Tag: The Life
A little advice, hai?
I’m going to a Japanese Steakhouse and Sushi bar tomorrow. I’ve never done Japanese meals — Sushi or Japanese prepared entries. That being said, I could use some advice on what to try or what to avoid.
I’d like to get through this without gagging, or without throwing up and looking like a fool (not that I can avoid it) too badly… So please comment away for, say, the next 16 hours…
I need to start paying heed to what I write
Back in July, I wrote a disgusted little message to myself:
Note to self: People make time for what’s important to them. Be they friends, ideas, events, etc. Proof of this is someone’s trip to (South Florida) while not being able to stop by while only a matter of blocks away during upteen days of (recent) past.
So what should we have learned here kids? “You make time for what’s important to you” as I said directly. You make time for kids, you make time for pets, you make time for friends and certainly for those you have interest in. When you or someone else doesn’t make that time – well, search down deeply enough to see if what’s important to you is as important as what is keeping you from those that matter to you.
Why am I bringing all this stuff up? Because after an eye opening encounter I’ve gone right back to this square one. From the point where I have someone aware of what’s been obvious for a while to right back to what I used to deal with.
Closing from that post in July that I linked to and quoted at the top? It still applies: And so it goes, and so it stays…
I've Lost You Again Today
The conversation closed and the good Lord only knows
When I’ll speak with you again
You’re leaving today, winging ‘way on a plane
And I’ve lost you again today
We’ve known each other for quite a few years,
Shared our laughter, anger and tears
We’re lovers of past
Friends of today
Yet something’s been missing in things we say
I lost you once when you needed space
I lost you twice when you moved away
I’ve lost you to another man
Now I’m losing you to a foreign land
But away, you’ve gotta go
The life you chose is the life you know
And your life’s heading in another direction
We’d only crossed at an intersection
Each time you’ve gone, you’ve come back to me
And I hope that’s how it’ll always be
I know you’re happy with the plan:
You’re path in life, your future, your man
But something in me’s been gone a long, long time
The joy you bring and the way you can–
Fill me up with hope and glee
Honey, you’ve always completed me
But the time grows short and the rhyme grows long
I look again and now you’re gone
You’re on your way, with part of me
It seems that you have some secret key
You unlock my smiles and my zany side
Ignite my passions and calm my mind
But you’re not mine — yet you’ll always be
I’ve lost you again, you’re flying free
I’ve lost you again, as you glide ‘cross the sea
© 2005 John Fontana
In the life of bard: Good News, bad news
My, what a pleasurable sensation….
It’s been over a year – close to a year and a half – since I wrote a short story or actually completed a short story. The good news is that I’ve got a draft of a 3600 word short story done. I’ll edit it a few times before I give it a final approval. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that I think it might be too perdictable. I mean, it pulls at heart strings and the target audience has liked it sus far (the two people I have had read it) but…
Eh…. The art of editing is to improve your story as much as possible. We’ll see if that does it.
A Day In The Life — 24 Years to the Grave…
Sorry for the lack of updates — besides being tied down with Chantilly Lace work I have been hit hard with computer hardware problems which have basically rendered my computer trash.
I was focusing on this today – the computer problems… And focusing on things going on around me here at home… When it really hit me what today was… I happened to be channel surfing at the time and Imagine: John Lennon showed up on the screen and I felt like I was committing blesphamy….
I hadn’t forgotten. I had just dismissed things… And the documentary really threw me back into realizing the relevance of the day and the significance of what was lost.
Rest in peace, John Ono Lennon. Rest in peace.
There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them allBut of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you moreThough I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more
King Gimp
Oh, the life of a walker-bound sports fan…
Last night me, Michelle, her brother Geoff and one of Geoff’s friends attend the Lightning vs. Devils game at Times Palace. The game itself was a bore for the most part but the company was real good.
What sucked was getting to and from the arena.
I haven’t walked through a cityscape with this walker and my first experience with that was last night – it’s tough folks. It’s even tougher getting into an arena without knowing the access points for cripples and gimps… No offense intended towards the disabled.
And leaving the building? Don’t get me started…
Long Overdue Sports Roundup
Well, I have totally avoided the subject of sports for the most part — I don’t mean certain sports topics because I know I have left a couple of sports entries the past month but I haven’t written much of anything with concern of los deportes since October 2003 with the Marlins winning the World Series, and there is always a vast allotment of things to talk about with regards to Pro Sports that I have passed over for the sake of just being a lazy ass….
