Tag: friendship
Reconnecting
A little more than three years ago, I wrote a quick post about friends from my childhood in New York and Sylvain Avenue Elementary School. I invoked a few names in said post without thinking anyone would… well, you know, come across the dang thing. It’s just one web page, one blog post, out of millions and billions of web pages on the interweb, right?
OK, I’m lying. I knew that there was a high chance someone would come across the post, but the question remained if they would, and who it would be, and how they’d react.
Flash forward to a Saturday night in the autumn of 2007 and an email, sent through this site, from one of my long lost friends who I referenced. A year of conversation with them later and the posting of my 4th-grade-class-picture later led me to get back in touch with quite a few people. I don’t want to reference them by full name here as I am guilty enough of name-dropping in the past in order to get facts straight… But I’ve gotten back in touch with long lost friends who I had known since Kindergarden, I’ve gotten back in touch with shorter-term friends who I had known from 3rd grade on…
It’s almost scary about the amount of re-connecting that’s transpired through Facebook for me. It’s also heartwarming to know I was not flat-out forgotten by people after I left New York.
Some things don't change
I have kept a memento album since sometime in the late 1990’s. Just a photo album with newspaper scraps, pictures of friends and loved ones, and letters/post cards from people that I’ve communicated with in the past. Not letters as in email print outs, but actual letters. You know, those that were hand written at one point in the distant past? Yeah, those things… Hard to believe we did stuff besides typing, isn’t it? Sentimentality is so over-rated…
But I went into this album today with the specific intention of taking out and tucking away a few pictures I’d taken close to ten years ago (within a year or two) and a handful of letters as well from that same time frame. I’ll just say that they were all of the same subject. That person has been chronicled here in vagueness and obtuseness.
But going through the letters — marred with the inconsistency of not knowing what I had originally sent (which had led to these response letters) as well as the letters themselves rambling in vagueness. I found one passage of one particular letter (written on loose leaf paper as they all were, and dated 8/06 and likely from 1998 ) that just left me smiling and nodding for all the wrong reasons:
Dear John —
Today is a day I shall always remember. I took a wonderful, if not so secret thing and brutally destroyed it. I’m disgusted. I have new understanding of several things Sorry so obtuse but I don’t wan to talk any more about it
Why do I take satisfaction in this? What kind of sick asshole am I to do such a thing? A ten+ year old letter, stated rather obtusely, about destroying something beautiful?
Answer: I hadn’t said it felt like someone died for nothing, people. This letter may be an echo of a person that I knew in the past, based on different events and different circumstances along with different consequences, but to me? It’s the only remorse that I will see in the present from that person.
We’ve all taken something beautiful and destroyed it – a keepsake, a plant, perhaps a relationship of the friendly or intimate variety — at one point or another in our lives. I know I’m guilty of this in the past with people and things, but I take some solace in knowing that at one point in time, there was expressed grief and remorse by certain people. Grief and remorse that I can’t quite see them express or have linger in their head or heart today over recent events.
What I've learned
You know, I wanted to write a long post about moving on from this ill-communication SNAFU that’s led to me drawing myself into a shell and feeling like someone died. Someone was snuffed out, and the person holding the gun simply said “oops” after the body hit the floor, hid it, and then announced to the world they used a glock pistol the first time.
Yes, I was going to tell everyone what I had learned from this, or had reinforced in me. Facts that apply to current and past malignant relations: Communications are vital in any friendship or relationship; that distance can and will kill (especially if you are half hearted on the communication front); that you make time for what’s important to you; if someone isn’t reaching back much when you reach out to them, they just aren’t that into you; that oftentimes we don’t want to see the obvious and want to imagine all is hunky-dory even though the painful truth is right in front of us.
But the two ultimate truths in this case at the top of my list
:
- I’m tired of being disrespected, or belittled in how someone deals with me. Not being honest or forthcoming while someone has the wrong idea and allowing them to go on is a huge disrespect to them.
- I hate being mad at the source of this disrespect
The problem here is, the first point trumps the second.
