Tag: ABI
Suffering an unsound situation
A little piece of electronics fell a distance that was just over five feet. 60 inches of travel, making contact with a wooden floor. It wasn’t a heard action. It wasn’t an outright noticed incident either. It had fallen from behind the ear of this author as he sat on the edge of his bed and made preparations for use of the device itself.
And the only action derived from noticing the fall and reclaiming the object has been silence.
I went stone deaf in 1997 after a necessary operation to reduce/remove an acoustic neuroma; an inter-cranial benign tumor from my head. That tumor had already played a part in me losing hearing in both my ears during the previous four years. The surgery, for the sake of having a life, had to happen though. When the operation occurred in December ’97, I was also implanted with what is known as the Auditory Brainstem Implant, a variation of the Cochlear Implant – a device that brings the hearing world to those who are implanted with it and who use an external sound processor to enable it. For a deaf person to adopt this technology is a chore – to learn a new dimension of life. For a late-deaf adult? It’s a miraculous resumption of a realm of living.
I’m living in silence right now and I’m in hell.
I never heard it but I knew the unknown
You ever come across something totally foreign to you and yet you distinguish it? You know of things even if you have never physically interacted with them? I’m not talking about watching commercials for amusement parks or other famous locales and then going to them. I mean something more personal and yet something more physically removed than having seen or heard whispers about an item and then having it thrust on you by chance. Read More
The end of the mystery earworm
A few days before Christmas 2015, my friend Liz contacted me through Twitter in an enthusiastic state and asked “is this The Song?” The ambiguity is an appropriate title of a mystery earworm that’s followed me around since childhood. A couple of notes to a song, a piano or synthesizer riff, that I had heard a few times while in the car with my family as we traveled late at night through Queens, New York.
do-do DA-do, da-da Dada….
We were always passing through Flushing Meadows, on our way home in Suffolk County, New York. It was late at night as-was and it was usually me and my father who were the ones still awake in the car. Dad had been working overnight for the United States Postal Service at their sorting facility at LaGuardia Airport at the time. Driving home late at night was no big thing for him. For the rest of the family – my mothers and my two brothers – it was time for sleep. The would be dozing as we were in the beginning stages of a trip to the Great South Bay area of Suffolk County, some 50 miles away
We visited Queens and specifically Jackson Heights on a regular basis; it’s where my parents were from and their parents were still there. Well, at least their mothers and siblings. My mother’s mother was the usual destination of our trips into the city, though we regularly made brief stopovers to my dad’s mother’s place.
I don’t remember the exact streets that were taken to get to the Long Island Expressway and back home, but I do remember passing William A Shea Stadium and the World’s Fair site in flushing. I loved passing those location sites. And it was guaranteed my father would have the radio on and be listening to the music playing on one station or another while we headed east.
? da-da Dada, dad a DA-da…. ?
It happened more than once, I just don’t know how many times; it was too long ago to even try to guess. Driving through Flushing that song would be playing. Memories of the streetlamps from the highway and seeing Shea Stadium and the World’s Fair sites at night were sown with the song and the memory a guys voice tied to the song. I couldn’t recall a lyric; I could recall the piano riff though. Was it a keyboard or a piano? Memory wasn’t clear on that one either, but as time went by it came off more and more like a keyboard. Blame that on time and distance distorting a memory.
The last time I heard that song was by chance after I’d moved with my family from New York to Florida in 1989. It was about 5 years later and coincidentally / fittingly we were visiting the tri-state area because my aunt was to be married in October 1994. We all had flown from St. Pete/Clearwater airport to Newark on the long-since-defunct Southeast Airlines, and had to make the extra long trek from Newark to a location in Nassau County where our hotel was. While it was just mid-afternoon, it was only me and my father awake in the car at the time when that song came on air over the station my father was listening to.
“What is this?? What is this song, dad? It’s been in my head for years, I’ve always wondered….” He answered, but between the events of the wedding-weekend and life in general, what he said didn’t get retained in memory.
A lot of things have taken place in my life since that afternoon, including me becoming deaf and regaining my hearing with thanks to an Auditory Brainstem Implant (it’s a variation of the Cochlear Implant). One thing that didn’t change was memory of that song that riff. It haunted me. I started imitating it and running it by people in person around 2004, seeking out suggestions from those who grew up in the 1980s. Maybe they’d know? I ran it by family first before reaching out more broadly in recent years (by way of social media).
Early in 2015 I compiled a list of Billboard Hot 100 lists from the mid to late 1980s and started to check songs whose titles I didn’t recognize… Maybe that one is it? Oh, by the way? I’m not even supposed to be able to enjoy music as much as I do. That’s supposed to be a shortcoming of having sound by way of the Cochlear implant – you can’t process music right, and can’t enjoy the songs for what they are.
Yeah, well, I’ve got 1250+ songs in my iTunes library, many of them songs I’ve only heard after going deaf, and they sound like they should depending on the era they were recorded in.
Back to the Billboard listings – I stuck it all in an Excel file, and while it reintroduced me to a lot of good music from 1987 through ’84 or ’83, I didn’t find what I was looking for. I didn’t go through everything though – getting impatient and disappointed as well as having the rest of life happening. I still have the spreadsheet tucked away somewhere on the PC and want to go through it again to sample other songs from the list but, well, that’s not necessary any more in the case of THE song.
I forgot how Liz got caught up in this. We were talking through Twitter I guess and out of frustration or because musical chatter had come up – I brought up the song. A little while after our conversation in the summer, I sent an audio recording of me humming the song. Like many had reacted to me over the years, Liz (who’s my age) recognized the riff but had no clue of the song – who it was, what the song title was. She’s a 1980s music fan and has friends who are 80s music fans. The plan was to keep an ear open for it.
Oh, by the way? Soundhound sucks. I’ve used that app a few times on Android phones and at no point has song humming worked to identify a song, let alone this long-standing sought after item. While I see the application as absolutely loved by the masses, it’s just never lived up to its reputation or abilities unless I put a smartphone up to a speaker when a song plays that I need to identify.
At any rate, back to Liz: She was traveling with her husband and a friend through upstate New York less than two weeks ago. A SirusXM station that focused on stuff from the 1980s came on the air. A lot of songs have been suggested to me over the years ago The Song, but all of those suggestions aren’t even of the feeling of 80s pop hits that this thing sounded like. It’s no rocker, it’s no ballad. It was… it was … something… Probably a one-hit wonder too if I’ve never crossed it again. And you can guarantee a one-hit wonder song will make it back on-air through a station that covers a decade…
@Johnny_Fonts Fontana! “Steppin’ Out” by Joe Jackson!!! Is that The Song??
— Elizabeth (@spitesprite) December 19, 2015
I click that link and the tempo alone matches the memory. Then the piano of Joe Jackson’s “Steppin Out” starts coming through strong….
That link Liz posted, that song and hearing it again and knowing who sang it… that was an early Christmas gift and turned out better than the majority of my tangible gifts received this year. To have such a long standing question answered. It brings a level of internal peace and allows a degree of comfort. Such a trivial and persistent question gets solved, and now the earworm can’t haunt me by way of ignorance of who and what.
Jacked In
So I’ve had my artificial means of hearing hooked up and running for more than six years now… I don’t brag about it much or talk about it much because every time I get confident in something audio-wise, I then get into a social situation and end up getting sent back to feeling outside the hearing world again because I can’t understand the conversation.
Of course, I can revel in the fact that I can enjoy music again. I have been able to for some time as I think it’s been a tool for me to adapt back to the hearing world in one way or another. Sort of like a personal configuration utility for my brain — I remember how certain songs sound or certain tones I should be listening for — a cymbil crash perhaps, maybe the backign orchestra section jumping in during the refrain to “Hey Jude” — and press myself to hear these things. I use it as a gauge to see how well I am doing.
That took on a new dynamic last month as I had two cords, termed as Personal Audio Cables – sent to me by Cochlear Corp. These two wires — for personal media players or hi fi stereos/TV’s/computers — let me connect my body-worn speech processor directly to the aforementioned objects so I hear the tones or the music directly instead of trying to sort things out through a set of speakers.
But lets dispense with the technical crap. I got these things in January and I unpackaged one of the cables. I connected it to my PC speakers and then turned on iTunes… pulled up a song and started to play…
You seen the Matrix?
That scene where Neo gets combat training information uploaded to his head by Tank? It was kind of like that.
“Hey, I think Mikey likes it. Want some more?”
“Hell Yes!”
Now, nothing beats hearing and feeling music coming through the air and through the speakers. Nothing beats listening to smething in surround sound (for example) where you feel the sound waves and it adds to the effect of whatever you are listening to.
That aspect is lacking. But the aspect of having music beamed directly to my head? I’ll take it any day of the week. It’s been so awesome that I bought an iPod Nano and am experimenting with music I’ve never listened to before – which I wouldn’t try much when I was relying on the speakers alone.
Smashed
One time of year I always love is when I have to depart from the sunny and just-too-damn-humid climate of Tampa Bay and wind my way to the original sprawl-town-USA locale of Los Angeles — which has actually started to go back to the concept of rail transportation and it makes getting around a snap compared to Cars-only-screw-pedestrians Tampa Bay. The trip takes place in the fall as part of my annual checkup and ABI tuning at the House Ear Institute near downtown LA.
I’ve stayed the last few years north of the Mid Wilshire center, not quite Hollywood, not Downtown, not Wilshire and not that great a hotel but it worked in it’s simplicity. This time around, I pampered myself and stayed downtown at the Westin Bonaventure. I haven’t stayed at a hotel that nice before and a three star rating from certain online travel companies seems cruel. At any rate, the location is extremely centralized — blocks away from subway access, shopping, Union Station (Flyaway is a blessed thing) and what not. It was a bargain compared to my normal hotel – so I paid a few extra bucks to stay there.
