher getting into an arena without knowing the access points for cripples and gimps… No offense intended towards the disabled.
And leaving the building? Don’t get me started…
Still on Team Dean
*sigh* — oh the Humanity…
John F. Kerry might be grinning like a schoolboy and John Edwards might be giddy too because they both have found new life after the Iowa caucus, but at the same time I have seen the Democratic Party take a severe hit. Mr. Dead and Mr. Inexperienced have gotten their new life and the villain — Howard Dean — from the Media’s take, is all but over as a candidate.
And if that’s the case, expect four more years of George W. Bush as president of the United States.
Look, this might look like sour grapes to certain democrats who see Bush as someone who HAS to get thrown out of office, no matter who it is facing him in November…. But the fact is John Kerry can’t carry the Democratic Party to victory in November. That’s been the case since he’s planned on running for President. Head to head, Bush would fleece Kerry in a general election not because of politics alone, but sheer personality. You see, Kerry lacks a personality… He comes off dead in both his looks and his attempts to show he has some shred of character. Riding motorcycles just won’t cut it, he comes off like Al Gore did in 2000.
Then there’s the “more of the same” dilemma to boot.
Kerry and Edwards are members of a group of Democrats who have failed to win over the hearts and minds of Americans as they have sat on Capital Hill. Not only have they failed on that task, they’ve failed to stand up for principles and values that are supposedly things that define the Democratic party. The fact they both voted for the Iraq war — and Kerry twisting the logic behind his yes vote shows his desperation to change history — is just part of the reason why I cannot bring myself to vote for either of them come November. It’s philosophical but at the same time, it’s personal. I’ve seen them both slander the lead candidate and twist his words, I’ve seen them both act exactly the same (in a non-impressive fashion) when speaking publicly…. More of the same, more of the same…
:puke
I don’t want more of the same. That was part of the reason I didn’t vote for Gore in the 2000 election — more of the same would have been scandals and his own flip-flopping on issues when speaking in public. Flip flopping specifically to seem more like his opponent and appeal to the moderates who were trying to guess who they would vote for. I certainly don’t want a candidate who is concerned about polling numbers and demographics when he tries to plot out how he would lead the United States. I want someone who’s not afraid to go against the grain, speak his mind, show some balls and kick some ass…
John F. Kerry, Joesph Lieberman, John Edwards and Dennis Kucinich don’t show that character… Al Sharpton may, but unfortunately he is also on the fringe. Howard Dean has consistently showed this and despite his loss in Iowa, despite the repeated airplay of his terrible Iowa speech blow-up, and despite what the media is saying, I still believe in him. I still back him… And I will continue to back him.
Heck, if Kerry or Edwards got the party nomination, I would sooner write Howard Dean in as where my vote was going than vote for them.
I believe in Dean.
One might get upset or urge me to think about General Wesley Clark, and for the most part — I’ve been thinking about him more lately as an alternative if in fact Dean is somehow eliminated in the near future (while Clark continues)…. The only problem with Clark is that, while he is knew to Politics, he comes off as a puppet of his advisor’s. THAT is more of the same as well — the same being George Walker Bush, the grand puppet of his advisor’s will… That isn’t something that appeals to me.
Dean appeals to me as being his own man… Someone willing to stand up and say “That’s not right!” and pick a fight over the issue….
Something Kerry failed to do.
Something Edwards and Lieberman failed to do.
Something Kucinich goes a little too wacky with his alternatives….
Something Sharpton needs to hone a little more…
Something Clark’s stances on aren’t always clear….
Something leading me to remain adamant that Howard Brush Dean, Medical Doctor, Former Governor of Vermont, is the one who should be the Forty Fourth president of the United States.
Balance of Power
So it’s been almost six months since I started to heavily use a walker to get around the house and through day to day life because my balance had been fudged up. I still heavily use a walker but there is a light – distant at best, but a light ever still – at the end of the long, dark tunnel.
I’ve been starting to stand from a sitting position without having to clutch onto things… I’ve been able to keep standing up, after I’ve been up and around with the walker, without having to keep grasping onto the walker. I’ve been able to do stuff at counters without leaning up against those counters in order to keep my balance…
Yes, there’s a light… the question is how long it will be before I get a full blast of sun on my face instead of just this distant, wayward light?
Defective Candidates — the Spoilers
defective yeti: Taking Stuplimity To The Whole First Level
Spoiler Candidates
Says Wesley Clark’s campaign: “Lieberman is like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense: He’s dead and doesn’t know it yet.”
Jeeze — just blurt out the ending, why don’t you?! What if everyone followed your example?
