Category: Personal
The life and times of John Fontana — personal blog posts about things John is dealing with / going through / thinking of / experiencing.
Banking on a new bank
It took me less than 28 days – less than the month of February – to learn that my financial institution being bought out by a Ohio-based banking company is a bad deal for me.
It took me less than a month to learn that 5/3rd National Bank sucks… Instead of dipping into my savings account on an overdraw from checking, it fines me 30 bucks and 6 dollars a day after. While ATM’s tend to already ream you every time you withdraw from an ATM not associated with yoru bank, 5/3rd charges you $1.50 per use of an ATM outside their network.
Suffice it to say they are NOT the type of bank someone like me – without money to burn – shoudl be using and I am getting my ass out of Dodge, so to speak. The question is where to go from here?
Bank of America? Wachovia? I have to go to one of the big banks because they have the most branches, I think. I don’t want ot get screwed with fees from a place like 5/3rd but I don’t know where to go – closeby – for my new bank account?
Southtrust? Suntrust? The search goes on but I am not sure at all….
When I open it, I close it
SO me and m’lady are in Ybor last night… First time (if you can believe it) I have ever been to Ybor City. No I didn’t get drunk into a stupor and I didn’t go clubbing either. I was walkign around and exploring with m’lady and….
Well, we needed cash so I went to an ATM and withdrew a few bucks… WIth a 3.75 service charge?! Suntrust ATM’s weren’t working for me and I was already upset I woudl get screwed with a service charge. When I take otu money from a bank besides my own, my bank chargees me 1.50 as was.
So I paid five bucks to take out money. Motherfuckers….
So I am determined to get work now… Just because I can’t survive financially this month and I have to pay back cash anyway to my credit card company (I hate debt), and this is the basis for the title fo this thread. I found a position I could do in an instant today and I applied for it, which was the case with Nielsen Media Research as was. Lo and behold, before they even review my resume – I am basically rejected:
Dear Web Designer Applicant,
We are extremely thankful for your inquiry about our web designer position.
Our ad in the St. Petersburg Times/CareerBuilders has produced over 70
applicants via email (with more coming in daily). Due to this continued
great response, we want to wait until the week of March 7th before we
contact applicants to set up interviews. We are also exhibiting in a
tradeshow in Vegas next week that consequently limits the time needed to
work on these matters. Rest assured, all applications will be viewed and
considered. I will reply again soon. I appreciate your patience with this
process and look forward to communicating with you further.
Best Regards,
Mark Hastings
In the land of opportunity, it hurts to look into an opportunity and then see the door shut on your face before you even peek into that opportunity.
Wal Mart too cheap to handle it's own PR
Blogwood and the blogsphere is how I found out Wal-Mart is buying naming right sto a local ER that will be built….
ANother one
Damnit, it just won’t fucking end, will it?
Another student was hit by a car while trying to get to the bus stop… Another person hit by a car for god sake! This happened at a location I have been at a lot lately – Curlew Road and County Road 1 where there has been a plethora of construction going on. Yet this is another example of all that’s going wrong in the area. Not just bad bus stop designation but also the chief underlying issue — we’re too indebted to the car and too thoughtless about the pedestrian.
When will it end? I mean, they are goign to have a field day with regards to bus stop location again and bus stop designation but the bigger issue is pedestrian saftey in my mind.
Relook
Nice to have an old friend drop me a line — Robert, thanks for showing up man….
It was not so nice, however, to discover that my former love and my bane at the same time has gone the way to digital tumbleweeds, so to speak. Beatlelyrics.com is now a spammer site… Apple Corp LTD couldn’t be bothered to renew a domain name and now a spammer owns it. Nice, fellas. You guys suck so much when it comes to business, it’s not even funny.
Man on the Run
Johnny’s been on the go a ton lately.
Yes, I haven’t updated Stoengauge very muchand with good reason as some can see through the last few posts on the blog… I’ll try to fill you all in more about things but then again I’d bore the shit out of most because they are looking for soft porn or kinky shit or something else.