What I didn’t take into account was being out of shape in my post-op condition. I also didn’t take into account my unfamiliarity with the building would lead to blood, pain, and embarrassment.
2400 miles from home without anyone to hang out with – I go stumbling around the Galleria in the first few floors of the hotel and try to find a skybridge to other buildings and there shopping offerings.
Cuz what else are you going to do when you’re bored and have a little cash to spend besides shop?
So I find this exit to a skybridge — whoo hoo! — and start walking down a long corridor with skylights. I ignorantly think I am on the skybridge itself (the Bonaventure has several and ALL are uncovered) when in fact I am walking beneath the pool deck/patio of the building.
So I come to the end of that hall and find a pair of double doors saying thank-you, leaving-the-hotel, blah-blah-blah…. I can see a flight of stairs down and a flight of stairs up a short distance in front of me. I swing those doors open and walk a few steps — never observing the two steps down immediately in front of me.
Anarchy ensues.
I tumble and smash my face into a concrete-ornamental-edging at the side of the wall. I wither and moan in pain. I’m shaking, I’m bleeding, I think I’ve broken my nose.
2400 miles from home, no family in the greater Los Angeles area… The gimp-with-a-limp has worked himself ineptly into a fine mess.
I try my best to collect myself. Standing up — no, more like staggering to my feet. I get my bearing and see those stairs I missed, I also see the blood all over my hands and mutter a whiny “Oh shit” in response to this. I stagger up those steps back to those doors I mentioned… I find them locked from the outside. Imagine that.
Looking back, it feels like an eternity trying to decide what to do — go upstairs to who-knows-where or down to street level? I chose the former as to the latter and I find the pool deck of the hotel. I’m too shook up to really know if anyone who I passed spoke to me or even acknowledged me as I walked back to the hotel with blood flowing from my nose.
The fallout of all this is me walking bloodily to the lobby and asking for help, and the hotel springing to action to take car eof one of their customers. I appreciate the hell out of that but I’m stille mbarassed by being there while a convention was gathering and people checking in and out and what not. Of course, hotel security took care of that by getting me behind closed doors and takign care of me…
Probably the most anecdotal happening in LA in my time visiting the City of Angels on my lonesome. This would only have been better with company
do not hate, ren-o-vate!
The only thing that blows harder than being stuck in one location while recovering from a major operation is being stuck in one location while recovering from a major operation AND that location being under renovation.
I mean, I’ve been home about 3 weeks so I really shouldn’t be bitching but having my bathroom totally demolished (tub removed, tile removed, vanity removed, mirror and medicine cabinet removed, etc, etc) makes things just a LITTLE hectic. I also feel bad for my younger brother who is doing all the work — kicking ass and taking names of course, but it’s a lot of work.
The new tub is in place now, that’s nice. When I can actually bathe again and use the facilities in peace will be even better. Maybe by the end of the month? **Shrug**
Where the money is coming from
While it isn’t an FEC filing, it is rather telling to see how certain Democratic presidential candidates are doing with online fundraising through ActBlue. Actblue, for the uninitiated, is a Democratic clearinghouse that takes donations for all National Democratic candidates (and some state ones as well). While it isn’t anything more than another fundraising source, it also represents the people and the Netroots.
John Edwards leads the charge, having been in campaign mode since the end of the John Kerry campaign… He’s earned over a million dollars through the Act Blue service. Bill Richardson – also a long time suspected candidate — is next on the list with 288 thousand dollars to his name.
Wes Clark, Howard Dean, Al Gore — all undeclared or just flat out not running — have a few thousand to their name… And while Mike Gravel and Chris Dodd are the ones who are oh-fer ActBlue, it’s Hillary Clinton’s numbers that should send a message to people…
Hillary, who keeps getting named the front runner because of her recognizability (or her last name) has earned $81. Eighty One dollars.
There are pundits on the right who think Democrats are clamoring for HRC to be the nominee, and there are media pundits who think Hillary is a shoe in… Yet if the Internet community — the activists who are vocal online — aren’t showing their support financially for Hillary, then why are they going to show their support with their votes for her next year during the primaries?
Just saying. It’s known Hillary is not big with the online community, but she still is the big name in the field unless Al Gore were to enter the fray (which I don’t think will happen, sadly).
Assets, liabilities and idiocy
Just why does the St. Petersburg Times persist with ranking candidates assets and liabilities as financial clout or debts? A political candidate’s financial porfolio should play absolutely no part in how a voter decides his or her vote.
True assets and liabilities are determined to voters by candidates philosophies, their standces on issues and their endorsements and the identity of campaign contributors. The fact a candidate has 2 mortgage’s on his/her house isn’t going to effect their votes unless they are shady individuals to begin with.
Wire(d)less
My annual forray to the West Coast is approaching fast. Yep, it’s been a year since I went to Los Angeles last and I’ll be heading back to the City of Night in early October. While the schedule is nothing I haven’t done before (Tampa to Dallas to LA and back again in 4 days, same hotel that I’ve stayed in the last 2 years) there is a bothersome logistics problem I need to solve between now and my departure date.
Basically it’s some form of communications between LA and home.
For the first time since 2001, I need to stay connected with things back home. Certain groups and parties are counting on the ability to get-in-touch with me so I can do some work while away from the Bay area. That’s good, that’s fine. This isn’t a vacation after all. Also I need to stay in touch with family so I don’t show up on a milk carton if no one hears from me in 12 hours or more (yeah, the fam gets frantic if I don’t stay in touch).
So what are my choices?
I’ve looked at older laptop computers being resold on Ebay and by Dell itself as a possible solution — though my hotel doesn’t offer Wireless access, nor are their dataport connections free. I’ve been casually looking at the Danger Sidekick 2 – which would give me both IM and Internet access while on the go — but I’m not so keen on the huge purchase costs as well as a nice large monthly fee to keep the thing usable.
My Ogo is a joke — barely holds a charge, and I canceled the account anyway. Most other IM devices are extra costly…
I’m in a land of wonderment, without much cash to throw around and solve my dilemna.
Fontana MD
So I’m sitting down, watching the opening minutes of House last night on FOX and end up going hysterical over the fact that House drugged his former lovers husband and called the paramedics before he even arrived… It just seemed so funny and prick-ish and just perfect for Greg House (Hugh Laurie, who hath erased the mockery of his abilities that was his role in the Stuart Little movies were).
My older brother walks in on me to see why I am laughing so hard, and once i explained to him his face lit up a bit and he started relating to me how he loves the show… and so do his friends who call him House when they see him….
Mike’s always been weird in one way or another and I started thinking about the comparison between him and Greg House. House is distant, he’s bitingly sarcastic, shrewd, genius, cold… Mike is… Well, Mike is all of those things, except he’ll smile more often than House, he’ll joke more often than House (for the good of humor, not out of sarcastic desire).
Mike IS Greg House.
I’ve known women who’ve wanted to grab the mystery for themselves with Mike. You can’t quite imagine women wanting House but the mystery about him is there…. Helping to drive Dr. Cameron unsuccessfully towards him.
It’s odd, first my brother happens to look like David Duchovney… Now he happens to be like Greg House. What’s next? He starts making as much money as (insert movie star here)?
Still no work
Got another polite rejection in the mail today. Of coruse I don’t know if I would have really wanted to work for these guys. I had what it takes for the position they were looking for, just not the recent references.
Oh, yeah, that and phone ability.
I did a bit of chatting yesterday about being discouraged and got told some stuff about the resume game. Gave me a bit more hope and gave me a bit more feeling that I should be aggressive with the job applicaiton process… Not so limp.
We’ll see if there is another opportunity soon.
God Bless You
Despite the fact they are factually wrong with why we mutter blessings to people who sneeze (it was a habit started during the great plagues in Europe), Penny Arcade happens to get me in stiches once again (boy, you can see that in text, can’t you?) with one of their recent comics.
Looky what we got here…
Well, dag-nabit, looks like we’ze got ourselves a little planned protest on our hands.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw!
The trip
Where to begin, where to begin?
“I’m only sorta gimpy. I can get there by myself.” I told a curb side check in agent for American Airlines. He smirked and let out a laugh and I went on my way into Tampa International Airport to start my trip on Tuesday morning. I had my Eastman backpack swung over my shoulders, dress pants on and my “trusty” cane in hand as I navigated the terminal and made my way to the airside concourse.
American Airlines made it real easy on me and helped me out the entire way to and from Burbank. Being it lead onto the plane by a Stewardess in Tampa or the ticket-agent trying to get me a replacement flight to Tampa from Dallas if I didn’t make that conneciton flight (more on that later)… AA kicked ass in their service.
The big thing about this that upset my parents and extended family was I was going 2200 miles by my lonesome as my first trip solo. Not to mention I’m still a gimp to one extent or another, walking with and without a cane at times.
Not like I needed to care about being gimpy once I got on the streets of LA.
If there’s one difference that is night and day in La Cuidad de Angels compared to Tampa/St. Pete and the suburbs, it’s the fact that pedestrians have the right of way. Here in Florida, I’d get run down sooner than a car actually wait to turn during a green light. In Los Angeles? I got honked at for not walking and waving cars on at an intersection. That was the biggest adjustment, and the most pleasing.
The other thing that hits me hard every time I am out there is getting used to being surrounded by minorities. Mexicans, Japaneese, African Americans, etc…. One huge eclectic mix. Here in the south, people can only hold closed minded views and hold fear when thinking about situations like that. Me? I fucking LOVED it.