So let me get cracking with regards to sports and my sports world here in Tampa Bay. Where shall I begin?
I made a post in October regarding the Bucs vs. Indianapolis Colts and expect the Bucs to get a win and my friend Bill’s new born niece to get a “birthday present”. I never, however, posted the fact that Los Buccaneeros de Tampa Bay went ahead and blew the game. That game and the utter let down by both the offense and the defense basically summed up the Bucs season from that point on — full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. The once dominating Tampa Bay defense turned into a shell of itself. The over-hyped Jon Gruden offense was a disaster area, committing penalty after penalty in order to kill drives and kill chances of victory. Former University of Florida offensive lineman Kenyatta Walker was horrendous with regards to committing infractions at the worst times….
And this was just the start of things.
Jon Gruden and Keyshawn Johnson clashed and Jon Gruden deactivated Keyshawn at midway through the season. This caused a great deal of conflict in the Buccaneers front office, along with other problems that weren’t known to the average Buc fan. Rich McKay, Buccaneer General Manager and son of it’s first head coach, Jim McKay, ended up leaving the team because of conflicts with Gruden. Some people might have sided with Jon Gruden and his “Just win, baby” style that he picked up from Al Davis while he coached with the Raiders, but I’m someone who believes that McKay was the more-valuable between the two. McKay built the Buccaneer team that went on to win the Super Bowl in 2003. He helped turn the Buc franchise around from perennial losers to the winning franchise it has been the last 6 years.
But now he’s been shown the door…
He wasn’t very fond of some of the low-quality personnel that Jon Gruden was after — low quality when it comes to moral standards and length-of-rap-sheets and I am one that agrees on that. I guess it’s the fact that I saw Tony Dungy – a high quality person and a moral leader – come into the Bucs, change them into winners on field, and expect players to perform on field and be respectable off it as Dungy did. When players got into trouble while Dungy was head coach, it would mean that you would soon be shown the door if your infraction was big enough. I’m not talking about missing team meetings, I’m talking about crimes that players get away with so often in society.
The Bucs finished 7 and nine, there worst finish since 1998. Looking at 2004 with Gruden and Ray Allen, newly hired GM from the Raiders, in charge…. i don’t hold optimism toward the team for one reason or another. Maybe it’s parity alone that spoils my optimism for the club or perhaps it is the “Just win” attitude? The mystique is gone for the time being… When it returns for me is anyone’s guess.
Meanwhile, the Tampa Bay Lightning seem on a rebound as of late after falling into the gutter through November and December. After a white-hot start, the team fizzled through the next 24 games and only now dseem to be turning the corner back towards winning – and even now, that isn’t certain. Looking at the problems the Bolts have faced, I have been somewhere in the middle with regards to firing John Tortorella or just making a trade to shake up the roster and bring in some new blood. I personally believe that a new player – an upper echelon type of guy, could have helped the team get back to winning but hindsight is 20-20… it also might have led to destroying the chemistry of the team…
Pete Rose is all over the news because he finally came out and admitted he bet on Baseball. It’s an awkward situation because Rose took the hoopla away from the Hall of Fame ballotting that happened this week and also hasn’t won over any traditionalists in baseball. The sympathizers (like myself) think Pete should be in the hall regardless… The traditionalists think the lifetime ban should stay in place because now there is proof Rose committed the cardinal sin of Baseball by betting on games…
Only time will tell if Pete gets his just due and gets enshrined in the hall.
Back in Black – the Dodger Boy returns to the Scene of the Crime
Thank you, thank you… Please hold the applause… Please… I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy I’m….
Oh, the hell with it… Who’s clapping anyway? Little Miss Avoidance? Miss I-hooked-up-and-don’t-have-the-nerve-to-say-anything-to-
you-because-my-ties-to-you-are-nil-while-I-am-with-another? Oh yeah, maybe some of my friends who knew how fucked my situation was going into November 26th and know just what the outcome has been might be the ones clapping.
I beat the fucking odds.
I exorcised the fucking demon.
I had my miracle and God slapped me on the back and told me with a good natured grin, “You fell for it, you shit. Now get back in the game.”
