Tag: joke
Wire(d)less
My annual forray to the West Coast is approaching fast. Yep, it’s been a year since I went to Los Angeles last and I’ll be heading back to the City of Night in early October. While the schedule is nothing I haven’t done before (Tampa to Dallas to LA and back again in 4 days, same hotel that I’ve stayed in the last 2 years) there is a bothersome logistics problem I need to solve between now and my departure date.
Basically it’s some form of communications between LA and home.
For the first time since 2001, I need to stay connected with things back home. Certain groups and parties are counting on the ability to get-in-touch with me so I can do some work while away from the Bay area. That’s good, that’s fine. This isn’t a vacation after all. Also I need to stay in touch with family so I don’t show up on a milk carton if no one hears from me in 12 hours or more (yeah, the fam gets frantic if I don’t stay in touch).
So what are my choices?
I’ve looked at older laptop computers being resold on Ebay and by Dell itself as a possible solution — though my hotel doesn’t offer Wireless access, nor are their dataport connections free. I’ve been casually looking at the Danger Sidekick 2 – which would give me both IM and Internet access while on the go — but I’m not so keen on the huge purchase costs as well as a nice large monthly fee to keep the thing usable.
My Ogo is a joke — barely holds a charge, and I canceled the account anyway. Most other IM devices are extra costly…
I’m in a land of wonderment, without much cash to throw around and solve my dilemna.
Fontana MD
So I’m sitting down, watching the opening minutes of House last night on FOX and end up going hysterical over the fact that House drugged his former lovers husband and called the paramedics before he even arrived… It just seemed so funny and prick-ish and just perfect for Greg House (Hugh Laurie, who hath erased the mockery of his abilities that was his role in the Stuart Little movies were).
My older brother walks in on me to see why I am laughing so hard, and once i explained to him his face lit up a bit and he started relating to me how he loves the show… and so do his friends who call him House when they see him….
Mike’s always been weird in one way or another and I started thinking about the comparison between him and Greg House. House is distant, he’s bitingly sarcastic, shrewd, genius, cold… Mike is… Well, Mike is all of those things, except he’ll smile more often than House, he’ll joke more often than House (for the good of humor, not out of sarcastic desire).
Mike IS Greg House.
I’ve known women who’ve wanted to grab the mystery for themselves with Mike. You can’t quite imagine women wanting House but the mystery about him is there…. Helping to drive Dr. Cameron unsuccessfully towards him.
It’s odd, first my brother happens to look like David Duchovney… Now he happens to be like Greg House. What’s next? He starts making as much money as (insert movie star here)?
Mirimax History
I don’t give Ain’t It Cool news that much credit even though I happen to visit the site on a semi-regular basis because I am a movie fan… I find some of the fanboy-ness reviewing some movies to be an utter joke and the porrous HTML something that makes me sick.
But they do have their pluses.
A new reporter for AIn’t It Cool happened to be at a happening at the Museum of Modern Art in New York where the Weinsteins and Quentin Tarantino got together to give the audience a little taste of the story behind Mirimax pictures. Being big on Tarantino and admiring Mirmax and what the Weinsteins have done with it, I just had to read this thing and I’m glad I did.
If you’re a die-hard for movies and like to know the behind the scenes stuff, check it out.
Aftermath
I regret making my “joke” about Charley’s turn — seeing the destruction that it caused and knowing it could very well have been here is very sobering.
My older borther Mike got sent by Publix to do emergency work in Ft. Myers. He’s supposed to be down there for three days but for all he knows he could be down here a lot longer….
Home Video Lameness and marketing idiocy
It was sort of an interesting thing to happen and cool that it happened to me but at the same time, it aggravated me… No, not just that, it infuriated me.
Last nigh, a representative from Warner Brothers Home Video emailed the webmaster of Boltsmag.com — namely moi — and tried to recruit me to help sling their product on the web. The product in question is the Stanley Cup Championship DVD which shows highlights of the Tampa Bay Lightning season along with Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final and the Lightning being crowned as Champs. It’s a DVD I very much want to be able to enjoy….