Sure, there is the idea you could get jumped by a gang here and there — that was before I did some thinking and observing. Grandma’s were out walking with canes, unmolested by teens hanging out and kids walking around with CD players weren’t being attacked… I think that gives you an idea it’s safe to be out and about during the daytime and not so intimidated…
At any rate, half the reason I was able to do this trip was my buddy out west, Mark Albracht who I know from SkyscraperPage.com. Me and Mark have known each other a while and have been friends for the past year +…. He had picked me up at the airport and we also spent some time in Hollywood looking around and stuff. It was fun to be out there and see some of the places that I have only heard about (the Kodak theater, the Egyptian….. The Walk of fame…).
Damn, there is so much to talk about and yet I am just rambling through it. And at the same time, there is little to talk about because I didn’t do much while out there. While I liked being on my own on a trip, I would have loved a peer with me (not a parent) to enjoy some of the things that I passed on or didn’t spend enough time with.
Of course, the trip did have it’s low point – my birthday . The day started off as it normally did in LA but I had an appointment that morning. A long overdue ABI checkup. What went so bad? Being forced into an MRI that i didn’t want to have done, having to sit around for four hours until I had the prodcedure, then being in physical and emotional pain with how I was dealt with by the staff… To summarize my birthday was to summarize my life: spent with me trying to look good, voyaging, meeting a friend, being duped by a faux ally, pain, humiliation and ultimately ending alone. Great attitude, wouldn’t you say? 😛 😉
Oh, I forgot to add the part about Burbank. Saturday morning I left my hotel (after barely getting any sleep) to encounter the worst fog I had seen first hand since I was a kid. The flight was grounded until almost 9 and could have made me miss my conneciton flight home… And like I said, a ticket agent stepped right up and arranged things for me if I did miss my connection. Luckily, once airborn, we made up time lost and actually came in ahead of schedule (but still not enough time for this guy to grab a meal while on the DFW International concourse.
I’m planning on getting away some more in coming weeks. A trip to NY for instance…. Who knows where else. Where I’m wanted and where I’m curious would most likely be it.
The week ahead
This is going to be a doozy of a week for me — trying? Challenging is more like it.. Lonely as well as interesting…
LA’s fine, the sun shines most the time… and the feeling is laid back….
John’s a gimp and tends to be a wimp and he has a habit to… keep on lookin’ back. 😛
I’m going out west all alone for the first time in my life. A trip on my own itself would be a challenge but one that takes me 2500 miles without a saftey net is something that troubles the shit out of my family… and me to one extent or the other.
But I want time away form them. I need time away from them and thsi suburb (but going to the sprawl of LA is almost as bad). I’ve been stuck imobile for almost a year and now that i have my mobility back, the only thing that I want to stop me is finances and being able to pay for trips where I want to go.
Oh, there is that little matter of my birthday on Thursday too. Not that I am looking forward to beign 25 years old and basically not where I want to be. I’m trying to make headway but… Heh… I’ve accomplished a bit that I never intended too and I have things everyone accomplishes by now — except me — looming over my head. This trip is one of them… Most people do shit on there own by now or have done it once or twice. I haven’t. That’s got to change.
Surviving Jeanne
It’s Tuesday while I write this and it will be Wednesday afternoon when I finally get around to finishing and I have to tell you — I’m thankful… I’m greatly thankful.
It’s been two days since Hurricane Jeanne went through Florida… Two days or an eternity for those who lost power during the storm and haven’t gotten it back. It feels like an eternity because, in the Florida sun, the warmth gives away to the uncomfortable humidity and makes living feel attrocious. At least for the non-outdoors person like myself.
The storm went through Sunday and I lost power around 11:45 in the morning. Soon after my text messenger stopped working properly and I was cut off from friends who would later tell me they didn’t lose power or cable over the duration of Jeanne’s lashing of the Tampa Bay area..
It didn’t tkae long for food to spoil, or my parents to insit we gobble up ice cream and what not before it went bad. Outside, the wind howeled and I waited patiently for one of the trees in our yard to give-way to the relentless wind torrent and snap or tip over. Fortunately that never happened. Or unfortuantely? The thing si a very ratty Indian Rosewood that we would probably be better off without in our yard with it’s adventurous roots.
Time inched on and all you could do was try to read in poor light conditions or watch the storm. I kept thinking back to the fact we are so dependant on electricity that it isn’t even funny. Television? Computers? Even cell phones that worked, appliances, etc… This dependance is compounded in the Sunshine state because of the need for the ever-present air-conditioning if you are going to get through on hot and humid day.
By six or seven in the evening, the wind and rain had relented enough to venture outside. I honestly NEEDED to be outside at this point. Cabin fever not only was driving me nuts, but being stuck with my parents and older brother — I felt cramped. I felt stuck. Of course, I wasn’t leaving the yard as the wind still gusted to 50 MPH at times, but it was better than being on the inside — starring otu into the overcast and blustery conditions.
We got power back around 11:45 Sunday night (miraculously). The only reason we had it is because our house is on the same power circit, it would seem, as the stop light at the intersection several blocks away. It was a relief to get cold again from the AC… not just cold but drier than it had been with the windows open and the humid air flowing through the house.
Yet there are neighbors still without power. WIthout cable… And it could very well have been me and my family still trying to get by without power… so like I said, I’m thankful…
And I’m rambling without even putitng up something of substance.
Travelin' man
I’m still a gimp, as I like to say. But I’m going away on my own for most of a week in a couple of weeks. Maybe that can be taken as a birthday present for myself or just a desperate need to get away. That being said – I’m going away… Way away. Californi-a.
The big thing is that this is on my own. It’s rather sad that I’m going to be a quarter century old and this will be the first time I’ve been on a trip by myself or been at a distance from my family without having some caretaker looking over me (that usually being a nurse… hello nurse! ).
It’s part of that innocent quality to my life I guess. Never having to fend for myself. But at this point, I have GOT to get away. Away from my family and away from this house. Even if I spend the entire trip in a hotel in Hollywood, too afraid to do anything, it’s a hell of a lot better than being stuck in the suburbs.
I’m supposed to have a tuneup for the ABI (hearing device) and speak to my doctor out there as well with regards to my health. But that’s supposed to take half a day and I’m going out to Hollywood for five… Craptastic!
Home Video Lameness and marketing idiocy
It was sort of an interesting thing to happen and cool that it happened to me but at the same time, it aggravated me… No, not just that, it infuriated me.
Last nigh, a representative from Warner Brothers Home Video emailed the webmaster of Boltsmag.com — namely moi — and tried to recruit me to help sling their product on the web. The product in question is the Stanley Cup Championship DVD which shows highlights of the Tampa Bay Lightning season along with Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final and the Lightning being crowned as Champs. It’s a DVD I very much want to be able to enjoy….
But I can’t. No sir, I can’t invest a couple of bucks in the DVD knowing it’s going to a company that didn’t complete the DVD and put it on the market. I can’t invest in a company branch that does it all the time with their sport DVDs. The Warner Brothers Stanley Cup Championship DVD lacks Closed Captioning for the Hearing Impaired and I happen to be hearing impaired.
Lets roll back the clock to more than a year ago with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers winning the Super Bowl…. It was a cap on a dream season for the Bucs and I quickly went and bought the DVD that Warner Brothers Home Video produced that had the entire game — or a likeness of it — along with season highlights and a pre and post game show (so they claimed).
What I found out, cruelly, was when I tried to view the season highlight package (which is always an incredible job done by NFL Films) I got pictures and sound but no clue what the narrator was telling me. No clue what miked players were saying. I could see games and relive moments but not find out what people were blabbering about at any given moment…. Was this a joke? I went to the actual game and they had the network video feed but — what is this? Not only is the video feed replaced by the respective teams radio commentary men but — no closed captioning. I had no clue what was being said by Buccaneer radio man Gene Deckerhoff or the Oakland Raiders respective play-by-play radio man.
So I could see but I couldn’t really enjoy the DVD. I wrote off a scathing letter to Warner Brothers Home Videos and got offered a free DVD of my choice as if to say “Sucks to be you – have one of our movies we can’t move on us!”
This isn’t an isolated incident with DVDs and lack of closed captioning. While major motion pictures are captioned on all DVDs, DVDs tend to be loaded with extra features such as commentary tracks and featurettes. Neither of these are captioned so that the hearing impaired can enjoy these additional features they are paying for when they buy DVDs. To make matters worse, Universal Home Videos doesn’t even use Closed Captioning but instead relies on Subtitles (much like you would see on a foreign film) with their movies. It becomes difficult to follow the film if the text is set on a white background or over a bright object. You lose entire sentences or entire conversations because of the setting of a scene.
And it gets worse from there. Trimark Home Video has the rights to NBC’s Saturday Night Live on DVD — which is both syndicated on TV and broadcast on NBC with full closed captioning… Trimark couldn’t be bothered to add this captioning to their DVDs of Saturday Night Live. Just as Rhino Home Videos couldn’t be bothered to add captioning to their DVD palette which includes children’s TV series like Transformers, Jem, GI Joe… Not to mention their Monkees DVD’s…. Or their original offering of South Park DVDs. (I have no clue if Rhino is still responsible for publishing South Park DVDs at this time. This may have changed).
With the Baby Boom population aging and their bodies failing them to one degree or another, why is it that the Home Video industry gets away with this? Better yet, with 22-34 deaf and hard of hearing Americans out there, why does the movie industry think they can ignore this demographic when it comes to their home video sales? Even more pertinent, why doesn’t someone stick the Americans With Disabilities Act in their face and tell them to shape up or ship out?
It’s an ironic story that Warner Brothers tries to get someone to help sling their DVD — for free — on the web when that person can’t even enjoy the product. It’s even more ironic that no one in the deaf community or elsewhere in America makes a fuss out of this… It’s one of the great dupe jobs going on in the entertainment industry for the sake of the almighty buck.