With my big heart, it’s too often I get disrespected or taken for granted. Willing to listen even if it hurts, to make time for someone even if I am busy, to reach out to even if it costs more than I have, to be understanding to a fault… I’ve lost other friends in the past because I allowed the disrespect to the point I was upset every time we talked.
Being big hearted makes my friends a priority and sadly, in this case, priority is the reason I know this entire situation won’t be settled any time soon. Because if I was a priority in simple friendship, none of this would have ever happened. I would have been down on myself a few days, but the 2nd of two “trump all” points would have ruled instead of the first.
Writing this won’t make things better, but it gets this stuff out of my head and out into the open for better or worse.
Strong for them, hell for you
How many times have you been supportive of someone who is close to you or who has meant something to you in the past, all the while you end up feeling like crap for doing it? Not because of you giving support to this person, but because of the topic?
It’s almost like what should lead to a breakup… Being there for someone but feeling trampled on in the relationship. You care and want to be there but you can’t keep being a friend for someone when they don’t respect you or even consider what certain topics/phrases do to you inside.
Respect… And Disrespect. If you are there for someone when they need you and they aren’t there for you, if you will apologize to someone about things – but they won’t ever apologize about any anger they’ve caused… It’s just not healthy and just not worth it. Friendship or more — it’s a two way street.
Show me some respect or find another person to dump on… I’m not playing the inanimate teddy bear any longer.
In Search of
I need a date for a wedding.
Michelle and Josh are tying the knot on the day b efore Valentines (Bill’s birthday in fact) and of corus ei am invited which is great but at the same time — going alone is not something I want to do.
And yet candidates to go to the wedding with me – friends or more – are few and far between. Some people have tread on that friendship with me and I’d be reaching down to ask her to go. Others are either too far or just might feel too awkward to go. Of coruse, me not even asking and jumping to conclusions makes things worse than they are.
But then again, it’d be easier if I knew exactly who to ask and wasn’t just takign them as a friend…. But seeing I’m not in arelationship and not nearly in one… it’ll be just friends for this thing.
The stuff Ego Fluffs are made of
taken from a conversation with a female friend…
friend: wanna hear something funny? Rob is more insecure about me talking to you than he is about me talking to Eric
friend: how do you like that? YOU are threatening
me: 🙄 😆
me: It took me a minute to really fathom this…
friend: yeah, Eric called me last night, and I had Rob answer my phone (because i didn’t reconize the number and I’m hiding from bill collectors) and he wasn’t too upset about it
me: If he only knew….
me: what did Eric have to say last night? Just checking up on you?
friend: yeah just calling to say hi, we haven’t talked since before the holidays and I don’t know what made him think to call me, but we just talked about the site and his health and all that jazz
friend: mind you, Rob did get jealous, but not as jealous as he gets of you
….
me: You should have him talk to me if you think that would difuse things.but then again I’m getting a kick out of this so iets put that off as long as possible 😛 🙂
It’s hilarious to think that I get someone jealous. It makes me feel good that I can actually make someoen who is physically superior to me jealous for that matter. As someone with his own insecurities, this is a bit of an ego boost. Of course having a friend who cares about me enough to talk about that friendship with her significant other is also pretty heartwarming…. But knowing that me and this friend could never really be more, and for Rob to be jealous of me is like a cat being jealous of a dog panting. It makes no sense.
But it’s sure fun to think about 😀
A Cold December — random venting.
Random Christmas Eve rants —
I hate having to play the dick but that is what happened a littler earlier today – maybe I didn’t exactly play it but listening to someone start falling all over themselves for the umpteenth time and putting themselves into a shit situation — a dick is all I could be.
This very person had remarked about going with your head and not with yoru heart and how things will be nifty right at the start… This person also happened to tell me, a few minutes later, that she was “in love” with an abusive, controlling, insecure prick who wanted to keep her as a possesion and not as a person.
Over a couple of weeks chatting with this girl, I’d feed her logic and a few days later she comes back with “You were right.” And yet her own self-hate, self-loathing and low self-esteem leads her to punish herself… “This is the best I can do.” “I don’t deserve better”, “I’m not good for anythign more.”