But I can’t. No sir, I can’t invest a couple of bucks in the DVD knowing it’s going to a company that didn’t complete the DVD and put it on the market. I can’t invest in a company branch that does it all the time with their sport DVDs. The Warner Brothers Stanley Cup Championship DVD lacks Closed Captioning for the Hearing Impaired and I happen to be hearing impaired.
Lets roll back the clock to more than a year ago with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers winning the Super Bowl…. It was a cap on a dream season for the Bucs and I quickly went and bought the DVD that Warner Brothers Home Video produced that had the entire game — or a likeness of it — along with season highlights and a pre and post game show (so they claimed).
What I found out, cruelly, was when I tried to view the season highlight package (which is always an incredible job done by NFL Films) I got pictures and sound but no clue what the narrator was telling me. No clue what miked players were saying. I could see games and relive moments but not find out what people were blabbering about at any given moment…. Was this a joke? I went to the actual game and they had the network video feed but — what is this? Not only is the video feed replaced by the respective teams radio commentary men but — no closed captioning. I had no clue what was being said by Buccaneer radio man Gene Deckerhoff or the Oakland Raiders respective play-by-play radio man.
So I could see but I couldn’t really enjoy the DVD. I wrote off a scathing letter to Warner Brothers Home Videos and got offered a free DVD of my choice as if to say “Sucks to be you – have one of our movies we can’t move on us!”
This isn’t an isolated incident with DVDs and lack of closed captioning. While major motion pictures are captioned on all DVDs, DVDs tend to be loaded with extra features such as commentary tracks and featurettes. Neither of these are captioned so that the hearing impaired can enjoy these additional features they are paying for when they buy DVDs. To make matters worse, Universal Home Videos doesn’t even use Closed Captioning but instead relies on Subtitles (much like you would see on a foreign film) with their movies. It becomes difficult to follow the film if the text is set on a white background or over a bright object. You lose entire sentences or entire conversations because of the setting of a scene.
And it gets worse from there. Trimark Home Video has the rights to NBC’s Saturday Night Live on DVD — which is both syndicated on TV and broadcast on NBC with full closed captioning… Trimark couldn’t be bothered to add this captioning to their DVDs of Saturday Night Live. Just as Rhino Home Videos couldn’t be bothered to add captioning to their DVD palette which includes children’s TV series like Transformers, Jem, GI Joe… Not to mention their Monkees DVD’s…. Or their original offering of South Park DVDs. (I have no clue if Rhino is still responsible for publishing South Park DVDs at this time. This may have changed).
With the Baby Boom population aging and their bodies failing them to one degree or another, why is it that the Home Video industry gets away with this? Better yet, with 22-34 deaf and hard of hearing Americans out there, why does the movie industry think they can ignore this demographic when it comes to their home video sales? Even more pertinent, why doesn’t someone stick the Americans With Disabilities Act in their face and tell them to shape up or ship out?
It’s an ironic story that Warner Brothers tries to get someone to help sling their DVD — for free — on the web when that person can’t even enjoy the product. It’s even more ironic that no one in the deaf community or elsewhere in America makes a fuss out of this… It’s one of the great dupe jobs going on in the entertainment industry for the sake of the almighty buck.
Kerry needs to put person in front of Politics
I like to joke in private that the turning point of John Kerry’s campaign – while he was being blasted and left for dead by Howard Dean before the presidential primaries — was his “Kerryfuck” scandal. John Kerry said during an interview with Rolling Stone Magazine, “Did I expect George Bush to fuck it up (Iraq) as badly as he did? I don’t think anybody did.”
Kerryfuck was born. Not just that, but it got me cracking jokes about his need to be obscene to get any press…. Well, I think Kerryfuck actually might be part of what John needs to get back into the press.
I looked in the St. Petersburg Times Perspective section today and like every other Sunday it is chock full of Bush talk… How bad Bush is doing, how Bush wouldn’t have chose this war if he served in one, how Bush this and Bush that… In each article there is brief mention of John Kerry as his opponent in November’s election and I have to wonder how much this is hurting John Kerry’s campaign.