It's getting ugly here
Dear god, I hate all the empty space that is showing up on The Stonegauge lately… It’s not like I’m spread thin on he Internet or anything, it’s just that I haven’t wanted to rant about anything that I could rant about. I mean, really, how many times have I already stated what a sham Iraq was? Or how incompetent / dirty the Bush administration comes off? It’s like shooting fish in a barrel to be honest with you.
I have been parlaying a lot of time toward my new online endeavor along with trying to help out the search engine placement for Rocheleau Cabinetry… Building an online community is tough but with the amount of downtime i have, it should be no problem. There is a problem however and that is trying to bring in people who already have message board communities and cliques of their own that they don’t want to abandon. I’m not much one for spamming but I am on for recruitment of smart people.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, it’s cloudy and rainy here in Florida. I don’t think it’s anything close to what people up north have dealt with lately but it’s miserable. You can’t believe how humid it is to boot. That makes it even worse.
Speaking of weather, how come it’s so friggin’ impossible to find the Tropical Update on Weather.com? It’s only a glut of people who need to know what’s brewing out in the tropics that could lead to potential hazards. Not like that’s important… :rolleyes
Re-adjusting
It’s always tough to change a habit…. but in these times, you just have to do it…
I am talking about switching from Internet Explorer to Netscape…
With the threat of attack or exploiting IE that has been all through the news, I figured it was best I go about changing web browsers for the time being. I’m not even sure if Netscape 7.1 is that safe either but I am using it as my default browser now and it’s going to take some getting used to clicking on NETSCAPE instead of the little Internet Explorer Icon.
Summer Doldrums
I still haven’t been posting much on the site because I want to make statements on here and not personal diatribes. My anecdotes aren’t that funny or I tell them better one-on-one with close friends instead of telling them to the masses all at once.
I got into a little argument last week with Melanie over politics. She is indifferent towards them and I am urging her to see “Fahrenheit 9-11” and we got into a dispute because of the purpose of the film and shit like that. It made me realize there’s something worse that comes out of partisan politics and corruption than just disgust — apathy. Anyone who is elected will be corrupt because power corrupts, money corrupts and the President of the United States is the key to both money and power.
Meanwhile I bought a couple of domain names and have some visions of grandeur. I’m not saying the names because it could lead to trouble… But it’s something to pass the time with.
Speaking of passing the time and domain names, I’m almost done with Rocheleau Cabinetry Inc’s web site. It’s not the most excellent design in the world but it’s good enough for government work. Hopefully this will help me pay off some debt.
And what else is there? My buddy Bill left Entec and is happy about that but of course also struggling because he wants to be doing something most of the time now… I’m in the same boat because I am getting around better now but still don’t have much to do besides trying to push myself to do more things online and offline.
I’m trying to keep myself busy… Maybe that means a lot more Stonegauge from now on because I don’t have hockey news to cover on Boltsmag.
"Song of" The Gunslinger…
Song of Susannah kicked ass.
In my review of the sixth part of the great sage and imminent wordslinger’s (Stephen King) magnum opus – The Dark Tower — I have to say that for the most part Song of Susannah made up for any and all problems that I had with his last entry to the series (Wolves of the Calla) and was probably the most constant and tension filled book in the series for me — probably a bit more than The Drawing of the Three and The Waste Lands . Compared to Wolves which I fought at times to finish up, or Wizard and Glass which lost my interest because of how far off course the story ventured, this was an absolute pleasure to read.
“Dude, stop with the praise and give me an idea what happens already!”
OK, I don’t want to play the spoiler but of course in all reviews of anything (movies, books, TV shows) you get an idea of what is going to happen in a review…. In Song, the first gasp of the novel establishes the need for the ka-tet to be repaired… Beamquake. It gives a new idea of the sense of urgency of the mission to the Dark Tower (but of course gives no idea on what they need to do there). Eddie is in shambles because Susannah has gone through the Unfounded door, Father Callahan is going insane because he’s found out he is a character in a book, Jake Chambers is still pissed off at losing his best friend because of “Frank…..Fucking….Tarvery” and of course Roland is…. Roland. A bit rational even when there is pressure afoot.
Only taking place for a short time in the borderlands between Mid-World and Thunderclap, the story spends a good deal of time in New York City of 1999 and Maine of 1977. It puts some explanation of story flaws in past Dark Tower novels and it doesn’t exactly sink with the Stephen King side plot. That was my biggest beef with Wolves of the Calla — King writing himself into the books… But you know what? It works now. You see how it works. King had written in the past about what would happen if he met Roland in person and basically you get to see that for real in this story.
Something really bit at me though and it was something I don’t know if it’s real or not. It’s excerpts from King’s “Diary” between 1977 and 1999… I don’t know how much is fake and how much is real — but if there is reality to his wife telling him not to walk a certain route and the fact he predicted 6/19/1999 (O, Discordia!)… It’s just chilling to the bone. There’s no other way to put it.
Susannah gets a lot of pages in this book — and to some degree things did get boring with her dealings with Mia (the other inhabiting her body) and that might be the weakest part of the story… That or a rehash of the ending of The Waste Lands (and no, it ain’t Blaine the Mono) might piss some people off. But it’s not going to be years until we see the conclusion of the Dark Tower saga. Episode 7 — The Dark Tower — is due out later this year.
Long Days and Pleasant Nights to ya, I beg. Life for your crop and thankee-sai… Song of Susannah is a pleasure to read.
Things
The last month has been one of change for me. Physical change, emotional (?) change, personal change and some changes around me. They’ve been more accomplishments than setback and my mood hasn’t always been the best but there is progress in my life and that makes me feel better than I’ve felt in a long, long time.
Last year around this time I was falling into an abyss as I was losing ability with my legs. Go back for yourselves and take a look at June and July 2003 and you can find my personal writings that talk about my legs giving out from under me. Now? Now I’m again at a point where there is a great deal of light in front of me but I am not entirely ready to emerge from the tunnel of darkness.
Jack Ryan needed a year to regain the ability to walk, that was what was said in The Hunt For Red October and I won’t be surprised if it lingers that long for me.
Anyway, I’ve traded my walker (which I only use rarely) for a red cane and am mixed using that and trying to walk on my own. Comes and goes with how well I can do that but it’s close enough for government work.
I started not posting onto this journal last month because I’ve had my room torn up and lost in discordia (we’ll get to the discordia reference in a minute kiddies :wink ) as I’ve finally had my ugly mica furniture removed as well as had a real floor put in… It’s a big change from what I have had. Brighter. More positive for that matter. Good for the soul, say thank ya.
And of course things really got better the last week with me getting out and seeing I could do again – that’s with help, however. I have to still put up a post about what went on with my friend Keith but that’s for another post. Maybe tomorrow.
As for now, I go back to Stephen King’s latest – Song of Susannah which I’m enjoying as I near the finish of the book. Big step up from his last Dark Tower novel. I will give you a better review of the book when I am done…
Positives are around… Quite a change of pace for the Artful Dodger, but positives are around again — thank God.
Kerry needs to put person in front of Politics
I like to joke in private that the turning point of John Kerry’s campaign – while he was being blasted and left for dead by Howard Dean before the presidential primaries — was his “Kerryfuck” scandal. John Kerry said during an interview with Rolling Stone Magazine, “Did I expect George Bush to fuck it up (Iraq) as badly as he did? I don’t think anybody did.”
Kerryfuck was born. Not just that, but it got me cracking jokes about his need to be obscene to get any press…. Well, I think Kerryfuck actually might be part of what John needs to get back into the press.
I looked in the St. Petersburg Times Perspective section today and like every other Sunday it is chock full of Bush talk… How bad Bush is doing, how Bush wouldn’t have chose this war if he served in one, how Bush this and Bush that… In each article there is brief mention of John Kerry as his opponent in November’s election and I have to wonder how much this is hurting John Kerry’s campaign.
Not only is John Kerry hurting his own campaign by not embracing the art of the Kerryfuck, the media is hurting Kerry’s campaign by focusing squarely on Boy Blunder and how bad things are going. Maybe it’s because Boy George comes off more like a human in screwed up circumstances than John Kerry? Kerry — a decorated war veteran and a Junior Senator from Massachusetts — comes off like a politician in his campaigning. He looks like the candidate who will kiss babies and then steal their lollipops in the future and not like the every-man he needs to be. He has that aristocrat flair of fictitious candidates / Presidents of the past — but does he have what it takes to seem less like a caricature and more like a human? Would John Kerry be willing to, say, show up at a Red Sox game, or perchance make an appearance at a Stanley Cup playoff game? That would certainly make him seem more human (he’s a big sports fan – that’s why I mention these things). Would he profit by making campaign stops, or by making TV appearances on Letterman, Leno, Kimmel, O’Brien and Kilborne (not to mention Jon Stewart which might trump all of the aforementioned talk shows)? By going shopping in a public place instead of having another dinner affair with chieftain fundraisers?
He’s got to generate interest in his campaign once again… For both the sake of getting media attention and for getting people’s attention. He needs to show the world that Kerryfuck – the relaxed and the more human side of John Kerry — exists and not the pompous asshole who campaigns and makes speeches and uses botox to not seem so old. He needs to get back to beating George W. Bush and not sitting back and wait9ing for Bush to beat himself.
Come on, Kerry, don’t further “fuck it up”… That’s George W’s Job…. America needs to get it’s head out of it’s ass and that will not happen with continued elitist arrogance from the Bush regime.
How is Chuck LaMar still Tampa Bay GM?
| Would someone care to explain to me how this assclown still has a job?
