Tag: dating
Stimulating an inferiority complex
I’ve got a friend who likes to highlight his frustrations and sometimes show off a perpetual defeatist attitude: One where he goes into a situation worried and “a wreck” and comes out worse off with no confidence at all. Usually these are either social situations where he’s trying to make inroads with a virtual stranger / romantic interest or job interviews where he feels like he has to sell himself.
Well, he has to do that in both… Or he’s certain of it. Sell who he is and what he stands for and demonstrate it.
In comparison, my worry is attaining these situations. I’m not fearful, going into it, of screwing up a job interview or a social meeting but I know that afterward I will worry that I did just that. Be it a job interview or a date. I don’t sell myself but I try to be myself.
But like I said, it’s attaining these things that worries me. That challenges me. That makes me a wreck and makes me frustrated. I scan over job listings and I see jobs I could do but then there is one, two, three, maybe a few other details that I know I couldn’t handle or things I cannot fill in because I lack those credentials. On dating sites, it’s seeing someone’s image and knowing that’s just what you want and then not getting a reciprocation of interest when you reach out to them. Or worse, “Thanks but no thanks.” Some dating sites are worse because you find out how “compatible” you are with someone and see you are not nearly their ideal… Or lack one or two key intangibles time and again on every single listing you read and requirements of what the other person wants.
You start doubting yourself and everything about yourself. Do you have skills? Absolutely. Do you have talent? Unquestionably. Do you have something to offer in a relationship? Undoubtedly…
…they just don’t seem to apply to anything you are applying for, though.
It feels like there is a phantom job that is out there just for you. There’s a phantom person that is waiting for you to drop into their lives. I’m not even talking about ideals here, but I am talking about something above bottom-of-the-barrel. I’ve been in both jobs and relationships that I ended up feeling were beneath me. The job didn’t make me feel so bad because I was being productive and I gave my all for my paycheck. You don’t get a “paycheck” in a relationship, so to speak, so you better damn well feel productive and happy with who you are with.
But in the hunt for either a job or a relationship, I end up feeling torn down before I even get a chance to make an attempt. That’s a repeatedly poor situation that just keeps popping up.
It tells a tale
It was a couple of years ago that I was wondering just what Michael Stipe was singing about in the R.E.M. classic “Losing my Religion”. For the prudes or the ultra-religious, the title might suggest the song is about a conflict in faith of the Divine. It’s a crisis of faith, indeed, but it’s faith in ones own self and self confidence.
In simplicity, it’s about someone not able to work up the courage to talk to the object of their affection:
A little advice, hai?
I’m going to a Japanese Steakhouse and Sushi bar tomorrow. I’ve never done Japanese meals — Sushi or Japanese prepared entries. That being said, I could use some advice on what to try or what to avoid.
I’d like to get through this without gagging, or without throwing up and looking like a fool (not that I can avoid it) too badly… So please comment away for, say, the next 16 hours…
I need to start paying heed to what I write
Back in July, I wrote a disgusted little message to myself:
Note to self: People make time for what’s important to them. Be they friends, ideas, events, etc. Proof of this is someone’s trip to (South Florida) while not being able to stop by while only a matter of blocks away during upteen days of (recent) past.
So what should we have learned here kids? “You make time for what’s important to you” as I said directly. You make time for kids, you make time for pets, you make time for friends and certainly for those you have interest in. When you or someone else doesn’t make that time – well, search down deeply enough to see if what’s important to you is as important as what is keeping you from those that matter to you.
Why am I bringing all this stuff up? Because after an eye opening encounter I’ve gone right back to this square one. From the point where I have someone aware of what’s been obvious for a while to right back to what I used to deal with.
Closing from that post in July that I linked to and quoted at the top? It still applies: And so it goes, and so it stays…
Do I have to say the words?
You know, I tried to find the perfect way to write up a story about my night last night but “Do I have to say the words?” seems perfect in describing it. What I thought was obvious had to be stated. What I thought was apparent, had to be admitted.
What comes from it remains to be seen, but at least I’m not sitting on things.
(this absolutely vague message was brought to you by Al Gore, astrologers everywhere and the letter O!)
I can't get there from here
My biological clock is tickin’ like this! (stomping feet) At this rate, I ain’t neva’ gettin’ married!” — Marisa Tomei (as Mona Lisa Vito) in My Cousin Vinny
A couple of months back, my friend Terra had asked me if guys start having the biological clock thing and start feeling antsy about things. This was inspired by her friend Marc who seemed to be getting that way in wanting to settle down (I forget the exact details of the conversation). I do remember telling her that generally I (as a guy) felt like it was time to grow up and some people also must get it.
I never expected a feeling of dread that I am missing out on more (love, family) until today.