Not John Fontana from Palm Harbor, Florida… :p
Enter the poet; “Socially Inept”
Barrier
In an Information Age
Where knowledge roams free
And technowledgy rules
Wall
Srutting and fretting
An hour on stage
The flock of seagulls committee
Is cammanded by the ignoramous
Made to feel worse by those who care the most
Third verse
Third wheel
Cursed in a rambling ode of
Outsider Syndrom —
And unrequested serving
At a humble establishment
© 2005 John P. Fontana
For postierity
I wrote this poem with one person in mind and it’s odd that it has come true in every faccet.
….well, almost everything… until now.
Things might just be a scare but if not, it’s a serious issue has come up that coudl force a loss…. And no offense, but you were bound for it… Just because you reap what you sow.
(Untitled)
You know, last year I played the scorned and jaded lover… Last year I wrote about how I hurt and how I felt used and blah blah blah. I was worshipping Bitter Singles Day and writing a tome to them (which I will not link to tonight becuase I feel sick :p ).
It’s funny the difference a year can make….
This year I am kissing strangers and joking around, in good spirits. This year I am waiting eagerly for that special someone who is my left hand. This year I feel complete. This year I’m in love once again.
This year is a different world and I am glad I returned to it.
That being said, I still must send out regards to the lonely out there — there is hope and it will hit… Just make sure you keep your morals high and don’t bend for a moment. Don’t fool yourself iwth false emotion. It’ll be surprising when you find them… It is for me.
Beach Bathroom
You and me…. in the bathroom on the beach….
Emerging one after another with a woman staring at us and waiting to enter….
And She’ll never quite know, nor will anyone else, what went on in there….
Wedding Gift
So Josh and Michelle are getting hitched Sunday and now that I have some time to cram on the gift — I’m hitting a wall creatively. Not hitting a wall but my first intuition is that the poem I was going to give them, framed and with art, isn’t going to cut it.
I originally wrote this thing with a girl named Jamie Rose and her boyfriend from High School in mind. I wrote it because I felt guilty for having a crush on the chick when she was so in love with her boyfriend.
So now I am wondering what I should do — edit it where need be? Keep it as is? Bah! Choices, choices!
And let no one put assunder, for together they are a whole….
The 24 Hours of Saluki
A Hard Days Night of the last 24 hours, that’s a way to describe things that have gone on.
I like to stay obtuse in here at times and in this case it’s especially hard to do so because my partner-in-crime reads the blog on a regular basis. That beign said I’ll cut with the detials and get to the point….
Giving a dog to a good home is something special but knowing the dog is terrified — that’s bad. Knowing that she’s going to a loving, patient pair of owners — that’s good. Spending a day with someone you care for is fantastic. Then having to break the news to that person that the dog she saved, healed and had given a life to, had run away — that’s bad.
Wandering around downtown Clearwater chasing after a shy dog at 1 AM – that’s just strange. Albeit it ‘s also dangerous with the quality characters in the neighborhood. Knowing the animal is playing traffic (not literally, but had been close to traffic and almost hit) — that’s terrible.
Going on minimum sleep and returning to the scene of the crime at daybreak to try, try again — that’s devotion.
And to see this animal re-united with her family after being rescued / captured by a good samaritian — That’s heartwarming. Left wanting more, — that’s life.
Never Been Here Before
Rock Me Gently
Andy KimAin’t it good
Ain’t it right
That you are with me
Here tonight
The music playin’
Our bodies swayin’ in time
(In time, in time, in time)Touching you
So warm and tender
Lord, I feel such a sweet surrender
Beautiful is the dream that makes you mineMmm
Rock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this beforeBaby baby
Rock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this beforeOh my darlin’
Oh my baby
You got the moves that drive me crazy
And on your face I see a trace of love
(Of love, of love, of love)Come hold me close
Don’t let me go
I need you, honey
I love you so
You were made for me by the stars aboveOooh
Rock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this beforeAnd baby baby!
Rock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this beforeRock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this beforeAin’t it good
Ain’t it right
That you are with me
Here tonightRock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this beforeBaby baby!
Rock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this before
Thank you, Jenna…
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Strength in Ignorance
Well, I’m reading 1984 and evidence of that can be found on Boltsmag….
The Ministry of Truth now reigns supreme – I wish the site was still up and running. Alas, it’s just a cafe press store now.
It's that time of Year again!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
GROUNDHOG DAY! Just make sure you get it RIGHT this time!