Not only is John Kerry hurting his own campaign by not embracing the art of the Kerryfuck, the media is hurting Kerry’s campaign by focusing squarely on Boy Blunder and how bad things are going. Maybe it’s because Boy George comes off more like a human in screwed up circumstances than John Kerry? Kerry — a decorated war veteran and a Junior Senator from Massachusetts — comes off like a politician in his campaigning. He looks like the candidate who will kiss babies and then steal their lollipops in the future and not like the every-man he needs to be. He has that aristocrat flair of fictitious candidates / Presidents of the past — but does he have what it takes to seem less like a caricature and more like a human? Would John Kerry be willing to, say, show up at a Red Sox game, or perchance make an appearance at a Stanley Cup playoff game? That would certainly make him seem more human (he’s a big sports fan – that’s why I mention these things). Would he profit by making campaign stops, or by making TV appearances on Letterman, Leno, Kimmel, O’Brien and Kilborne (not to mention Jon Stewart which might trump all of the aforementioned talk shows)? By going shopping in a public place instead of having another dinner affair with chieftain fundraisers?
He’s got to generate interest in his campaign once again… For both the sake of getting media attention and for getting people’s attention. He needs to show the world that Kerryfuck – the relaxed and the more human side of John Kerry — exists and not the pompous asshole who campaigns and makes speeches and uses botox to not seem so old. He needs to get back to beating George W. Bush and not sitting back and wait9ing for Bush to beat himself.
Come on, Kerry, don’t further “fuck it up”… That’s George W’s Job…. America needs to get it’s head out of it’s ass and that will not happen with continued elitist arrogance from the Bush regime.
Legging it out – shrinking it down
To talk about today before last night, I just had another physical therapy session where I surprised myself with leg strength. Oh, I am no where near where I would hope to be, but I’m happy with the results.
For those not in the know, and I haven’t talked about it too much on here, I have been working with a physical therapist twice a week (named Bob, built guy, pretty cool) doing simple exercises to get some strength and possibly some balance back. What would be routine for others is a challenge for me right now. :mad
So going back a few hours, I had an idle conversation with a shrink online. Yes, a shrink (or someone who claimed they used to be one) who was online. She had been in an auto accident and instead of acting like a shrink, I felt like she was trying to new-age me with things. “Close your eyes, open your mind… put on three doors down. You are a freebird” — say what?
It depressed me, a bit, with things she told me. Angered me as well. Though she could understand my pain-and the difficulties I am facing right now, she didn’t understand my life, nor did she make sense in some of that crap she was telling me — “have faith in your mind first” (I have faith in my mind, but this isn’t the sense she meant it).
It got frustrating. Especially after I started talking to her again this morning (well, she started talking to me) and she asked me if I am ever humorous after she said something that i guess I was supposed to take as a joke… :rolleyes
Anyway, I finished up a story last night. I’m cooling off with it right now and I will go back and edit it a few times over the next few days/weeks. I’m also more than willing to send this thing to would-be guinea pigs… :tongue
Hold Me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me
So I forgot to bring up Thursday Night and what I was up to to keep myself busy but not keep my mind off problems entirely…
Michelle and Josh came around. They had both stopped by during my hospital stint and were a refreshing change of pace from the day to day. We just watched some flicks together and had a good time…
…And up until this movie-watching stint, I didn’t know how GAY the opening of Reservoir Dogs is… :tongue
There we are, sitting and watching the flick (Michelle had never seen it) and Tim Roth is going nuts because he’s been shot in the gut and in a lot of pain… Well, Tim and Harvey Keitel share a few intimate moments as Keitel tries to comfort Roth and Tim (Mr. Orange) ends up telling Harvey (Mr. White / “Larry”) to hold him… And Mr. White starts trying to build up Mr. Orange’s confidence and calm him down by combing Mr. Orange’s hair and asking him “Who’s a tough guy.,..” in a rather serene voice…
The entire fucking movie I am cracking jokes about that when Roth is on screen. “Hold me, Larry! Hold me! I’m a tough guy! I’m a tough guy!” There’s that cop who gets his ear cut off (:puke), Roth wakes up after passing out from blood loss and takes out Mr Blonde…
“Hey… Hey you… What’s your name?”
