Tag: fear
Dry and true
So there has been rain in the Tampa Bay area the last few days, yay rain…
…Whoopty friggin’ do.
Anyone in Pinellas County that wants to think we’re in the clear with drought conditions need only look at the official Pinellas county rain gauge on their web site. It feels sick and cruel that the tally through today (July 2nd) is 10.59 inches of rain for the year.
2007 is half way finished and we’re only about one fifth of the way to the average rainfall total (Clearwater, Florida’s average yearly rainfall total is 49 inches according to Florida Living Network. The St. Pete Chamber of Commerce lists the city of St. Petersburg’s annual rainfall total at 48+ Inches).
We haven’t hit the Fourth of July yet, nor the peak of the hurricane season (two sub-tropical storms and only a bit of rain from both) and I’m fearing how our water outlook will come November.
"Be afraid, the threat is real, fear fear fear"
I don’t want to sound like a conspiracy theory wacko but something is really starting to bug the shit out of me with everything at current…
I wasn’t going to write a blog post about this concern up until I put on Bay News 9 here in the Tampa Bay area and their nightly news anchor, Al Rueschel, presented the latest piece that broke the camels back for me.
9-1-1 calls from the World Trade Center on 9-11.
You have the terrorist bust in the UK and airline rule changes in the aftermath, you have suspected bombs showing up on airplanes, in airport terminals and in ports…
Is it a heightened sense of awareness by the public or is someone screwing with us?
Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson) said in the first Lethal Weapon film that the evidence was “too thin” regarding the death of a hooker. Though I’d like to believe we’re just being more vigilant right now, with everyone trying to scare the shit out of each other every time you turn on the news – I just don’t see this as a case of vigilance. I see this as timing things appropriately for political gain. The 9-11 tapes sealed my suspicion… Playing a taped recording of a woman crying that she is going to die is just the last raw emphasis that tells the public “you should be afraid – this can happen to you unless you do what we say.”
Writing re-assurance
I haven’t tried this in a long time – the last story I published in part on this blog was never competed (“Peter’s Problem” just rambles on and on) and never got any opinions on pieces fo the story I DID publish.
At any rate, I told people about this story in an earlier entry… There is no title to it as it stands right now and it’s just a few hundred words… Let me know what you think if you think anything about it… Just click on more to view it.
Pinellas Rail's Backwards Tale
Well, well, well, the Pinellas County MPO gave their blessing to a slightly-poor-but-better-than-nothing Monorail system in Pinellas County. The seeds of Mass transit are either sown or they are buried before their funeral has commenced.
I’m not a big fan of the separate-but-equal mass transit planning of the Bay area, that’s part of the reason why I call the plan slightly poor. I’m also not a fan of the idea that the current scheme basically ignores commuters in North Pinellas who have the farthest to travel.
But my opinions on Pinellas County Mass Transit and the proposal are better than my opinion on some of the comments coming from Pinellas County Commissioners who are against the concept. Let’s take Susan Latvala for example:
“I just think we’re too developed to integrate something into our system,” County Commissioner Susan Latvala said. “We’re way too far down the road for this.”
When things get built out – that’s when Mass Transit comes into play. Why doesn’t that logic register with Latvala? Has she ever been out of Pinellas County? What IS the solution if not a rail system? Wider roads? More roads?
I guess Susan is resigned to the idea that every commissioner from this point on should be convincing Pinellas County residents they can’t do shit about traffic…
This plan is part of a coordinated mass-transit effort that Karen Seel can’t quite grasp:
“In 95-degree weather, will someone really take the rail and walk the rest of the way?” said Seel, the MPO chairwoman.
I guess she doesn’t have much confidence in how well coordinated this will be with buses and trolleys as was stated in the MPO endorsement. Buses running in coordination with rail stations cut down on wait times. As it stands right now, Pinellas County buses are running in a non-coordinated effort and in poor run times. Seel’s statement gives blessing for this – not seeing mass transit improvements tied to the monorail system.