Clark: “The Republicans’ feckless approach to foreign policy has so radically changed the world that, like the Planet of the Apes, it’s no longer even recognizable as Earth.”
Dean: “When it came to authorizing the war in Iraq, the other candidates were like the characters in Murder In The Orient Express: they all did it.”
Gephardt: “Kucinich’s worldview is so idealist that he reminds me of Charles Foster Kane, pining for the halcyon days when the most important thing in the world was a sled named Rosebud.”
Kerry: “George Bush is like Luke Skywalker: powerful because his father is a influential figure in a evil organization.”
Mosley-Braun: “If you don’t vote for me you will wind up with a candidate who, like the main character in The Crying Game, is a man.”
Long Overdue Sports Roundup
Well, I have totally avoided the subject of sports for the most part — I don’t mean certain sports topics because I know I have left a couple of sports entries the past month but I haven’t written much of anything with concern of los deportes since October 2003 with the Marlins winning the World Series, and there is always a vast allotment of things to talk about with regards to Pro Sports that I have passed over for the sake of just being a lazy ass….
So let me get cracking with regards to sports and my sports world here in Tampa Bay. Where shall I begin?
I made a post in October regarding the Bucs vs. Indianapolis Colts and expect the Bucs to get a win and my friend Bill’s new born niece to get a “birthday present”. I never, however, posted the fact that Los Buccaneeros de Tampa Bay went ahead and blew the game. That game and the utter let down by both the offense and the defense basically summed up the Bucs season from that point on — full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. The once dominating Tampa Bay defense turned into a shell of itself. The over-hyped Jon Gruden offense was a disaster area, committing penalty after penalty in order to kill drives and kill chances of victory. Former University of Florida offensive lineman Kenyatta Walker was horrendous with regards to committing infractions at the worst times….
And this was just the start of things.
Jon Gruden and Keyshawn Johnson clashed and Jon Gruden deactivated Keyshawn at midway through the season. This caused a great deal of conflict in the Buccaneers front office, along with other problems that weren’t known to the average Buc fan. Rich McKay, Buccaneer General Manager and son of it’s first head coach, Jim McKay, ended up leaving the team because of conflicts with Gruden. Some people might have sided with Jon Gruden and his “Just win, baby” style that he picked up from Al Davis while he coached with the Raiders, but I’m someone who believes that McKay was the more-valuable between the two. McKay built the Buccaneer team that went on to win the Super Bowl in 2003. He helped turn the Buc franchise around from perennial losers to the winning franchise it has been the last 6 years.
But now he’s been shown the door…
He wasn’t very fond of some of the low-quality personnel that Jon Gruden was after — low quality when it comes to moral standards and length-of-rap-sheets and I am one that agrees on that. I guess it’s the fact that I saw Tony Dungy – a high quality person and a moral leader – come into the Bucs, change them into winners on field, and expect players to perform on field and be respectable off it as Dungy did. When players got into trouble while Dungy was head coach, it would mean that you would soon be shown the door if your infraction was big enough. I’m not talking about missing team meetings, I’m talking about crimes that players get away with so often in society.
The Bucs finished 7 and nine, there worst finish since 1998. Looking at 2004 with Gruden and Ray Allen, newly hired GM from the Raiders, in charge…. i don’t hold optimism toward the team for one reason or another. Maybe it’s parity alone that spoils my optimism for the club or perhaps it is the “Just win” attitude? The mystique is gone for the time being… When it returns for me is anyone’s guess.
Meanwhile, the Tampa Bay Lightning seem on a rebound as of late after falling into the gutter through November and December. After a white-hot start, the team fizzled through the next 24 games and only now dseem to be turning the corner back towards winning – and even now, that isn’t certain. Looking at the problems the Bolts have faced, I have been somewhere in the middle with regards to firing John Tortorella or just making a trade to shake up the roster and bring in some new blood. I personally believe that a new player – an upper echelon type of guy, could have helped the team get back to winning but hindsight is 20-20… it also might have led to destroying the chemistry of the team…
Pete Rose is all over the news because he finally came out and admitted he bet on Baseball. It’s an awkward situation because Rose took the hoopla away from the Hall of Fame ballotting that happened this week and also hasn’t won over any traditionalists in baseball. The sympathizers (like myself) think Pete should be in the hall regardless… The traditionalists think the lifetime ban should stay in place because now there is proof Rose committed the cardinal sin of Baseball by betting on games…
Only time will tell if Pete gets his just due and gets enshrined in the hall.
Stir Crazy
I’m going insane. Slowly but surely, I am going insane.