Charles M. LaMar the worst General Manager in Baseball and one of the worst in pro sports in general, has not been held accountable for years upon years of sub-mediocre play by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. How many times do people have to point out LaMar needs to be held accountable? John Romano did it years ago. David Egbert has done it several times and in different places. Of course, I have done it more than once, on here. In the Times and elsewhere. And of course, even the message boards get into it — I mean you can even find stuff on FanHome quite easily…. over, and over, and over again. And what do Rays fans get? They get LaMar for another two years thanks to him refurbishing the team with a new set of mediocre players. What’s even worse? The assclown even blames himself for the team being abysmal. It’s like he’s mocking those who don’t like him or how he’s run this team. “Yup, I’m to blame but there is absolutely shit you can do. Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!” |
 |
I have followed Tampa Bay’s quest for a baseball team, I have had high hopes when the team came together and how LaMar was doing at the beginning…. but year after year, mistake after mistake – LaMar wore me down, he’s ruined my love for baseball by being the idiot who has been in charge of architecture of the league’s 30th franchise. He’s made me lose the pride I have in this area with a mockery of players that are also-rans, has-beens or never-will-be’s… And of course, when he does find a diamond in the rough – the player is assured to be traded for more questionables.
Yes, you can tell me that this is baseball and there is no such thing as a sure thing in this game… but after 8 years of LaMar at the helm of the Rays, 8 years of blunders, 8 years of mistakes, 8 years of zero accountability – it’s time to pull the plug and end this farce once and for all.
Fire LaMar. Fire LaMar now and declare this season over – as it has been since Opening Day for the Devil Rays.
Dependence
I admit it, I am a junkie. A total, dyed-in-wool junkie…
I want my walker fix, I need my assistive walker fix! If I don’t have my fix, I go crazy! I have a difficult time doing routine things like, well, walking! I need to lean! I want to lean! I want your support walker! UGH!
Seriously though, folks, being a gimp as my medical posts have so often referenced, I’ve been using a walker since last August and I’m starting to get peeved I am still dependent on it. Oh no, it’s not because I physically can’t walk without it any more… It’s that… Well, I can’t LET myself walk without it. It becomes so difficult!
I looked around the Internet and I couldn’t find anything on the psychological dependence patients build towards assistive devices in case they are using them for a long time. I’ve been confident that exists for a very long time after seeing plenty of elderly people, after surgery, insist on continuing to use assistive devices that they no longer need. It’s easier that way. I have to agree with them but at the same time — I’m a 24 year old and walking around as a gimp without something to lean on kills my social life.
Friend: “So, you wanna hang out?”
Me: “Sure, just make sure you drop me off curb side because the pavement is cracked in front of the building. Also help me get to my seat — screw chivalry! — I look like a fool pushing this aluminum walking thing around.”
Fun stuff :rolleyes
SO I gotta try to kick the habit. Be that by upgrading to a cane and making it Swing or by just getting rid of the walker and forcing myself to walk without it. Easier said than don, either way.
Web Work
When in trouble or in doubt, start on another web site design for friends who are paying you 😉
Abilities and their Inabilities
So John’s an admitted gimp, right?
On his way to recovery and John the Gimp looks into work between little things this week and what happens when I call Abilities of Florida to see if they could assist me with finding a job?
I find out their phone number for TTY users has been disconnected.
OK, that’s good and fine. I can use Voice Carry Over and weird them out because of it. I mean, they’re serving the public, right? I’m a member of the public… So ring-a-ding-ding I give them a call and I get a recording that I need to type in an extension or wait for an operator. I wait and the operator comes on demanding an extension.
Puzzled, I tell them that I am not sure what extension I am looking for because I’m just trying to get information and find out how I can get assistance through this company.
After about 5 minutes of silence the operator responds — asking me again for an extension… :rolleyes
Fun stuff
Six years of Silence
You know, I was going to brush off this anniversary as another one that was a major milestone but also something I could forget because my day-to-day is busy enough without having to nit-pick at the past.
But it’s an interesting anniversary none the less — one that goes from silent to booming in 4 years and applies only when I’m lazy now.
I went deaf 6 years ago to the day.
I had an acoustical neuroma (egad, did I spell that right or wrong for the umpteenth time?) removed out in Los Angeles at St. Vincent’s Medical Center by doctor Derald Brackman and company… I woke up – not sure when, can’t recall what I was told in the past – with the only sounds in my head a constant tenninus and my own voice when I spoke. Of course, I hadn’t been able to hear much before that, as I had been constantly losing hearing in both ears since 12 or 13, but six years ago — my world went totally silent.
I can’t remember all the details – I checked in the night before to the hospital. I didn’t shave my head, like I should have done, and that resulted in a gnarly haircut… I do recall me quipping about the Big One hitting during the operation (“what happens then?” I asked those who were prepping me) and I can recall the immediate aftermath of surgery – being chained to a bed and being asked to touch my nose with my restrained hands.
Of course there is more to it – my life now with sound and the Auditory Brainstem Implant has beaten deafness. There are anecdotes from when I went deaf and the immediate aftermath to regaining my hearing in 2001 with the ABI… And of course me aborting setting up the ABI in March 1998 and delaying having sound back to begin with… but alas, that is for another time because my computer is in need of help.
Appointment from hell
So I needed a fresh MRI… that’s ok, that’s fine… 20 minutes, maybe a half hour in all… in and out, that’s what I figured when I heard about it yesterday.
Need to be prepared for tomorrow… Need my doctor fully prepared too… Give him everything he needs, no questions…
So I show up at a MRI clinic in south Tampa today which I had never been to. I showed up sometime before 10 AM with the intention of just going in and getting my shit done and going out. I figured there might be some delays because I was a last minute entry into the schedule – but I can deal with that, right? No biggie…
The biggie was everything after that. Waiting around, I get put off, put around, sidetracked, sideways. i have to strip down for the MRI and then have to sit around, freezing my ass off in 70 degrees, waiting to find out that the MRI unit is too powerful for me and it would be easier to get a copy of my OLD MRI Films from my normal clinic.
Just ook them 2 hours of bitching, paging, running around and other shit in order to figure this out. I’m pissed off at the clinic, I’m pissed off at the Cochlear corp (who happen to make my dandy ABI hearing device), I’m just pissed off in general – this is no way you want to be lead into surgery… “Eh, we won’t have things set for you, son. Sucks to be you. Hope your doctor is a miracle worker because he won’t have fresh shizit to help him through surgery.”
:rolleyes
SO i have hours left of this life, if this is a life. I was talking to a friend last night and came to the realization I have been at this crossroads before – that was when I lost my hearing though. It was a lot different and a lot the same — going back to square one, entirely. Having to learn how to deal with life all over again from a new perspective…
….That is, if things don’t work out. And honestly – I don’t know how they will work out. Right now I think I need a miracle….
Interaction #2 — Part Three: Inter-answers
Keith Asked
1. New York Yankees, or New York Rangers?
Rangers. They spend all that money and STILL suck!2. If you were told you could be rich and famous, but would die in 10 years, would you want it?
I don’t know… Sometimes I feel like I only have 10 years to live anyway… So I’m really not sure. IF I could be rich, make everyone financially secure and better off financially and pass away in ten years – not knowing how long I had to live myself… I’d have to seriously give it consideration.3. Rosie O’Donnell nude, or Oprah Winfrey nude?
Oprah nude… I don’t think I could take all the skin folds on Rosie4. Would you rather be destitute and in love, or rich and in a meaningless relationship?
Destitute and in love, any day.5. Onions are the root of all evil, explain why. :wink
Hmmm, this is a tough one, a good one at that. You see, Onions tend to cause gas in people and that adds methane to the atmosphere – from all the people breaking wind because of Onions in their meals. Methane gas helps global warming and making the earth a less hospitable place to live. If, because of all the onions we eat, we end up making the Earth unable to sustain life, we could put enough blame on Onions for it… And for one vegetable to cause that much death and destruction that would come from global warming, it could be easily concluded that Onions are the root of all evil.
PPH Asked:
1. What’s your favorite color?
Blue or green2. When do you give up on someone?
You only give up on someone when they have given up on you or stopped showing interest, or pushed you away so much it’s quite visibly their move. If someone turns a blind eye towards you or stops talking to you or just puts you off in general, you get to the point where you might have to just give up on them because the hurt that it causes becomes too much. Then again? When you love somebody, you it’s hard to bring yourself to stop trying. It’s gotta be mutual in the end, though. This goes for friendships too.3. Paper or Plastic?
Paper. Renewable resource that biodegrades. Call me a eco-freak.4. Skankiest entertainer?
Madonna with Christina Aguilera a runner up. Britney is coming up the back awfully fast too.5. Will Howard Dean win the election? :o)
He sure better. We need him.
Sarah Asked
1. What’s better, rambling or silence? Rambling, but conversations that go on and on and everything else falls away during them isn’t rambling.
2. If you want to speak to someone, what reasons can you think of not to?
Depends on what the deal is with that someone. If there are things left unsaid, or things that were never apologized for, that might be a reason… If a person won’t get back to you, that might be a reason. If you’ve been treated poorly and that’s been unacknowledged, that might be a reason… You can still very much want to talk to someone, but when they build a wall to keep you out of their life, you’ve got to build a wall of your own to keep your sanity.3. When things go wrong, who’s fault is it most of the time?
It’s not about blame but it’s about making things right again – and that takes an effort from all parties. That’s the problem in this country because people won’t take steps to make things better (government, corporations, people in relationships)… They can assess blame and finger point real well, but they can’t rectify situations – or chose not to because it would compromise their ambitions or their ego. Why get involved in the muck of trying to fix things when you can keep going and come back to the problem after it’s been fixed by itself? Why not try to fix it or get involved in resolving the situation instead of avoiding it?