🙄
I was also told by this same little girl that I shouldn’t settle for anyone or anything, that I seem like the person who would strive for just what they want… That’s true in a lot of ways but if there is anyone in life that has been resigned to the fact he’s got to settle in the end – its me. You can have personality up the waazoo, you can be sweet and romantic and a really funny guy… You can be selfless or benevolent but it really amounts to shit with people if you got a few things wrong with your person, or don’t meet the market ideal of what a lover should be.
…
And for the record, you don’t write off people and leave them in the cold (or — even worse — confess to avoiding them) at times when they need your friendship… Or to pull that act 3 or 4 tiems and expect continued benevolence. You can’t expect a friend if you can’t be one… but that’s a cold November story so we’ll just leave it be.
…
Maybe someone needs to get typing lessons for Christmas. I type fast and don’t copy edit and what happens? I look like I don’t know how to spell anything (typo after typo).
….
Anyone who tells me they don’t deserve, is full of shit. Anyone who puts up with someone’s abuse is either too in-love or just too insecure to go back to what they had with nothing. Anyone who falls in love with someone else but gets engaged to the guy they are dating just becasue she wasn’t ready to break up yet… Well, that’s just fooling everyone and setting up for problems. You can want to share a bed with someoen but, dear God, you’re REALLY setting up to get screwed by drawing it out like that!
…
And by the way… Bryan? Not that you read my blog but you really shouldn’t get so upset over Liz. Yes there were a few misteps there but give it time, buddy. Just be a friend or try to be and be content with that. Keep your eyes open as well, you never know what else is goign to come along (and actually be clear about their intentions instead of wishy-washy like a middle-school girl.
Transition Game
While I am a bit distracted with things going on in my life, though it’s not like I don’t have time to blog. I’m still trying to figure out just where and what I am going to take the Stonegauge to with regards to blogging…
Keep ranting about personal stuff? Take it more pop culture with entertainment things that I can’t always speak for when it’s current? (My Adaptation review was an old post, I comment on old songs, previously released movies, published books, etc) Political rants which are done better on other blogs and are the norm on the blogshere, and certain people I’ve met with Boltsmag talk about local issues pretty well….
Then we have the fact I do talk about sports here and there — Boltsmag is a success just because I really timed this shit well :smile. There’s writing stories I could give but those are about failure. Medical stories I could tell but those seem irrelevant…
This is the personal homepage of John Fontana but then again? I want the Stonegauge to be a place to stop by and have something worth looking into, commenting on or discussing. Not the garbage I’ve had lately. My April entry spurt was brought on by a certain someone who does a real good job of showing up when she needs a crutch, but avoids really well when things don’t fit her current schedule, which includes friendship..
I want to give “a better ‘Gauge on things” but damnit – I want it to be relevant in some way shape or form. It isn’t at this rate.
Interaction #2 — Part Three: Inter-answers
Keith Asked
1. New York Yankees, or New York Rangers?
Rangers. They spend all that money and STILL suck!2. If you were told you could be rich and famous, but would die in 10 years, would you want it?
I don’t know… Sometimes I feel like I only have 10 years to live anyway… So I’m really not sure. IF I could be rich, make everyone financially secure and better off financially and pass away in ten years – not knowing how long I had to live myself… I’d have to seriously give it consideration.3. Rosie O’Donnell nude, or Oprah Winfrey nude?
Oprah nude… I don’t think I could take all the skin folds on Rosie4. Would you rather be destitute and in love, or rich and in a meaningless relationship?
Destitute and in love, any day.5. Onions are the root of all evil, explain why. :wink
Hmmm, this is a tough one, a good one at that. You see, Onions tend to cause gas in people and that adds methane to the atmosphere – from all the people breaking wind because of Onions in their meals. Methane gas helps global warming and making the earth a less hospitable place to live. If, because of all the onions we eat, we end up making the Earth unable to sustain life, we could put enough blame on Onions for it… And for one vegetable to cause that much death and destruction that would come from global warming, it could be easily concluded that Onions are the root of all evil.
PPH Asked:
1. What’s your favorite color?
Blue or green2. When do you give up on someone?