You see, I’ve been without the ability to walk safely for several months now and I have been houseridden since September since I had surgery on my upper back. During that time my leg muscles have gotten stronger but alas — the nerves running to my legs have only gotten weaker and my balance has also suffered.
I live on the 2nd floor of a house that is anything but a place for a disabled person to live. I have the damnedest time getting up and down the stairs and it takes an effort. When I am downstairs, I either have to use a walker or I have to roll around in a wheelchair. This is a big departure for me, as I used to walk for miles just for the hell of it. Now I can’t bring myself to walk very well because my legs have given out on me.
So I’m forced to do up-and-down the stairs and around-the-house a few hundred times a day and that is the extent of me getting around, and it is driving me fucking insane. You are probably wondering “Why aren’t you going outside, John?” The answer to that question is because of the “stoop” that I have to get over to get out the door while wheelchair bound. Even WHEN I get out the door, sometimes I have my parents and brother carelessly parked so I can’t exit the walkway because their cars are in the way.
And when I get around the car? If I get around the car? Then it’s a matter of my own strength and my own determination to get down the block – which is a difficult task in a wheelchair when you have a hill that slants the sidewalk. I being a wheelchair novice, have the damnedest time trying to deal with that, and end up annoyed and just plain tired with pushing myself by the time I reach a certain point two or three houses away.
I am going oh so crazy. Six, five, four, three, two, one, switch.
(anyone remember Sharon, Lois and Bram? :tongue)
SO up and down and around and around and around the first floor is my flight plan if anything and even THEN — staying inside — I have too many things in my way or making it tough for me to get around — tables positioned a certain way, chairs in the way, my mothers sandals kicked out in the open, end tables, etc, etc, etc.
This house is no place for a disabled person and this thing that some woudl argue is a life, is not worth living right now. Purpose escapes me, the simple refuge of gettin gaway also escapes me. How I lust for the past… Walking for miles just for the hell of it seems so long ago. The shopping centers where I would go seem so far away now… So far away when you just can’t get out there on your own….
Lack of comprehension
It really bugs me… not just bugs me – hurts me — when I have someone close to me not able to comprehend what I’m going through with my life and doesn’t seem to open up to try to understand it better.
Who am I talking about? My brother.
You see, Mike decided to get on me because he found out a birthday gift I got him cost a bit of cash.. This is the same guy who gave me an LCD monitor as a gift last year… Him bitching about expensive gifts is the last thing he should be doing. At any rate, he also wanted me to watch the first season of Alias and got on me when he found out I hadn’t been wasting my time watching it all day every day.
He then got on me for my time spent online and told me I really needed to just drop online friends period.
Great, Mike, you hit the nail on the head with something I would love to do. Did you forget that I lost my hearing a few years back and it makes physical conversation difficult (so much so that if you won’t make an attempt to talk to me, why do you think others will)? How about the fact that I don’t have a social job right now, compared to yourself, that gets me out in the open every day? Well, before you harp on me about having a job, how about the fact you see I am a gimp right now and walking around with a walker? Struggling up and down the stairs every day and a god-damned shut in up until I get a wheelchair? Does that, possibly, make any more sense to you why I deal with anyone online instead of going out right now…?
It’s not like I gave up on life… Unlike the man who harped on me for not sitting on my ass and just watching movies all day… No… I try to accomplish with the little bit of ability I have to do stuff (writing, web design). Maybe I talk to people online but it’s not like it’s a wide plethora of people. In fact it’s a closing world of people….
Sorry to whine, sorry to rant, sorry to have the bar at the Pity Party open for business… I just had to vent my frustrations.
Loneliness, Southbound
So what have I done the past four days in my house? Just about everything…. Alone at that.
In fact I went and put on a pot of coffee for my parents about the time their flight got in. You know, Mr. Nice Guy and stuff like that. I would never do some shit like this if I wasn’t craving attention in some way. How was I thanked? I think I got 10 words total out of both my parents when I talked to them. Oh, they could give me the rub that they were tired — or someone else might make that case with me – but they sure as shit had a lot to talk about with my older brother. They weren’t as dismissive or non-inquiring about things.
And what about John?
Lets see, I’m using a WALKER to keep my balance at times around the house, I can’t just leave the house… I’ve been stuck here with someone who believed I couldn’t handle shit in the house alone and yet he was also someone who wouldn’t bother trying to talk to me much — if at all — the entire time.
To say the least, I’ve been lonely. I’m still lonely… I don’t know how the hell I am going to get through the next few weeks in the hospital feeling like this, because it’s not like I’m going to have people stopping by much.
I’m lost. Plain and simple, I am lost.