When someone avoids dealing with a situaiton, that’s when blame gets dumped on them.4. Life’s ________ so __________. (fill in the blank)
Life’s a song, so sing. Life’s but a dream, so someone’s having a nightmare. Life’s a journey; so don’t treat it like a destination.5. Who’s closer to the truth, the scientist or the religious man?
I think it’s right in the middle between them where the truth lay – both men are close to the truth, but only to a point. There is only so much physical before the spiritual comes into play and only so much spirituality before the physical explanation comes into play. I think God has a helping hand in Science and Science has a helping hand in God.
Melanie Asked:
1. Out of all the Shakespeare plays, what is your favorite tragedy AND your favorite comedy??
I haven’t read that much Shakespeare in order to give you a good answer but I know my favorite tragedy is Hamlet. Comedy? It’s tough to say this because I don’t have much to gauge but 12th Night.2. Who in your opinion was the greatest president of the US? And Why?
I thought you didn’t do politics? :p This is a tough one because I don’t know everything about every president who has been there. There’s Clinton who lead us through prosperity, but he had partisan politics and scandals malign his term in office… We had Abe Lincoln who did his damnedest to preserve the Union and had his life tragically taken from him. We had JFK who taught us to aim high and to try, and also had his life tragically taken from him… But I think the greatest president in US history is one that others might think of as the worst president of US history – Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He presided over the toughest time of the 20th century – the great depression and World War 2. He handed the US a new deal and did what he could to bring the nation back from the depression. It was a long hard road, but it eventually happened. He overcame disability to achieve this, and was elected for more terms than any previous US president, showing the People were behind him.3. Would you rather pop a can of Pringles or pop a cherry?
“Once you pop, you can’t stop.” It just depends on who, and what type of Pringles. To decide between a person and some potato chips, that’s pretty pathetic right? That’s how I work though, I guess.. It’s not the body part but who it’s attached to…4. If you could be any age, what age would you be and why?
18. That or sometime in my teens. Everything was in front of me and I just had so much optimism how it would play out, I was angry and yet I was interested in finding my niche. Being able to look forward more and not look around and feel like a failure, it would mean the world to me.5. If you were a hamburger, what toppings would cover you?
Anohter patty so we can have some meat on meat action, spread some ketchup over both of us for added sensuality, and then onions to further prove that they are the root of all evil – not only do they help spread methane gas, they are a key part of burger-on-burger carnal pleasure. Put a bun on and take a bite and you will taste the pure ecstacy brought on by the hot burger patty action.
Oh Deer
Oh Deer has a couple of meanings to it as the title to this entry…
At first, I’ll give you the literal interpertation – A deer rand through my neighborhood. NOw, for those of you out in the country or who have lived in the country or areas where woods are plentiful – deer sightings are more common. Personally, I haven’t seen a deer since I lived up on Long Island. I see deer signs near Booker Creek preserve here in North Pinellas, but never have I seen anything around Lake St. George that would suggest there would be this kind of wildlife around.
Gopher Tortises, sure… Aligators? Totally — Eric had one in his backyard once, as had many others in the neighborhood. Snakes? Plenty. But deer? Never. I’ve lived here 14 years and never has the possibility of a deer in the area seemed like a possibility.
Too much developement, too many people, not enough space to roam.
But my mom saw one run down our street. How the hell it got to Lake St. George, I don’t know. If it’ll survive until it’s trapped and moved to a safer location – I don’t know at all.
The other part of “Oh Deer” is the “Oh Dear” part. It’s been six weeks since I saw Doc Smith and I was at his office today. We spoke candidly towards each other — I told him I was fading and he told me that i would likely have a long recupperation in front of me after surgery — including a stay at a rehabilitation center.
It’s troubling. Un-nervving – pun not intended but recognized.
So next Wednesday, I am supposed to go under the knife – the day before Thanksgiving. I’m really sorta taken aback but at the same time, I recognize the fact I got to get this shit done — now. While u are eating your turkey or with your family, I’m going to be lying in a hospital bed.
…With no guarantee that I will take to my feet under my own power again.
Words that make you call out Poo
It’s funny how I was believing that writing was a salvation from drowning or being destroyed by reality, and i haven’t had the ability to write anything or want to write anything for a while now.
Check the journal, you can see the rants haven’t been there — they’ve been snippets here and there, not much more. In some cases they’ve been a few paragraphs, but the substance? What has the substance been?
Words, feelings, worries, blah blah blah blah blah.
I’m in a rut, no thanks to life as I know it an my health making life shit for me. I’m in a rut even trying to do what I know I am capable of doing. Self doubt, maybe procrastination… they are both stifling what I used to covet.
And of course the lack of creativity right now… The lack of a market… The lack of some push from something or someone special…
I feel like I am oblivion incarnate, or perhaps the embodiment of what is wrong with this world. I need some time – or a vacation from my life, from myself… from my worries and doubts… Maybe I just nee d a trip to Euphoria again? Happiness seems like such a distant land, even though I can find contentment shooting the shit up with some of my friends.
Maybe that’s all I should be relying on now? The little help from my friends when my Friends need a little help from my humor? There’s got to be more to my life though — I couldn’t stay sane with just that alone…. Though I am edging insanity as is.
Stir Crazy
I’m going insane. Slowly but surely, I am going insane.
You see, I’ve been without the ability to walk safely for several months now and I have been houseridden since September since I had surgery on my upper back. During that time my leg muscles have gotten stronger but alas — the nerves running to my legs have only gotten weaker and my balance has also suffered.
I live on the 2nd floor of a house that is anything but a place for a disabled person to live. I have the damnedest time getting up and down the stairs and it takes an effort. When I am downstairs, I either have to use a walker or I have to roll around in a wheelchair. This is a big departure for me, as I used to walk for miles just for the hell of it. Now I can’t bring myself to walk very well because my legs have given out on me.
So I’m forced to do up-and-down the stairs and around-the-house a few hundred times a day and that is the extent of me getting around, and it is driving me fucking insane. You are probably wondering “Why aren’t you going outside, John?” The answer to that question is because of the “stoop” that I have to get over to get out the door while wheelchair bound. Even WHEN I get out the door, sometimes I have my parents and brother carelessly parked so I can’t exit the walkway because their cars are in the way.
And when I get around the car? If I get around the car? Then it’s a matter of my own strength and my own determination to get down the block – which is a difficult task in a wheelchair when you have a hill that slants the sidewalk. I being a wheelchair novice, have the damnedest time trying to deal with that, and end up annoyed and just plain tired with pushing myself by the time I reach a certain point two or three houses away.
I am going oh so crazy. Six, five, four, three, two, one, switch.
(anyone remember Sharon, Lois and Bram? :tongue)
SO up and down and around and around and around the first floor is my flight plan if anything and even THEN — staying inside — I have too many things in my way or making it tough for me to get around — tables positioned a certain way, chairs in the way, my mothers sandals kicked out in the open, end tables, etc, etc, etc.
This house is no place for a disabled person and this thing that some woudl argue is a life, is not worth living right now. Purpose escapes me, the simple refuge of gettin gaway also escapes me. How I lust for the past… Walking for miles just for the hell of it seems so long ago. The shopping centers where I would go seem so far away now… So far away when you just can’t get out there on your own….
Abilities
Some people in the world will never have to experience the nuisance of a muscle pull or will barely notice it. Others will never have to go through the aches of a broken limb and the difficulties that transpire because of it. Some will never meet someone with Downs Syndrome in person or perchance will never see someone who is wheelchair bound – if you can believe that.
Some people will go through life never having limped around for weeks because of a sprained ankle. Some people will never know how demoralizing it is to go through the world in a wheelchair when certain places in the world do not consider you a person. Some people will never know how it feels to have muscles fail on you not from exertion but because of injury…
Some will go most of there lives without being in the hospital for more than a couple of hours to see a birth. While others won’t even comprehend or try to understand the limitations that people have and the difficulties these people have going through life.
Blind. Deaf. Amputee. Arthritis. Those are just some basic things that can limit someone…
The whole catch to this is trying to understand these people and the problems they face. Most of you — and I am assuming about the reader base — will never have to know some of these problems and I’m glad to know it. Others know it full well. Some can comprehend, some can’t. Some won’t even try and I pity them…. Others think they know it but demoralize in there attempts to help.
Here’s hoping you never have to go through some of the shit I am right now — struggling to do basic things, struggling to make my life feel normal (which it isn’t). Here’s hoping you can comprehend the difficulties that others face… And that you’ll know how to act (and not avoid, or look away) when faced with problems from others or even yourself.
…as a child
There was a lot in this dream and a lot I can’t remember now. Most of the images don’t stand out in my head any more but I know when I dreamed there was a plot and a point to things. Everything made sense at the time, as dreams normally do, and even though random strange events came into being – things turned out OK.
I remember Pepsi. Having a glass while talking with my mom… I remember getting the mail with my mailbox in the back yard, and there being a ton of mail to bring in. I remember the family cars being different and having some strange abilities to them. Well, not strange abilities to them, but the trunks were different. They were funky and 4-doors themselves.
It was my neighbor from across the street who stands out in the dream — who it turned out to be and what was going on. It was a special day for her and for some reason there were two of them in that house: one was a newborn infant that was being tended to by her mother while the other that I dealt with was a kid… a little kid that claimed she was 12 but was obviously a lot younger than that. She talked but barely listened. Preached but couldn’t comprehend when told something.
I can’t remember much more to the dream… what else happened before me waking up…. But it was a very vivid dream at the time. Feelings evoked and images shown and the like….
So anyway, I’ve got therapy in a little while… My left leg has been really weak lately while my right is very strong. Strange It’s a role reversal. It was vice versa in the hospital and in the last few weeks.