“Marvin… Marvin Nash…”
“Hold me, Marvin! Hold me! Don’t leave me, Marvin!”
I mean, I apologize to Quentin Tarantino and the guys in this movie because I absolutely love Reservoir Dogs and the work of some of these actors (Tim Roth especially)…. But that is the funniest, most closet homosexual shit I have seen. I started cracking jokes about having a Reservoir Dogs drinking game too. “When ever K-BILLY comes on, you take a drink…. Whenever Mr. Orange says ‘Hold me!’ you take a drink… Whenever Joe acts like an asshole, you take a drink… Whenever someone says ‘Dick’ you take a drink…” (that last word alone would have you drunk before the opening credits)…
We ended up watching Southpark later on and of course my entry on Southpark is up — you can read my take on that.…
At any rate, I got a first hand taste of the sick sorta need of having someone special in your life — well, sorta. I started missing what I have had in the past by watching Josh and Michelle together. It made me long tenderness. I haven’t had it in the past, per se, just someone to imagine it with… even that non-physical experience that I have had, I started longing. Living on the concept of emotion between two people is a very tough thing and I guess that’s one place I had faith… Faith in the emotion and pursuing it any way possible until things finally align so that the physical could be pursued. One way street though…
Getting back to the subject of Thursday… Michelle is determined to have another movie night sometime soon and get me to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Now, I’ve never been a horror buff but then again – when you’re watching movies with friends, you can watch about anything and enjoy it… :smile
Just a little taste
I’m going to give you folks (my readers) a little chance to read a piece of that story (32 pages) that I am writing. if you’re interested in more – please say so… Click on the below link to check out the lead to the story.
Read More
Small Town Clique
Hey..it’s Sarah again…I just need to blow some steam tonight, so I’m very greatful to John to allow me to write on here when I want. Thank you John. So…here’s my steam..
I spent my entire childhood and teen years dealing with cliques. There were the popular girls, the smart-suck-up girls, the drug addicts, and then there was my group…the somewhat unpopular people who stuck together because with out each other, we had no one.
In sixth grade I started hanging out wiht the smart-suck-up girls. It was the year from hell. I was the butt of the jokes, the one being laughed at, the one forced to sit at the other half of the table when there wasn’t room for everyone to sit on one half. I hated it, and it didn’t take me long to decide not to hang out with them anymore. I felt like shit though…because I had made fun of the people who were my friends before because I thought I was better..I had moved up in the chain of popularity. But I went back to this group, and never left them out again.
I hated the cliques of middle school, and they were still very prevalent my senior year of high school. The good thing was that we all started to get along in high school, because we left the petty things behind. I thought I’d be able to leave the pettiness and cliques of my home town in the dust and be able to form new relationships with many people…and hang out with them all, not having a clique of my own or others to worry about.
I was wrong. I went to lunch today with three girls from my floor…I hardly know two of them, but they are truly nice people, like the third girl that I’ve known since she moved in. One offered to get me a drink, another recommended trying a dessert…they were nice people that I didn’t expect to be nice people.
Then for dinner I went with three people who I know very well. My roommate, Katrina, and Jozie. My roommate and I get along pretty well, so I was thinking. We haven’t fought, nor has she shown any sign of a problem with me. Katrina’s ok…kind of judgemental as I’ve gathered. Then there’s Jozie, who I haven’t had a warm feeling from since I met her. She never seems to want to talk to me..and when she does talk to me, she’s always short and snappy. So I was the last to sit down to eat, and when I sat down they were talking about going somewhere tonight (last night since it’s after midnight now), and then the conversation stopped.