I’m rather chronic with wanting to get involved and I know I bitch and whine elsewhere about my prospects.. Yet I’ve never felt like I would want, need or have a child. That’s probably still the overall realistic truth (I’m single, I am not dating, I am not sleeping around, nor am I the type to just sleep around)…
Yet last night, out of nowhere while my head was weaving it’s magic through the dreamscape — i had a child. I mean, I was the father of a little girl that appeared in the wandering farscapes and such of my subconscious. A little blond haired girl with glasses who thought I was going to be upset with her that she bought herself a toy instead of something else she needed. I re-assured her I wasn’t and put on a happy face. I also ended up — while trying to fix her glasses — breaking her spectacles by accident.
But what has nagged at me is my knowing the girl thought I was her father and I was her father.
I really need to get my mind off this subject and the entire subject of romance right now. Nothing good is going to come from a forced encounter with a stranger that I meet in this state-of-mind…
Lucky Hat
I bought a hate in early 2004 — before I officially launched Boltsmag, before the Lightning had cemented the fact they were on a run to immortality and the Stanley Cup. A tan hat by Nike with the Lightning emblem on it, a velcro fastener in back with “LIGHTNING” embroidered on it and the Nike logo sown into the bill.
It’s a little small, I almost think it’s a woman’s cap… Never the less, I wore that thing from January until I attended game seven of the Stanley Cup Playoffs and saw the team hoist Lord Stanley chalice. This is my good luck cap for the Lightning… Or it was at least… or is it still?
Back in March 2005 I was dating Jenna and went with her to Target to pick out another hatt. After all, my Lightning cap was soiled terribly and really bothersome due to it’s size. I picked out an Orange County Chopper’s hat and wore that from March until just a few days ago…. On rare occasions — like opening night – I wore the Lightning hat. The Lightning won on opening night but have been lackluster for most of the season.
So when Madeline chewed up my O.C.C. hat, I threw a shit fit and went out shopping for a new hat. I couldn’t find something I wanted at Target and couldn’t get down to the Mall to buy a new sports orientated hat… I sulked… I was wearing my smallish Lightning cap at the time… I’m still wearing the cap on a daily basis now…
…And the Lightning are winning again…?
They’ve looked like a different team in the last several days… I disregarded their victory over Los Angeles, was a bit surprised when they beat up Marty Turco and Dallas… Tonight’s game versus the Thrashers makes me wonder mightily about the powers of this ballcap… I know it’s not a can’t-lose cap, but there’s something to it. I’m sure of it.
I'm screwed
How fucked am I because of Herr President?
| Pretty fucked 11 is your Fuckedness Number! Crazy! |
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You’re pretty fucked for the next four years. Why? I don’t know, maybe it’s because you’re actually smart and have real actual morals, and not just the fake Christian kind. Maybe you’re a minority. Whatever the reason, you’ve got fairly high levels of fuckedness. Prepare yourself. It’s gonna be a rough 4 years. |
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The How Fucked by Bush You Are Test written by leelander on OkCupid Free Online Dating |
POF – POS
Plenty of Fish = a Piece of Shit. Like all online dating sites – it’s great if you are a girl because there are a ton of guys on there. But if you are a guy? Ha… Girls have so many guys to sort through that they don’t really give a damn about trying to talk to someone.
A Cold December — random venting.
Random Christmas Eve rants —
I hate having to play the dick but that is what happened a littler earlier today – maybe I didn’t exactly play it but listening to someone start falling all over themselves for the umpteenth time and putting themselves into a shit situation — a dick is all I could be.
This very person had remarked about going with your head and not with yoru heart and how things will be nifty right at the start… This person also happened to tell me, a few minutes later, that she was “in love” with an abusive, controlling, insecure prick who wanted to keep her as a possesion and not as a person.
Over a couple of weeks chatting with this girl, I’d feed her logic and a few days later she comes back with “You were right.” And yet her own self-hate, self-loathing and low self-esteem leads her to punish herself… “This is the best I can do.” “I don’t deserve better”, “I’m not good for anythign more.”
🙄
I was also told by this same little girl that I shouldn’t settle for anyone or anything, that I seem like the person who would strive for just what they want… That’s true in a lot of ways but if there is anyone in life that has been resigned to the fact he’s got to settle in the end – its me. You can have personality up the waazoo, you can be sweet and romantic and a really funny guy… You can be selfless or benevolent but it really amounts to shit with people if you got a few things wrong with your person, or don’t meet the market ideal of what a lover should be.
…
And for the record, you don’t write off people and leave them in the cold (or — even worse — confess to avoiding them) at times when they need your friendship… Or to pull that act 3 or 4 tiems and expect continued benevolence. You can’t expect a friend if you can’t be one… but that’s a cold November story so we’ll just leave it be.
…
Maybe someone needs to get typing lessons for Christmas. I type fast and don’t copy edit and what happens? I look like I don’t know how to spell anything (typo after typo).
….