😉
God Bless You
Despite the fact they are factually wrong with why we mutter blessings to people who sneeze (it was a habit started during the great plagues in Europe), Penny Arcade happens to get me in stiches once again (boy, you can see that in text, can’t you?) with one of their recent comics.
Bye Bye T900, hello Ogo
Well, after sending the T900 TalkAbout back to who it belonged to, I was hit pretty hard with wondering “What now”with regards to my wireless future. Should I go out and just get another T900? Should I look into something else like the Danger Sidekick II from T-Mobile? Or was there a cheeper and simpleer solution out htere that was an upgrade of the T900 and yet wasn’t filled with too many add ons, mediocre service and foreign support.
That’s about when I went into 7-11 and was introduced to AT&T Wireless (now Cingular) and their Ogo messenger.
It’s not the neat little small device that I am used to with the T900… but then again it isn’t limited to just sending emails / text messages at 1 message per 500 Characters. It does Pop3 email, it also can be configured to get both AOL IM messages and Yahoo messages so you can chat realtime depending on how your strong your signal is.
While it’s not a cell phone and certainly isn’t for those who rely on the phone – it fills a niche with me.
Maybe it's the full moon
Nothing went right yesterday… I don’t want to get into it but nothing went right…. If I had found a gun and put it to my head, it would have been empty…. If I tossed that gun away, it would have gone off (see also Akroyd, Dan in Trading Places)….
Maybe it’s the full moon or maybe it’s just the fact that any positive things in my life are non existent?
One of THOSE days
It’s one of those days….
A day where I feel trapped and like everything in the world is wrong. A day where I try to rock the boat and I have people complaining that I need to change myself and it’s not their problem if they treat me like I am 8 inches tall.
It’s one of those days where it feels no one wants anything to do with me… One of those days where I can’t get out because of injury and not because of conditions (I love the cold).
It’s one of those days….
…and I’m tired of it.
In Search of
I need a date for a wedding.
Michelle and Josh are tying the knot on the day b efore Valentines (Bill’s birthday in fact) and of corus ei am invited which is great but at the same time — going alone is not something I want to do.
And yet candidates to go to the wedding with me – friends or more – are few and far between. Some people have tread on that friendship with me and I’d be reaching down to ask her to go. Others are either too far or just might feel too awkward to go. Of coruse, me not even asking and jumping to conclusions makes things worse than they are.
But then again, it’d be easier if I knew exactly who to ask and wasn’t just takign them as a friend…. But seeing I’m not in arelationship and not nearly in one… it’ll be just friends for this thing.
Just another reason to be Cynical
Tarpon Springs — at 6:55 this morning, about 12 hours after proceedings started — approved Wal-Mart along the Anclote River.
8 people lobbied for Wal Mart at this meeting. 400+ were in attendance to voice displeasure about Wal Mart. Wal-Mart had paid employees — being paid for there time at the meeting — in attendance as well.
Fine day for Democracy and Capitalism, don’t you think? A day where the majority is ignored for the almighty dollar and sound logic is ignored for the sake of the city tax base.
A pox on you, Tarpon Springs City Counsel.
Go ahead and Email the city and give them a warm, gracious congratulations — or spout off at them as I did.
And a Time to every Purpose
A Time to Every Purpose….
A time to every purpose
Except this ongoing circus
Of fear and fate, malignant deeds,
Sore for sight eyes and tumbleweeds
Been mislead in all directions
Vote’s been voided in all elections
Lacking course
Searching for a sign
Or a loving hand to help me by
And suppose my purpose never comes?
Or even worse — it never was?
Falling down a flight of stairs
Life’s reasons are never what they seem
Lonliness is what I fear
Reasonless is what draws near
…And a time to every purpose
Except my own
© 2005 John Fontana
Your own personal Yoda
She says I do it willingly and to an extent, I do.
Not being in a relationship, still trying to find someone who appeals to me and attracts me (futile, I know) , I’m putting myself through the wringer listening to other girls I am friends with talking about their boyfriends or talking to me about their girlfriends or talking to me about some other type of personal problem… And I give advice and what not.
Trying to make someone else happy while I’m not. Oh well.
But the thing is, in some instances, I feel so good at what I’m doing. Telling a friend not to hurt herself because she’s hurting her at-a-distance boyfriend by doing so. Telling another girl not to dwell on a jerk from Match.com who kissed her and then put her on ignore on AOL IM. Then there’s Melanie talking about things with hubby and Terra talking about things with Matt and with baby and….