Either it’s a step forward or a step deeper into the back-water politics of Tampa Bay. Only time will tell if Pinellas will make the right call on mass transit instead of allowing further traffic fatalities and headaches because of commission indolence and fears of the unknown.
And a Time to every Purpose
A Time to Every Purpose….
A time to every purpose
Except this ongoing circus
Of fear and fate, malignant deeds,
Sore for sight eyes and tumbleweeds
Been mislead in all directions
Vote’s been voided in all elections
Lacking course
Searching for a sign
Or a loving hand to help me by
And suppose my purpose never comes?
Or even worse — it never was?
Falling down a flight of stairs
Life’s reasons are never what they seem
Lonliness is what I fear
Reasonless is what draws near
…And a time to every purpose
Except my own
© 2005 John Fontana
Give a little
MSNBC presents a list of charities and organizations helping with efforts in Sumatra, Sri Lanka, India and the rest of the world that have been effected by this most shocking display of mother nature’s fury.
The World Map has been changed by this earthquake, the globe has “wobbled” in it’s rotation because of it and 60 thousand are feared dead — many of them children. This time of year is supposed to be the time of hope and of giving – these people need it more than ever….
The trip
Where to begin, where to begin?
“I’m only sorta gimpy. I can get there by myself.” I told a curb side check in agent for American Airlines. He smirked and let out a laugh and I went on my way into Tampa International Airport to start my trip on Tuesday morning. I had my Eastman backpack swung over my shoulders, dress pants on and my “trusty” cane in hand as I navigated the terminal and made my way to the airside concourse.
American Airlines made it real easy on me and helped me out the entire way to and from Burbank. Being it lead onto the plane by a Stewardess in Tampa or the ticket-agent trying to get me a replacement flight to Tampa from Dallas if I didn’t make that conneciton flight (more on that later)… AA kicked ass in their service.
The big thing about this that upset my parents and extended family was I was going 2200 miles by my lonesome as my first trip solo. Not to mention I’m still a gimp to one extent or another, walking with and without a cane at times.
Not like I needed to care about being gimpy once I got on the streets of LA.
If there’s one difference that is night and day in La Cuidad de Angels compared to Tampa/St. Pete and the suburbs, it’s the fact that pedestrians have the right of way. Here in Florida, I’d get run down sooner than a car actually wait to turn during a green light. In Los Angeles? I got honked at for not walking and waving cars on at an intersection. That was the biggest adjustment, and the most pleasing.
The other thing that hits me hard every time I am out there is getting used to being surrounded by minorities. Mexicans, Japaneese, African Americans, etc…. One huge eclectic mix. Here in the south, people can only hold closed minded views and hold fear when thinking about situations like that. Me? I fucking LOVED it.
Sure, there is the idea you could get jumped by a gang here and there — that was before I did some thinking and observing. Grandma’s were out walking with canes, unmolested by teens hanging out and kids walking around with CD players weren’t being attacked… I think that gives you an idea it’s safe to be out and about during the daytime and not so intimidated…
At any rate, half the reason I was able to do this trip was my buddy out west, Mark Albracht who I know from SkyscraperPage.com. Me and Mark have known each other a while and have been friends for the past year +…. He had picked me up at the airport and we also spent some time in Hollywood looking around and stuff. It was fun to be out there and see some of the places that I have only heard about (the Kodak theater, the Egyptian….. The Walk of fame…).
Damn, there is so much to talk about and yet I am just rambling through it. And at the same time, there is little to talk about because I didn’t do much while out there. While I liked being on my own on a trip, I would have loved a peer with me (not a parent) to enjoy some of the things that I passed on or didn’t spend enough time with.