I’m home.I can walk, I can talk, and I can type into this fucking blog my rants and raves and all my bullshit once again. I’m ANGRY, I’m HUNGRY, I’m in need of a some venting here and there but this is a GOOD angry, this is a DAMNED good angry. This is an angry I don’t know who the hell would be able to identify with and I don’t know who would even try.
You see, over the summer things got grim. There was this blackness hanging over my life. Everyone around me knew about it, I dreaded it, I loathed it, I was desperate for escape from it. That blackness was all the grim possibilities of my future if things didn’t get corrected.
I went under the knife in August, still in grim shape – still loathing, still scared, still sad, and what happened was I didn’t get shit fixed. Instead of going out and getting my problems washed away – I had more doubts exposed, more bad thoughts brought to the forefront, the dread conquered me and it grew every day from early September till those last weeks of November.
My friends supported me. Those who strung me along wanted to be done with me for there own personal good, others just met me and left me because I had this doubt and this negativity around me. Indeed there was too much negativity around me. There may STILL be negativity around me in the next few weeks as I face adversity and have to come back physically (and emotionall) from what I just went through.
For the record? Fuck negativity.
For the record? Fuck adversity.
Life’s a game and I am back on the playing board. I thought I was just going to be a piece on the side that didn’t get used because life has a way of taking you out of the game. Fuck that. Fuck the idea that I should worry, or I should hurt, or I should doubt I will find something I ma deserving of — be it in love, life, business or whatever. Fuck it all — I WANT IT ALL. I’m going to get it all, and God is going to be on my side as long as I don’t hurt, maim or kill to accomplish that.
I want the challenge. The blackness is gone. The looming sense of dread is gone. I want the challenge of life again. My first is getting my ass back in shape, the next is … well, the next piece I haven’t thought of yet because there are many pieces. It’s also dependent on the first piece of it all.
I posted a “Missing” picture” a few months ago on this very blog… Posting some of my former pictures and asking “Have you seen this boy?” in a mock tribute to Robert Patrick in Terminator 2…. I’ll tell you right now – the cocky and optimistic son of a bitch who founded this site, who got the Beatles balls in an uproar, who’s pissed off the locals with his liberal talk, who’s upset the government with his public votes of incompetence, who’s gone through more pain and hardship than most will experience in their lives — that fucker is me and that fucker is back in charge of the life of John Fontana.
Maybe it’s the drugs talking? Maybe I wake up tomorrow from my bed and try to figure out what is my purpose in life again?
Yeah? Well, what if I wake up tomorrow and I just say “Lets go” and do what I need to do – it’d be the same thing but with a better attitude. I need to accomplish things on my own — Lets go, I gotta get it done. I don’t need to procrastinate, I don’t need to avoid, I don’t need to pussy foot and hide from the problem.
I’m back, ladies and gentlemen….. Time will tell the tale just WTF is in store but I am back. Let it roll, let the sun shine in and all that jazz…
Survival of the Fittest
Well, the good news is I am not dead yet.
…
No, no… it’s not that bad, I’m just tired right now and not thinking straight for the most part. I got to Bartels office at 11, waited till about 1 to see him, you can imagine how much fun that was. And my appointment didn’t last more than 10 minutes… I mean, I like the guy, he’s someone that you got to respect and trust, but jebus, Doctor Bartels, hire another doctor to share the load with yourself… There were people in there that waited just as long or longer than I did to see him and it’s just sorta sad.
So what IS the verdict anyway?
I’m honestly not exactly sure, though I should have been more forward in finding out what was up though Doc was pretty certain that it wasn’t tumors in my head doing everything that was wrong with me. The tumor that is causing my leg weakness is also helping throw off my balance from what I was told…
Great, perfect, juuuuuuuuust perfect…
But it’s not as grim as I saw it just a week ago, that’s good. Not going to be pleasant though with whatever the next step is – that’s bad.
Anyway, in other news I’m getting attached to another Howard Dean support site by my web-friend Chris who runs the satire extremes George Bush for President ’04 (or W04), Red Tide News, and of course the social blog Kill the Web which I regularly contribute to over there (but too often in a political form and not just social stuff and pop culture mumbo jumbo that could easily be bloggered). This new site (deanfilter) goes on top of my message board for the local dean activists who haven’t yet entirely flocked to my humble web site.
(Insolent peons! You will love me and bow down to me and flock to my site or I’ll… I’ll… um… Hold on, it’ll come to me… Ok, I’ll do nothing except bitch and moan. What else do I do anyway? :-p )