And John puts himself into it all because John doesn’t have someone to put himself into emotionally.
Does it fill a void? No, not really… I can’t say it’s good or bad for me either… Time will tell, I’m thinking this is just a phase so I’ll be back to goofy-John instead of wanna-be-Yoda John who tries to come off all knowing and wise.
“Do or do not, there is no try….”
The sad thing was….
Terra found out she’s having a boy, as you know, and I gave her congrats on here. We haven’t talked much since but she also ran past me how she wants to name him:
terracassiday: so do u like Aidan Reese Linder?
terracassiday: or Aiden whichever
Stonegauge: Did you get Aiden from Sex and the City?
terracassiday: nope
terracassiday: just a really irish name
Stonegauge: I like the name BUT it seems TV inspired when I look at it. Reese is a main character from “Malcom in the Middle” and Aiden was a character on Sex and the City
terracassiday: haha definately not either since i have never seen malcom in the middle
terracassiday: and who is aiden in sex in the city?
terracassiday: and if thats ur only complaint i’ll take it as i’m gunna keep it
Stonegauge: He was Carrie’s BF before she met the Russian… The guy she had lived with at one point. The guy who played Aiden (or was it Aidan ) also played the love interest in My Big Fat Greek Wedding
terracassiday: haha thats sad that u remember that but i dont
Stonegauge: I barely watched the show too! It’s sad I remember PERIOD! 😆
Honestly, that name is great and I like it… and Sex in The City can be great too.. but as Aiden once told Big while Big rambled in sorrow about a girl not being availible for him on the phone…. “That’s Fucked up!”
Awake!
It’s getting near 2 AM when I write this and it’ll be 2 by the time I publish this and there are a lto of things that are sorta swimming through my head and at the same tiem there aren’t many at all.
I had a good night. I decided to go out for dinner and had some drinks and made the mistake of walking almost 2 miles home — drunk. That’s ok though. I was observant enough not to get hit by a car here in the worst place in the United States to be a pedestrian.
Something else is fudging with me and it’s not something that makes sense to me because it’s a contradiction of sorts…. Having a friend who has been someone you rely on and finding they haven’t been making you better as much as you thought. About how I changed for someone and how it was detrimental to me in general.
And I’d get into that but I like being obtuse about it. Better for all parties involved because you all have to figure out WTF I am talking about 😛
At the same time I have been focusing on myself a lot more — on things with my life and trying to improve them or figure out how the hell to do that. Someone else — well, a couple of people — have been pushing me forward with that and it’s all good… (this should clear up some of the obtuseness) Hopefully something comes from it before my body decides to mess with me again.
2:05 AM EST on Sunday as I finish this post up… And I’m wondering when I’ll go to sleep….
Spec-ifications
New glasses arrived — woot.
I have two lenses again in a pair of glases. w00t!
I have perscription sunglasses! w00t! w00t!
Now if I had somewhere to go show them off at, things would be poifect 🙁
Nix that. Problem with the new glasses — they gave me the wrong f’n perscription in one eye! grrrrrrrrrr!
The Stork shall deliever…
Terra is going to have a little boy!
I just can’t even fathom that… Oh my, what anarchy will ensue in her house in the coming years….
Congratulations Terra!
Rest in peace, Honey
🙁
Honey, my shitzu Yorkie terrier mix, had been on her last legs for a while now. Her teeth had basically rotted out and she was having problems eating, she weakened and she was having problems getitng up and down the stairs among other things.
She’d been deaf for a while…. But this afternoon (unbknownst to me) my father took her to the vet to be put down.
Her suffering has ended though… I hope she is at peace wherever she is….
This sucks
This day gets worse and worse by the instant. Not only have I had shit today but now I have to deal with Dave “Falling Down” FromCali. 🙄
Beautiful day outside today and basically shit to do for me. I went for a walk and saw the depressing site of a teenage mother handing over her daughter to the kids father so she and a friend can go out and do something. It was rather pathetic and heartbreaking to see. Depressing to look at society like that.
And then I dwelt on my own situation most of the day – nto fun. *sigh*
From high to low, the roller coaster of emotions that is John rolls on this weekend.