Of course, the trip did have it’s low point – my birthday . The day started off as it normally did in LA but I had an appointment that morning. A long overdue ABI checkup. What went so bad? Being forced into an MRI that i didn’t want to have done, having to sit around for four hours until I had the prodcedure, then being in physical and emotional pain with how I was dealt with by the staff… To summarize my birthday was to summarize my life: spent with me trying to look good, voyaging, meeting a friend, being duped by a faux ally, pain, humiliation and ultimately ending alone. Great attitude, wouldn’t you say? 😛 😉
Oh, I forgot to add the part about Burbank. Saturday morning I left my hotel (after barely getting any sleep) to encounter the worst fog I had seen first hand since I was a kid. The flight was grounded until almost 9 and could have made me miss my conneciton flight home… And like I said, a ticket agent stepped right up and arranged things for me if I did miss my connection. Luckily, once airborn, we made up time lost and actually came in ahead of schedule (but still not enough time for this guy to grab a meal while on the DFW International concourse.
I’m planning on getting away some more in coming weeks. A trip to NY for instance…. Who knows where else. Where I’m wanted and where I’m curious would most likely be it.
Cut out the middle man, you fear mongers!
I read the following off Skyscraper Page — take it as you will:
Q: Why would Al-Qaeda want Kerry, an unknown quantity, as president, when they already have Bush, who so blissfully plays into their hands at every turn?
A: Because Al Qaeda never said this. The Republicans are the only ones saying it. They always preface such statements with “It’s my opinion that…”, or “I believe that…”. Net result: the general public hears “Al Qaeda wants Kerry to win”, and God forbid we should do anything to appease Al Qaeda! Then the terr-rists win!
I think they should just cut out the middle man and start saying they believe if elected, Kerry himself will fly a plane into the Capitol.
In fact, that could be a great new angle: he’s one of those crazy Vietnam vets. They’re always having nervous breakdowns and flashbacks. Can we really trust him? He’s already delusional and believes that he was a hero who won some medals. Bush never went through that trauma, so he’s fresh and stable!
C’mon, Rove: are you reading this?
Never forget.
I’ve said my piece and I’m sticking to it…
9-11-01… Never forget. And never forget how you’re fears have been manipulated.
We miss you Dennis “trane” Gomes
Not complete free reign
Even Justice Scalia couldn’t help his buddies in the White House this time.
Int he last 4 years, it had seemed everything was simply going to be allowed and handed to the Bush administration – Congressional approval of whatever they want, Supreme Court rulings in their favor (from secret documents to the very ruling that put Bush into office), blind public support because of fear….
Yesterday’s Supreme Court Ruling gave me hope again that America isn’t so lost as it had seemed the last few years.
The right to due process has been given back to the people – be they scumbags or falsely accused citizens (or falsely accused citizens who are scumbags for that matter) – which means that no one can be held for undetermined lengths of time without legal counsel. One might assume this is a bad move because prospective terrorists might be able to get free again through the court system… But then again, how many innocent people have been held indefinitely, while falsely charged with a crime? Not only that, but it’s part of the justice departments job to build a case against people… Certainly there is compelling evidence against a suspect for him to be arrested in the first place right? There should also be enough evidence to try and convict the accused if the case is strong enough against them. The system and due process shouldn’t need to be circumvented in order to stop accused prisoners…
Or is John Ashcroft and the Bush administration that incompetent to need to just arrest people because they don’t know how to connect the dots and show a grand jury why someone is guilty?
The "Lot" Beckons
The casting alone makes em want to catch the remake of Stephen King’s 2nd novel-come-movie, ‘Salems Lot
Rob Lowe playing Ben Meares — I can live with that. Donald Sutherland as Richard Straker? Exact casting that I imagined reading the book. Rutger Hauer as Barlow? Another dead-on casting! James Cromwell as Father Donald Callahan?! Another dead on casting! It’s incredible…
Of course, casting alone won’t make this a great movie – if Mikael Saloman can’t work with the images and provoke fear inside the viewer much like King can do with words and images — this will turn into another King-book-come-movie dud to follow dozens of King books that were turned into movies and fell flat.
Reviews on Google have been mixed while reviews on IMDB sound hopeful. We’ll see just how this turns out tomorrow night on TNT.
Was I right about Van Helsing?