You only give up on someone when they have given up on you or stopped showing interest, or pushed you away so much it’s quite visibly their move. If someone turns a blind eye towards you or stops talking to you or just puts you off in general, you get to the point where you might have to just give up on them because the hurt that it causes becomes too much. Then again? When you love somebody, you it’s hard to bring yourself to stop trying. It’s gotta be mutual in the end, though. This goes for friendships too.3. Paper or Plastic?
Paper. Renewable resource that biodegrades. Call me a eco-freak.4. Skankiest entertainer?
Madonna with Christina Aguilera a runner up. Britney is coming up the back awfully fast too.5. Will Howard Dean win the election? :o)
He sure better. We need him.
Sarah Asked
1. What’s better, rambling or silence? Rambling, but conversations that go on and on and everything else falls away during them isn’t rambling.
2. If you want to speak to someone, what reasons can you think of not to?
Depends on what the deal is with that someone. If there are things left unsaid, or things that were never apologized for, that might be a reason… If a person won’t get back to you, that might be a reason. If you’ve been treated poorly and that’s been unacknowledged, that might be a reason… You can still very much want to talk to someone, but when they build a wall to keep you out of their life, you’ve got to build a wall of your own to keep your sanity.3. When things go wrong, who’s fault is it most of the time?
It’s not about blame but it’s about making things right again – and that takes an effort from all parties. That’s the problem in this country because people won’t take steps to make things better (government, corporations, people in relationships)… They can assess blame and finger point real well, but they can’t rectify situations – or chose not to because it would compromise their ambitions or their ego. Why get involved in the muck of trying to fix things when you can keep going and come back to the problem after it’s been fixed by itself? Why not try to fix it or get involved in resolving the situation instead of avoiding it?
When someone avoids dealing with a situaiton, that’s when blame gets dumped on them.4. Life’s ________ so __________. (fill in the blank)
Life’s a song, so sing. Life’s but a dream, so someone’s having a nightmare. Life’s a journey; so don’t treat it like a destination.5. Who’s closer to the truth, the scientist or the religious man?
I think it’s right in the middle between them where the truth lay – both men are close to the truth, but only to a point. There is only so much physical before the spiritual comes into play and only so much spirituality before the physical explanation comes into play. I think God has a helping hand in Science and Science has a helping hand in God.
Melanie Asked:
1. Out of all the Shakespeare plays, what is your favorite tragedy AND your favorite comedy??
I haven’t read that much Shakespeare in order to give you a good answer but I know my favorite tragedy is Hamlet. Comedy? It’s tough to say this because I don’t have much to gauge but 12th Night.2. Who in your opinion was the greatest president of the US? And Why?
I thought you didn’t do politics? :p This is a tough one because I don’t know everything about every president who has been there. There’s Clinton who lead us through prosperity, but he had partisan politics and scandals malign his term in office… We had Abe Lincoln who did his damnedest to preserve the Union and had his life tragically taken from him. We had JFK who taught us to aim high and to try, and also had his life tragically taken from him… But I think the greatest president in US history is one that others might think of as the worst president of US history – Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He presided over the toughest time of the 20th century – the great depression and World War 2. He handed the US a new deal and did what he could to bring the nation back from the depression. It was a long hard road, but it eventually happened. He overcame disability to achieve this, and was elected for more terms than any previous US president, showing the People were behind him.3. Would you rather pop a can of Pringles or pop a cherry?
“Once you pop, you can’t stop.” It just depends on who, and what type of Pringles. To decide between a person and some potato chips, that’s pretty pathetic right? That’s how I work though, I guess.. It’s not the body part but who it’s attached to…4. If you could be any age, what age would you be and why?
18. That or sometime in my teens. Everything was in front of me and I just had so much optimism how it would play out, I was angry and yet I was interested in finding my niche. Being able to look forward more and not look around and feel like a failure, it would mean the world to me.5. If you were a hamburger, what toppings would cover you?
Anohter patty so we can have some meat on meat action, spread some ketchup over both of us for added sensuality, and then onions to further prove that they are the root of all evil – not only do they help spread methane gas, they are a key part of burger-on-burger carnal pleasure. Put a bun on and take a bite and you will taste the pure ecstacy brought on by the hot burger patty action.