One last note — Mike gave me Reloaded last night and i have to agree with Merovingian: The French language is like wiping your ass with silk… it just flows and caresses…
Lack of comprehension
It really bugs me… not just bugs me – hurts me — when I have someone close to me not able to comprehend what I’m going through with my life and doesn’t seem to open up to try to understand it better.
Who am I talking about? My brother.
You see, Mike decided to get on me because he found out a birthday gift I got him cost a bit of cash.. This is the same guy who gave me an LCD monitor as a gift last year… Him bitching about expensive gifts is the last thing he should be doing. At any rate, he also wanted me to watch the first season of Alias and got on me when he found out I hadn’t been wasting my time watching it all day every day.
He then got on me for my time spent online and told me I really needed to just drop online friends period.
Great, Mike, you hit the nail on the head with something I would love to do. Did you forget that I lost my hearing a few years back and it makes physical conversation difficult (so much so that if you won’t make an attempt to talk to me, why do you think others will)? How about the fact that I don’t have a social job right now, compared to yourself, that gets me out in the open every day? Well, before you harp on me about having a job, how about the fact you see I am a gimp right now and walking around with a walker? Struggling up and down the stairs every day and a god-damned shut in up until I get a wheelchair? Does that, possibly, make any more sense to you why I deal with anyone online instead of going out right now…?
It’s not like I gave up on life… Unlike the man who harped on me for not sitting on my ass and just watching movies all day… No… I try to accomplish with the little bit of ability I have to do stuff (writing, web design). Maybe I talk to people online but it’s not like it’s a wide plethora of people. In fact it’s a closing world of people….
Sorry to whine, sorry to rant, sorry to have the bar at the Pity Party open for business… I just had to vent my frustrations.
To your credit….
“I’ve fucked up, John, I’ve fucked up big time” — where have I heard these words before and how chilling was it to hear them again?
It would seem my friend Melinda has indeed fucked up and fucked up big time with her life and I got to hear all about it yesterday. Mel decided to forge credit card information and get a card in order to get a few things for herself – feminine stuff and “pampering” stuff.
And she got caught..
The sick thing was that when that came up – those around her (family, friends) encouraged her to leave and straighten out her life — which would have led to MORE problems because it’s a flight from prosecution (yes, she’s being prosecuted)
At least she’s facing up to it and staying here, but at the same time – getting herself in this mess to begin with… jeez… I’ve got a habit of meeting people like this…
Spanglish
No soy nada.
No tengo nada.
No sé nada.
Sé lo que deseo.
Sé mis necesidades.
Sé lo que deseo.
No sé nada.
Soy cuáles soy.
Soy lo que amo.
Soy lo que necesito.
No soy nada.
Tengo deseo.
Tengo sensaciones.
Tengo necesidades.
No tengo nada.
Soy un perdedor y ésta es mi vida
No tome la culpabilidad de esto
Faith
I don’t know if I should be writing about this topic or not because I am not the best guy to go to when it comes to Faith in things. But at the same time I need to at least express my thought son the subject and my own search for it.
Now, what is faith? Faith is a sort of blind trusting of things, letting the chips fall where they may and trusting that they will fall in a way that is OK by you. At the same time Faith is believing that things are going to work out of the best and everything happens for a reason.
I know I have lived life faithless and in a lot of ways I continue to live life that way — think I am the only one in charge of my own destiny and can influence things that are out of my control. I wanted to do what i could in my power to show how much I cared. At other times, I’ve been left so alone that I felt as though no one in the world would put a heavy amount of trust in me, even though friends were laying emotions and thoughts on me. I was looking for someone — I didn’t know who or where or when — who would put some faith in me over things. Someone specific and yet someone I didn’t know.
Faith — I can thank my parents and then myself for abandoning the divine faith… I got out of the habit of going to church at a young age and that was the first seeds of doubt that were laid. When I went to church, I never understood why I was going… Or how I was supposed to pray (was it just wishing?), and I guess I didn’t have the faith then for God to go ahead and show me the way. Going to a religion class on weeknights was sort of the same thing – I was learning what they wanted me to learn but I wasn’t taking it all in and understanding what it was. Maybe I was too young? I like to think that with a lot of things that I started a year before most kids did. I didn’t skip a grade, it was that I started school a year early (pre school and then regular school) and that effected how I did things.
So where am I now with this Faith? In a lot of ways I am lost and yet I am trying to put my faith in some things again. It’s difficult because I want to be the one in control or do what I can to influence an outcome and yet I should show enough faith in people to realize that it’s their choice and their decision how things go and I know they have made the right decisions more times than not and I should trust their judgment. I don’t, however, want to express that faith in the government, who does things beyond my control and makes decisions that I do not endorse. I have control over my government and yet as a member of the US — I am dependent on others having a like mind on things. Instead of doing that, they show that blind faith more times than not and it’s not good for the world. Faith in religion and faith in government are two separate things.
Faith in people is entirely different and yet so much the same I can’t even comprehend.
Right now I need to show more faith than I ever have in this life and at the same time — my faith is really balancing on the edge of a blade. Part of me wants to believe that things happen for a reason and that they fall where they may because something leads to something else… (see Signs ) And yet at the same time, if things don’t work out a certain way, all faith might be lost. All beliefs that I should put faith in people’s hearts and their decisions will be thrown to the curb. I feel like a dick because of this – who am I to stand up and try to make my own personal wants what come to pass? At the same time, knowing how I would be (and this is a pun it would seem) faithful makes me really want to push because I don’t want anyone to lose out on something.
Faith — the faithless heathen that I am wants it, and the manipulative bastard that I am will only keep it if things work out a certain way. I’m sorry, God, that I’m like this. I’m sorry to the world that someone with a big heart can’t show trust in the way things will work out…
Good day / Bad day
It’s funny how things can go good and go bad at the same time…. It’s funny how you are forced to live life as a groveling idiot in the Fontana household or have others make yourself feel like trash through their actions and they don’t seem to even acknowledge that.
Or your lack of abilities at the time they are most inconvenient are ignored.
I wake up early, after some problems things tart going good — just because of a ray of sunshine that showed up to give me a good morning… Then things get going fine, I get productive and handle some things I needed to… And then they turn to shit when I have to deal with my apathetic/indolent mother.
I don’t want to go into it any more and I’m a little peeved I am reporting it in the first place what has gone on.. I finally think I am having an OK day and those around me do what they can to pull me back down.
T-Minus hours, minutes, seconds
Spent the morning / early afternoon at the hospital with Pre-op stuff. It’s funny how easy it is to choke on something when you don’t chew it — or how painful it can be when you have difficulty continuing to swallow what you are choking on…
I also have something sorta freaking me out that I’ve been thinking about since Bill reminded me of it this weekend — last year, when I had my neck operation, it would seem that everyone downstairs knew just who I was when Bill asked where I happened to be. Am I more famous at the hospital than I know? A celebrity that doesn’t pull in a paparazzi of my own? Mayhap. Then again, it could have just been on steaming pile of coincidence, hold the cream cheese.
Meanwhile, my Spectra 22 is on the fritz. For those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about, it’s the device I use with the ABI in my head to let me hear. It’s been down since this weekend and proving to be a pain in the ass to get it fixed.
Hmmphf, figures.
On a less personal note — the GAO issued a report that Dick Cheney covered up corruption in the Bush administration Energy policy. My only reaction to that is, “Well, Duh!”
And I believe I do have a guest writer for Der Stonegauge while I am away… I’ll touch on that later on, hopefully.
First Name Last, Last Name First
I started realizing a dilemma that I’m going to be facing if I am in the writing realm… It’s actually something I noticed a long long time ago but didn’t think it would have any effect on me because I didn’t know where I was going with things with my life. The fact I am getting into writing and — possibly — going to make a name for myself through fiction and other writings causes one slight, teensie little problem.
My name.
You see, John Fontana is a really popular guy. I mean REALLY popular. Not only was he a bartender in New York (My grandfather — known as Giovanni Petra to his parents, I believe, from what my mom was telling me) and the guy I got my name from… He also is a Senior Editor at Network World Fusion and Linux World, a writer for Infoworld and CRM Daily… Not to mention a baseball coach as well as a thousand other things out there.
John’s a popular guy… Real popular. I mean, he even worked on “Bag of Bones” for Stephen King!
Of course, JP Fontana is a wacky Frenchman writer and that causes me some more grief but not as much as I could be having over it.
I need to make a habit out of calling myself John P. Fontana (or J.P. Fontana — I like that one)… I could see a future where some guy gets a call asking to pen an article for a fiction magazine and they were looking for me the entire time… Or me getting asked “When did you get into writing like that, John? I thought you dealt with only the tech stuff?
Choices
Choices are what defines our life and is an integral part of what drives us. Other’s choices have helped define you as a human being and helped form your habits. Your own choices have defined you up until this point in life – where you are reading this journal entry on a web site you chose to go to and you will choose if you will read beyond the end of this paragraph or if you will switch to a different web site on the World Wide Web (hell, you might have already).
Some choices bring you to joy and other choices bring you regret. Other’s choices can bring you to joy, or might make you regret that you dealt with them… Or perchance they will make you want to encourage them to make a better decision, a more thoughtful choice because the particular choice they are currently using going to end up hurting them.
You could look back at a relationship and say “Hey, it’s his / her loss” over the fact they chose another course over choosing you but at the same time – you’re most likely pinning in one way or another becasue you don’t want them to lose out on you, or in general.
It’s all about choices. Sometimes it’s not your own choice that forces you to live life in solitude but the choices of others — the choices they made to be part of the in crowd and how you wouldn’t be good for their image, or the choice you made to not associate yourself with this-or-that type of person because of some quality they have about them.