Maybe it’ll be a popcorn flick that you can’t possibly believe but find entertaining none the less, sorta like The Mummy Returns…
But as it stands right now, I’m starting to feel I was right about Van Helsing with the thought it is going to tank. Or at least the reviews are starting to come in and no one is caring for it much besides Harry Knowles and the fan-boy Ain’t It Cool News crowd.
Yet I am sticking to my guns… More marketing than movie making. More play-toy designs than plot. More potential spin-offs than story. Marketing and the big studios is what kills film. You want a good monster movie? Go watch 28 Days Later which doesn’t use too much CGI to instill fear. If you want a good action/Sci Fi movie? Go watch Equilibrium which hasn’t gotten enough attention. Yes, both of those movies re-touch on subjects explored in other movies… But at least they aren’t films devoted to the almighty dollar and marketing before film-making and telling a story.
Wit's End
I keep stating to friends that I am at wit’s end right now. I am waking up in the morning with no idea why I should get out of bed. I read the paper and maybe have a bite to eat when I DO get out of bed and then there is nothing else for me — the day is me gimping around or on the computer, both of which I get sick of.
I said a few months ago on here that i thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel with regards to rehabbing and getting better from previous operations – but it’s a deceptive light. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m still dependent on the walker and it’s making me fear going out and doing or attempting to do — or just flat out holding me back. Psychologically, that is…
Things gotta improve – they just gotta… I don’t know how much more of the down I can take without a blast of the UP, so to speak.
Whattaya say?
I came across someone I had been searching for over the last seven years on Classmates.com just now… Someone i used to have a mad crush on and someone I was too scared to admit I was interested in.
But that was 10th grade and High School… A long long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Or seven miles and almost 10 years.
At any rate, it got me to thinking about what you would say to someone you haven’t seen in such a long time? What would you talk about with them? Would you just come clean about things that happened last time you talked? Or old problems that might have been left unsolved between you?
Or would you start fresh like the three examples below?
“Hi, how’s it going?”
“Nice shoes, wanna fuck?”
“Excuse me, you look so familiar and I was wondering if you could tell me if this dress makes my ass look big?”
I came across this girl’s aunt online in 1999 and I had the opportunity to get in touch with her but passed on it. Why? Fear in part, and also because I didn’t want to rear my head back into her life while she certainly has a life of her own that I am not even a thought in. Time passes and things fade away — but memories and feelings aren’t so easily pushed into oblivion. I’m not planning on paying Classmates in order to get in touch with the girl for the same reasons… My interest is piqued though, for the moment.
Edit to Entry: Better question than the WHATTAYA SAY — How would you react if someone from High School suddenly dropped in on your life? SOmeone you ahven’t spoken to since then…?
Painful to watch, pleasure to have seen
There was a movie I rented before I went in for surgery in August — and it’s also a movie I put off watching… And continued to put off watching after someone told me that they had seen it and it made a profound statement to them.
It’s not because the movie made a difference, it’s because other things and such. Pay no heed to my whining, lets go back to the movie that I am talking about, and that is Michael Moore’s Bowling For Columbine which just about everyone has seen or has heard of and has an opinion about.
Part of the reason I put off watching it was because I felt like shit at the time. Won’t go into the rest of it. Moore’s film brought up a statement or two that I totally agree with. One is a statement that a cartoon tried to underline and another is a statement that Marilyn Manson – Home I am no fan of – made to Moore. There were also plenty of other things (Matt Stone’s thoughts about high school – how I only came to realize that a year after I got out of High School… That’s just one example) but these two statements that were made were what sold the movie to me most.
The first statement I will re-convey is Manson’s statement that we are a nation driven by consumption and fear. Our fear drives our consumption and our consumption is what drives our fear. You see a nation that is over-weight and yet you see commercials telling you to drink beer to get laid. Cause – effect. You see commercials telling you how to act and how many teens and young adults are terrorized because they are not the actors with the polished skin in these commercials? How many are driven to buy products slung by these actors in commercials because they think it will help them fit in?