Anyone who tells me they don’t deserve, is full of shit. Anyone who puts up with someone’s abuse is either too in-love or just too insecure to go back to what they had with nothing. Anyone who falls in love with someone else but gets engaged to the guy they are dating just becasue she wasn’t ready to break up yet… Well, that’s just fooling everyone and setting up for problems. You can want to share a bed with someoen but, dear God, you’re REALLY setting up to get screwed by drawing it out like that!
…
And by the way… Bryan? Not that you read my blog but you really shouldn’t get so upset over Liz. Yes there were a few misteps there but give it time, buddy. Just be a friend or try to be and be content with that. Keep your eyes open as well, you never know what else is goign to come along (and actually be clear about their intentions instead of wishy-washy like a middle-school girl.
Is this an election or a dating service?
ABCNEWS.com : Bush Accuses Kerry of ‘Mixed Signals’
What’s next? “Bush team accuses Kerry of being prick teasers?”
“Kerry: ‘Bush won’t put out in the end!’ ”
OK, maybe I shoudl be blaming ABC’s editing for highlighting this line but…. Jeez, what a mess we are in with this election.
Lackadaisical
Oh sure there is plenty for me to post about in here– or more like RANT about — but I’m busy right now…
Most of my posts are being devoted to Boltsmag right now and that means my rants on Rummy, movies (The Last Samurai was good – though I can spoil it and say “…because it’s Tom Cruise” ), the weather, walking, furniture, flooring, etc…
As for now, digging up news on the Lightning and making the Boltsmag site more accommodating is where I’m focused…. Well, that and trying to rehab.
Something's Got to Give and Take
It’s late when I write this… Or early if you think of things that way… I guess it’s a “Half-empty”, “Half-full” kinda observation but whatever… That isn’t really the point I am trying to drive home in this post.
What is my point? I haven’t the foggiest. I’m just awake and bored and I have a few moments because I am not trying to write my story that I have been working on (the “Peters Problem” story is now 73 manuscript pages long and I am choking up because I don’t know if I shoudl continue or if the story is worth continuing or what).. That’s my first crux of the moment…. Maybe I am just wrong for writing it at all because it gets lame? Or I feel like it’s lame at least and I just need some input (which I am awaiting from certain people).
Maybe the doubts arose from watching Something’s Got To Give last night? Great movie but I felt like art was imitating life when I saw it. There were so many things that I could identify with from both the main characters…. well, except menopause, wrinkled asses, dating women half your age and of course — being 55+…. But other things, other issues… It was a real shot of deja-vu watching it… Uncanny…
That, or I am drawing too many thoughts from films. That was my initial reaction when I tried to put doubts into my mind. “You read too much into these things John. Stop taking them so seriously!”
But between the story and the movie — i just have doubts and have confusion. I hear the phrase over and over again that everything happens for a reason and I am trying to think of reasons why my life is how it is, why things go as they do. Am I supposed to fail in life? Is that my reasoning?
Yeah, that’s negative… That’s how I’m thinking right now though. Balls-to-the-wall honesty.
And I am also rambling here if you couldn’t guess… Not a clear, coherent entry and… Ah, hell, I just need something interesting and positive right now.
In John's place…
Let me just say AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHH!
If there is anything worse than being single, and having to deal with a roomate who just started dating, and is all lovey-dovey, I have no idea what it is.
I’d prefer Chinese Water Toture right about now.
Happy New Year to everyone!
Musical Justifications
I didn’t get to sleep last night until… well. this morning. It must have been 5 AM when I finally conked out. Pretty shitty if I do say so myself. I woke up around nine and stayed in bed until 10…. And yet I am still going strong right now without the urge to nap? WTF is up with that shit, y0?
Today I have politics on my mind a good bit. I haven’t talked about the WMD’s or much at all about the war in general since military operations started in Iraq. Of course, EVERYONE who has ever read this journal and knows me knows that I am against the war and think it’s unjustified. Well, the administration is continuing musical-justification for the war and now is stating that 9-11 is the reason why the United States attacked Iraq.
Give me a fucking break.
To say 9-11 justified the war is to say that any time someone acts suspiciously then you have every reason to kill that person in order to protect yourself. I mean, if I am walking down the street and someone is wearing baggy pants and looks intimidating, do I have the right to shoot the bastard on site because I am afraid? No. The White House is justifying everything that it does through 9-11 and it’s saddening that people actually believe it.
At any rate, Assignment 3 for my correspondence course is in the mail and on it’s way to the Lou-one and I still have bad bad feelings about the assignment. I sent him a copy of the Times article about me from last year as well as Re Elect JF’nK (he’s a Hudson Valley Renegades fan and they have a soft spot for Joe up there). I don’t know, i just feel really odd about it.
Oooh, before I forget to add this: have any of you been having problems with pop-up ads in Windows? I don’t mean pop-up ads while you are surfing web pages… I mean static messages that appear out of no where while you are online. You will want to look at this nifty little remedy to get rid of those pesky little fuckers. Windows Messages suck ass.