You’ll chose what you have to eat tonight, and what time you’ll go to bed — stay up and watch Letterman or maybe go to bed early to get a jump start on the new day? You’ll chose whether to sit back in your chair as you read this or shift side to side, or put your feet up on your desk while you read.
Choices, choices….
Do I take the blue pill or do I swallow the red? Do I make another movie quote here about a famous choice or do I go on with my ramble?
Some choices are made by fate, or by God or by whatever higher power is overseeing our lives. Disease, famine, drought, death, life – so it goes without saying that we have only so much we can control. Sometimes we just don’t want to control, sometimes we think control is an illusion… And then sometimes you realize your choices up until this moment made control look like an illusion, and you can’t get yourself back in control.
We’re all on the edge of sanity and sobriety in our lives and the choices we make put us on either side of that edge. Steven Tyler said it best when he sang, We can tell’em no, or we can let it go… but I’d rather leave it hanging on which is just leaving things flextible and open to decision at another time… It’s a choice I once found comfort in… Yet that was a time in the past, back in the days of high school and now I find myself making decisions because there is no more care free living. Not just that but leaving things wavering — for or against? Yes or no? Do or don’t? — often makes things worse than just getting them out of the way.
I’m surrounded by choices… They chide me, are snide to me, delight me and damn me all in the matter of a moment.
Choices… For you, for me, for society, for the world… Choices.
Equilibrium
As of starting this writing, there are a lot of things that are going through my head right now that I wanted to enter in here, but at the same time I need to give some order to the chaos, right? First things first, second things second and all that… right?
The first thing is the balance of the soul — Equilibrium.
Actually, I’m not writing about balance directly or about Libra or about the soul and all that deep shit that I could get into right now. Instead I’m writing about the movie Equilibrium with Christian Bale. Now I’ve talked about wanting to see The Matrix Re-Woah-ded and seeing I haven’t, this makes one very acceptable substitute in my mind. No bullet time and the action sequences weren’t as sped up as The Matrix, but the idea of Gun Kata (a martial art that makes the gun as lethal as a sword) and this 1984 / Fahrenheit 451 / The Matrix inspired film was excellent in it’s own right.
The premise of this film that got my attention the most, however, was the emotion=crime / war / man’s destruction premise. I couldn’t feel Sunday morning besides sorrow or numbness. I started watching the movie and I could identify with Bale encountering emotion for what was probably the first (or a fresh) time. It was like me receiving sound again by way of the ABI in
2001… He is overcome by trivial things such as a sunrise and other emotions and it’ s… just powerful. Of course they could have overkilled that (or maybe it would have been proper?) by showing more imagery like that — having the character just staring at something we take for granted every day and finding emotion (pleasure) in it? That would have been strong too.
As things go, I’ve got 2 papers I may very well use for my 2nd Assignment with der Long Ridge. I’m waiting to hear from my instructor, Lou Fisher, about a question that I had concerning the paper and hopefully that will be soon. I’m also waiting for Sarah Evanchalk to get back to me with regards to the stories — I sent them both to her for her to critique.
Speaking of stories, I’m also waiting for someone to get back to me on a story I touched on a few days ago on here. I think it’s a good story but it could be cleaned up a bit.. And I long to be able to piece together some of the things I touched on with this story by starting another portion of the thing.. I know, I know – vague, but it’ll become apparent soon enough I hope.
I’m also thinking things I shouldn’t be – or I had been thinking things I shouldn’t be. Now I have regrets and I started believing things that aren’t true any more. Talk about a fucking roller coaster with emotions.. And also another vagueness that I apologize to the masses for reading. The person who that would mean something won’t even see this, so it’s not like I’m doing anything by publishing it.
Oh well, more ttomorrow – got stuff on my mind and got time to write.
Renovations and Vowel Movement
Sometimes it gets to the point where you break over the slightest things. The sameness flowing around you, the lack of variation from the norm… Or maybe even the norm makes you ill to your stomach and makes you want to toss your cookies.
I’m at that point right now.
I’ve been sick of my father the last few weeks but then again, my mom isn’t that much better than dear-old-dad. I’m tired of her habits. I’m tired of his habits. I’m tired of this house and of this room… I’m tired of this neighborhood and the suburbs in general.
I’m tired of the word “Liberal” being used like a 4 letter word in society. I’m tired of tattoos and body piercings being stuck on everything and everyone (can someone please tell the cute girls that natural skin is sexy? Please?). I’m tired of Florida, where education and infrastructure mean next to nil to the government and somehow it gets elected again and again. I’m tired of the fact I have to have social hour on the computer because my social skills are lacking with my poor-ass hearing situation offline.
I’m tired of feeling so boxed in.
Yet the answers aren’t aparent or aren’t coming into view very easily on how to deal with this mess and where to go to solve these quesitons. I don’t have the money to move, I don’t have a job. I don’t know where to look for a job that doesn’t necessitate phone skills or driving.. You can pray only so much until it gets to the point it feels like God is laughing at you and snickering while you are pleading to him.
Things were a lot better when there was someone else that I felt I shared things with. Now there’s no one to share things — emotions, thoughts, frustrations, dreams, etc — with.
I need help.
The Postal "Code"
My first day off in what feels like weeks is today. I was up at the crack of dawn out of habit and I’m still going. On any other day (without work) I’d still be in bed, sleeping like a baby right now. How things change.
I’ve also got a cold in my eye, or so my optometrist says. I’m doing better than I was yesterday when it came to how my eye was (it was blood shot — it’s been like that for days), but I have to stick with medication for a time…
I had a thought that I have had with US Mail for a while. I don’t know if I ever talked about it (ranted, excuse me) in my journal before but I thought this was actually a good idea…. It’d help out Big Brother, unfortunately, as well as help out the US Postal service.
First thing you do is get rid of stamps as they are right now. Each household is given an account with the US mail and charged for mail they send and mail they receive. Lets say you only receive junk mail (not even bills) and never send anything — your bill would be basically a few cents on the dollar. If you do heavy sending and receiving, of course your bill will be higher.
Each message that you need to send isn’t given a regular postage stamp, it’s given a barcode so that the item can be tracked, charged to yur account, etc. The Postal Service sends you new barcodes with each billing statement….
Some would complain that some people use the US Mail and don’t live in a home or an apartment or a fixed place. This is very true. If you DO need to buy individual stamps, they would be able to be purchased at a much higher cost than what you have right now….
Then there are those who would complain about this – how much tracking ability should the Government have over mail? I don’t think much is necessary but I also believe that it’s important to be able to track malicious mail – Anthrax, mail bombs, etc…. One barcode can tell you where a stamp was purchased (if not charged to an account), when (time, date)… You can piece together much more evidence from that….
It’s an ambitious idea but I do believe it’s a worthy idea too. The US Postal Service is suffering in it’s current design and it’s time for an overhaul of equipment used and methods used of dealing with the Mail.
The Knife
This is probably my last entry for the time being. I’ve got to get some sleep tonight and I need to / want to talk to some people before I leave tomorrow and I would be more likely to stick around talking to them than tap-tappity-tap-tap the keyboard and write out a journal entry on this web site.
I published contact/feedback information for Sony Music on the Fab 4 Lyrics section of the site. If you’re pissed that they are pulling this shit (threatening over lyrics being published on the web) — TELL THEM. Make sure you tell them it’s in regards to Beatlelyrics.com
I got a haircut today and lets just say the guy who appears in the Stonegauge logo above does not look much like me right now. For those of you who saw my picture in the St. Pete Times from the 1st article about the situation that arose with Beatlelyrics.com – I can say that my long locks in that photo are gone as well.
I spent most of the morning pinning about politics…. I really continue to despise George W. Bush and feel half of what I’ve gone through is helped along because of his administration is so pro-corporate… I also feel the US is guilty of Terrorism with their threat on Iraq… Sure Iraq poses a threat with biological weapons or other stuff — but SO DO WE! So does GREAT BRITAIN, so do other countries that are our allies but we aren’t going to bomb them and invade. We aren’t about to oust the government in Saudi Arabia even though they support terrorism. Hell, we sponsor terror by allowing Saudi Arabia to remain our ally and continue to have unrestricted access to the US. How many of September 11th’s hijackers were from SA? Where is Osama Bin Laden from? It’s bullshit.
I want Bush out of office so bad…. I look and ask are we better off than we were 2 years ago and I gag at the thought… Economics are skewerd, corporations rule, the environment means little to Dubya and some of our freedoms are being taken away by the Attorney General who is a far-right-wing thinker. Why don’t they just burn the Bill of Rights, declare the Bush family the first monarchy of dictatorship and throw all liberals (like myself) in jail who might question the President. How many times have I heard that I am in the wrong for questioning the president because we are at war? Should I be intimidated like that? No sir…. ESPECIALLY seeing the president’s Administration is doing objectionable stuff.
Oh well, just about 13 hours before I need to be up and ready to go… 🙁 I’ll hopefully get to leave you another comment in this journal soon….
'Blog'gered
OK, so I did it. I think I did it anyway. I had been screwing around with a design that incorporated Moveable Type on the site like what Kill the Web has, or much like what Howard Dean is using on Blog for America.
What’s the benefits of this anyway?
Well, you can just clicky on the comment link and have your comments for each individual journal entry logged instead of through a guestbook as i have been doing (the guestbook shall survive the transition). You can also click on TRACKBACK (which contains some stuff you may or may not understand) and find a link directly to one of my journal entries for personal reference… You COULD bookmark old entries but then again – their location and URL kept changing and it wasn’t a very effecient design at all. Poo on that!
SO will this catch on? I know not. I may be right back to the HTML version of entries soon enough so don’t fret if you don’t like the layout of this. AND there is this little thing where I may have the last 5 entries displayed at one time or another. You guys can comment and let me know if I should continue that habit or not.