Goes for smoking too — Peer pressure? Sure… Image conscious is peer-pressure to another degree – the desire to fit in. To be cool. To be popular…
The second statement that made the largest effect on me was a statement Manson already made but a Cartoon illustrated best – we are a nation driven by fear. We’re afraid the big black man walking down the street is going to get us. We’re afraid that if we don’t stop the government from taking our money, they will just blow it on crack-whore welfare and pork barrels, we’re afraid that if we don’t bomb the living hell out of a country, they’ll bomb the living hell out of us. The fear drives us, the fear catapults us to acting without thinking, acting in retaliation before there is anything to retaliate about.
Are we a country with an inferiority complex or insecurity complex?
Bowling for Columbine doesn’t offer us solutions to our problems – it just look sat our problems… That itself might be part of the problem… If we have no framework of the alternative to what we know, there is no reason to look at an alternative. Of course, the alternative to owning a gun is to go with out – scratch one. Then there is the idea of having to have a license and knowledge of how to handle a fire arm to own one… The NRA would never go for that (even though the only thing it is doing is making sure gun owners are EDUCATED). Scratch two.
More of the same is the other alternative that comes to mind and hope society changes it’s ways. Ha! Like that will happen? Scratch three. :sad
Rented Movie Reviews
So on this post bitter-singles day, I have for you a pair of films I have seen in the past 24 hours:
The Sum Of All Fears: Ben Affleck takes over the role of Jack Ryan from Harrison Ford with this prequel/sequel to the Jack Ryan movies. Personally I never cared for Ford in the role of Ryan, and The Hunt for Red October happens to be my favorite Clancy film (even with it’s cheesey special effects and it’s terrible mock ups of submarines). At any rate, this film moves a young version of Jack Ryan — CIA analyst — into the 21st century which sorta makes things weird. The Hunt for Red October was supposed to have happened around 1985… The other films in the series (Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger – two titles, by the way, that George W. Bush has no comprehension of the meanings) I have no clue when they were supposed to have happened but they starred the elder Harrison Ford after Alec Baldwin launched the Jack Ryan series with Hunt
ok, enough of the explaining… what did I think of the film?
Well, not being someone who has read the book, I enjoyed Sum even though the plot was confusing at times. The film is basically a nuclear standoff between the US and Russia as Neo-Nazi terrorists attempt to start war between the two nations. I actually liked Ben Affleck playing Jack Ryan – a mix of every-man instead of super-hero from what Harrison Ford brought to the role. When one watched the original Jack Ryan film, Red October, you saw Jack didn’t want to be there when sent to do something because he was expendable (“Next time, Jack, just write a god damned memo.” ) An all star cast of James Cromwell, Morgan Freeman, Liev Schreiber and Bridget Moynahan — meow! — round out this film. Worth a viewing – even if it drags at points.
Intolerable Cruelty: You know, i didn’t have my hearing device on when I watched this film and I have a strange thing happen every time I watch a George Clooney film — I think of him as speaking in a southern drawl, much like he di din his role in O, Brother, Where art thou? . I guess it’s just his mannerisms — I just can’t believe he would straight talk through this role of Miles Massey when Miles Massey seems totally obsessed with his teeth and white smile.
The film premise is simple — it’s about divorce and Miles Massey is the best divorce lawyer around. Cathrine Zeta-Jones (meow!) is a man eater, looking to get hitched, get divorced and make a ton of money off it. Of course, these two collide and that’s the basis for the entire film. Sure we get lessons on love and such, with a few laughs in between… but I can’t help wondering how gay Miles Massey’s assistant, Wrigley, happens to be?
You have to wonder if someone writing a review, bringing that question up, actually enjoyed the movie? I did, I honestly did… but there was a little comfortableness about the movie. I usually get this with Coen Brother movies but it doesn’t mean there is anything bad with the film. This is worth a viewing and I won’t spoil it with any more talk. :grin
Anyway, I hope to publish my list of movies rented in the past year an a general thumbs up/thumbs down next to each movie. We’ll see what happens…
Judith Dean worries
I love Judith Steinberg Dean. I respect the hell out of her as a mother, a wife, a doctor and of course a shy woman who doesn’t want the limelight. That being said, I also fear for her and Howard’s safety in the very near future.