They talked about a lot of things, but didn’t really include me in the conversation..and when I tried to speak up, someone interrupted me…no one laughed if I said something that i expected would be funny. On the way back, they kind of asked each other if they were going to take showers and what not, and when we into the dorm (it’s about 50 steps to get inside) there’s two stair cases, the first goes only to the 1st level, and the second goes all the way down here. Katrina, Mary and I live on the lowest level. Jozie asked if they were coming to her room, and they all went. Feeling enough of a “third” wheel (though I was indeed the fourth person), I said I was going to go down here right away.
And off they went. I went into my friend Louise’s room to see what she was doing, and about 45 minutes later, went to my room to drop off my keys and id in the room. There’s Mary and Jozie all ready to go out… They never asked if I wanted to go..never acted like they wanted me to go…and I didn’t want to go with them anyway. Not after they had treated me like shit at dinner.
What pisses me off is that I’m going to be the one to hear all about it tomorrow (today…time thing), and how much fun they had…and frankly I want to rub their nose in it. That’s how I felt in 6th grade. And in 6th grade, I just changed my group of friends.
It’s not so easy to do, though, when you don’t have people around to catch your back when you fall…When you have no history with people and they already have their friends that they hang out with…
It really feels shitty…much like reliving 6th grade all over again.
More Dated Material
So it’s Wednesday and I’m still thinking about last night. I didn’t talk so much about the date itself as the similarity between the girl in question and someone from the distant past.
Though I can’t get over the similarities.
She came over to my place and we then went out to Insomnia — or were planning to go there — when we found out that Insomnia (local coffee house, pretty nice atmosphere) is now closed. FUBAR. We sat around inside her Camaro for 10 minutes talking and then decided to go to Applebee’s because she hadn’t eaten yet. No problem — off we go and then I find out two very important things:
1) she’s a vegitarian
2) Home Depot reminds her of her younger brother almost losing his finger in an accident
Applebees menu is a lot of meat on it with salad on the side. Shit. Should have gone to Carrabas or some other italian restaurant instead. Didn’t matter though. She ordered a chicken salad and most of the time it wasn’t focusing on eating between us anyway, it was talking. Though I admit I did most of the talking (on the account of my hearing).
I like rambling like that. I mean, we were talking for 20 minutes before we even ordered our food (of course, our waitress didn’t help things out too much either by taking her damn sweet time getting back to us). It was a lot of talking and it’s just what I wanted to be hoenst. I’m interested in the girl from the little bit that I learned about her when we talked online and I’m moreso now that I know more about her.
Of course I’m reporting too much of my personal life in here. Some people might say “What do you mean? That’s what makes it interesting.” while the few and the proud know first hand just what has happened to me in the past by reporting too much in here.
So anyway, had a friend over here again today and we shot the shit up – just talking, ended up surfing the web for a bit for jokes. Always a blast.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m starving, time to grab some grub.
Alluding
First off, a week until my birthday…. Donations and death threats can be sent to the Stonegauge….
Have you ever found your heart just aching for someone you know? Someone who remembers something, or makes a routine joke that they’ve made before… Someone who says something truly sweet to you or someone who admittedly thinks about you all the time….
I never really knew love, mutual love, until now. I can’t give details, I can’t give mug shots, I can’t even tell you why this has happened or how but I can say I’m happy right now…. :smile
And upset at the same time. I will remain vague just because
Rays are finally out of my misery right now. It’s been a long and pathetic season. I joked on www.emailtherays.com that the team is changing it’s name tot he “Groundhog Days” (in honor of Bill Murray’s movie) because they are putrid at every level… over, and over, and over again and never get it right.
Meanwhile, the Bucs kicked ass Sunday 😀
"You stirred up a hornet's nest now!
Right, Left… yeah, you know me with politics: Interested. Well, I also tend to shoot my mouth off.
I wrote a little article over on Kill The Web that was pushed off the main page months ago. It’s on the subject of Anne Clouter and just cracking a joke about the woman….
You know, Stonegauge gets a couple of visitors a day – I’m lucky if anyone comments (the more you comment, the more discussion you encourage)… Well, I can now say that the longest discussion I have created was talking about how Ann inspires men to use Viagra — because she leaves them with no sexual impulses with the attitude she generates.
15 replies and counting. Still going 3 months after I wrote it — fun stuff.