Judy Dean, as her maiden name might clue you in about, is jewish… There is nothing wrong with Jewish people or those of Hebrew decent but of course there is always some ignorant moron somewhere in America that feels threatened by someone of this ethnicity.
I don’t want Judy to be a target of anyone’s hate. I don’t want Judy or Howard to be made examples of with regards to anti-Israeli sentiment. Howard Dean, Governor, Medical Doctor and candidate for the presidency of the United States, isn’t Jewish but the fact that he married someone of the Jewish faith might continue to make him a target of anti-Israeli sentiments.
Now, by my “anti-Israel” statements, I am not standing up for Israel. In fact, I find them just as guilty of terrorism as they keep finger-pointing towards the Palestinians. That being said, Israel has nothing to do with a medical doctor from Vermont.
I just hope, if any of these racist idiots are still lurking out there, that they realize this and don’t try to set one example or another by trying to commit some type of assault or attack against Judy Dean.
Yule Log — Happy Christmas (the War ain't over though)
Happy Christmas (War Is Over)
By John Ono Lennon
(Happy Christmas Kyoko
Happy Christmas Julian)
So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let’s stop all the fight
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
A new one just begun
And so happy Christmas
We hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear
War is over, if you want it
War is over now
Happy Christmas
Last hours
I feel odd tonight. Very much alone even though I’ve heard from friends – some of them – and had gotten in touch with Andy (my younger brother) who I don’t get to talk to as much since he moved out of the house…
Something’s missing… Maybe it’s just because I’ve been through this shit twice before in the last year and there was something that came up each time and it didn’t come up at the same time…
*sigh*
I don’t know what to say and I don’t know to stay silent. There is no joy in silence – that much I have learned. There is joy in laughter but there is no joy when the laughter is held back because the ache is too apparent. There are no smiles when the grim is hanging over you and there are only so many things you can do before you go slowly insane with worry and fear.
So, John Fontana, Neurofibrometosis Type 2 sufferer, will be going of the air again for the second time in only a few months. The Stonegauge falling silent may or may not happen – tht depends on certain people who I have entrusted this page to.
Why do I want the page to go on — even if it’s mundane stuff being reported about people’s private lives? Because the point of the Stonegauge, since I was originally broken hearted in March of this year, was to stay drunk on writing in a way to escape the day to day… Finding words sometimes were the only way to get through… I would like tha carried on even if I am not here. I know that isn’t the easiest thing to do, nor is it something desired by those who have done it in the past, but it’s there to do and I am hoping it goes on….
The operation is scheduled for 7:30 AM… It’s supposed to last six hours…. I might be under anesthesia, but these will likely be the longest 6 hours of my life — defining just who I am going to be and what life I will lead for the remainder of my mortal existence…
There is stuff I want to say in closing but alas, they are really empty statements and not true words…. There is a lot of emptiness around… Emptiness that is caused by things out of my hands — beyond my control. Shit happens and all of that…. Who’s to say that’s not true? Decisions that you make – so yourself alone.
Take care, all. A happy and joyous Thanksgiving to those who find this site – and best wishes for the Holidays.
Knife Time
Well, it looks like it will be WEDNESDAY for me when I finally deal with this leg thing once and for all.
That’s right, kiddies, I’m going under the knife again in 6 days (almost five now). I knew it was coming up, that is why i was whining and bellyaching a little more the past week. That’s why I was missing a little more over the last week.
6 Days – that was quite a shock when I heard that was one of the possible dates…
Yes, it was only one of the possible dates but I’m sitting here knowing I am fading with my leg strength, as I have been since I got out of the hospital in September… I’m having more problems and damnit – if I don’t try to fight this stuff, it’s going to get worse and worse until I’ll be forced into a worse spot than I am in now.
And folks, I’m in a bad spot now. My friends have known it, my family knows it. I’ve known it since I came to in the hospital in August after the last operation….
So what’s going to be the deal witht he Stonegauge over the time? Well, instead of putting a muffler on the site, the guest writers will come out of the woodwork again. Certain people still have their accounts but I’ve also talked to a couple of my good friends who will be trying to keep things running while I am out of action.
My buddy Keith from Calgary, Alberta; my FSU-attending, U of F loving bud-ette, Terra; my Nebraska Corn-husker friend, Melanie…
Fear the Posse, people, fear the Posse :evil
SO I got until Tuesday. WHo knows what the deal will be the next few days. I got to get my shit in order online and off… And figure out how I am going to live life Post-op…..
D-Day…. B-Day
There’s just one thing I want today even though I know I won’t get it. It’s not big in physical form and it’s not small when it comes to meaning… At least not to me, it at least puts me at peace.
YOU BORN TODAY You have humor, imagination and a sense of the human story. Personally, you’re capable. But privately, you have a romantic soul. You will give your all for love. Everyone knows you are a free spirit; yet you value your origins. Major changes lie ahead. Fear not: They are favorable.
You Born Today: You are a committed idealist, which means you have your moments of rebellion. You want to make changes for the better in the world. You are strong-minded and know how to organize the efforts of those around you You will always do what you believe is right. Work hard this year for rewards in 2005. Birth date of Toni Braxton, singer
I also found out Vladimir Putin’s birthday is today… I know I share it with John Melloncamp and a few other famous people…
*Sigh* Back to the grind….
TKO
A technical knockout or a TKO is when a fighter is knocked down three times during a fight (or some other specified number).
Three times. Three times. Down and out three times.
I’ve talked briefly in past entries about my balance being bad – partly thrown off because of my legs, partly because of stuff I don’t know… In the past 24 hours I’ve fallen — and fallen hard – three times because of balance SNAFU’s.
I don’t know, I just don’t know any more. It’d be nice for someone to comprehend how difficult things are for me right now. It’d also be nice to be able to contact my doctor and discuss things more with him… But I don’t see him (and maybe not at all) until 2 days before the operation.
And I’m sorta scared because there’s just too much of the great unknown laying before me. It’s not the unknown I fear as-so-much not knowing what the deal is going to be before hand. I can play things on the fly – but as far as I know I could end up in rehab for an unspecified period of time after this.
BTW – I am done with 24 season 1…
Non-commital and an acquital
I want to
rant about commitment and things like that right now and people’s fear on it
because — well, there’s just some of it around from a few different people
and it’s more of the same in my humble opinion. More of the same that I’ve already
been exposed to but I hadn’t commented on…
I’ll pass
though. I’m just not committed to the idea of going off on that one…
I think
Assignment 3 is done for der Long Ridge. I mean I really think it’s done. It’s
not that I was toiling but as I said in previous entries to this journal – I
was avoiding (there is that wacky lack of commitment thing again! How ironic!).
Though I’m not entirely happy with the story because it seems weak and not provoking
or anything like that – just a report on living as a Bucs fan up until January
of this year (SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS BABY!!! YAY!!! 
) and that makes me sorta depressed because I really like writing stuff with
a hook or that really makes you pissed off…
Writing
should invoke emotions at times… I mean, this journal is a purging of my own
emotions most of the time (and an attempt to get me on the knack of writing
in general for the day) yet there are thoughts and ideas that have been presented
here that might make you say "Yeah, I’ve been through that before."
Or perhaps, "Damn, I can’t imagine what this guy is going through."
That’s still invoking an emotion. What I wrote and will submit to my course
was supposed to invoke more of the feeling of a fan that has suffered through
the hardships and the relation to fans across the nation and around the world
who have suffered for years… Yet it didn’t end up that way.
I still
have to write Lou a
letter… Or more like edit the letter I already wrote to him. No biggie there,
just gotta commit to it instead of zoning out.
Eh, one
last note – I’m pissed off at the online pizza ordering things. They’ve dumped
all their deals and it’s making it harder for me to buy a pie online (which
I used to love to do).