The stuff Ego Fluffs are made of
taken from a conversation with a female friend…
friend: wanna hear something funny? Rob is more insecure about me talking to you than he is about me talking to Eric
friend: how do you like that? YOU are threatening
me: 🙄 😆
me: It took me a minute to really fathom this…
friend: yeah, Eric called me last night, and I had Rob answer my phone (because i didn’t reconize the number and I’m hiding from bill collectors) and he wasn’t too upset about it
me: If he only knew….
me: what did Eric have to say last night? Just checking up on you?
friend: yeah just calling to say hi, we haven’t talked since before the holidays and I don’t know what made him think to call me, but we just talked about the site and his health and all that jazz
friend: mind you, Rob did get jealous, but not as jealous as he gets of you
….
me: You should have him talk to me if you think that would difuse things.but then again I’m getting a kick out of this so iets put that off as long as possible 😛 🙂
It’s hilarious to think that I get someone jealous. It makes me feel good that I can actually make someoen who is physically superior to me jealous for that matter. As someone with his own insecurities, this is a bit of an ego boost. Of course having a friend who cares about me enough to talk about that friendship with her significant other is also pretty heartwarming…. But knowing that me and this friend could never really be more, and for Rob to be jealous of me is like a cat being jealous of a dog panting. It makes no sense.
But it’s sure fun to think about 😀
How bad a title is this…?
I know it’s really important what the content of a story and not the title but would you be interested in reading something that was titled….
Amiable Neurotica
Just curious.
GO ahead, make my day…
No matter what goes on or how mundane things are, I’ve found i have a knack for raising the bar for friends just a little bit here adn there… Just by being myself. Making someone’s day is not something new to me but it’s something that I hadn’t done in a while – well, not conciously.
I could bring up Christmas and gift selections on my part — I got everyone something they loved with exception given to my older brother (who hates everything people get him) and my father (who doesn’t give a care anyway). It was nice to see everyone a bit excited or happy with gifts.
But that was Christmas. What about now?
Well, yesterday I find out Danielle’s birthday is today… And I decide to go benevolent and send her flowers. Just a friendly gift as she is engaged and we’ve demonstrated that we’re not the best for each other. I start talkign to her today and she’s miserable because she’s had her birthday overlooked by her fiancé…. She’s had it ill planned by her future mother in law… She was brroding. She had Rob (her significant other) call and she brougth him down by being down herself. Bummer.
Then the flowers arrive… Just some daisey’s… And you know how big something like that is and how little it is in the grand scheme…? How much of a mood changer it was?
I’m good with shit like that… In all the mundane bullshit that I can whine about, lack of romance and lack of social circle, I can know that I am able to do things that can change someone’s day around or show I care. Maybe this is why I get hurt? Maybe this is why I’m vulnerable?
Maybe this is why I’m one of a kind?
Oh well….
Near Campus house in Tallahassee, Florida availible
You looking for a house or an apartment near campus at FSU?
Or maybe you are just looking for your own room without having to pay a bundle?
Check out the specs on this and contact Terra if you are interested.
In the life of bard: Good News, bad news
My, what a pleasurable sensation….
It’s been over a year – close to a year and a half – since I wrote a short story or actually completed a short story. The good news is that I’ve got a draft of a 3600 word short story done. I’ll edit it a few times before I give it a final approval. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that I think it might be too perdictable. I mean, it pulls at heart strings and the target audience has liked it sus far (the two people I have had read it) but…
Eh…. The art of editing is to improve your story as much as possible. We’ll see if that does it.
Another Year gone…
I’m ending this year on Der Stonegauge with a post with lyrics from not the most happiest of songs… In fact I used to get down watching this video and listening to this song…
But reading the lyrics over again, Michael Stipe wasn’t out to down people with this thing. He was out to keep them around a little longer.
In the face of things in this world that are not good – from politics to disasters, unjustified wars, self absorbed people and the heartbreak they cause – just seem to justify the song… Don’t throw your hand, cuz everybody hurts sometimes. When the night is long and yours alone – remember you’re not alone because everybody hurts sometimes….
Everybody Hurts
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
when you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it’s time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
if you feel like letting go, (hold on)
when you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on.Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don’t throw your hand. Oh, no. Don’t throw your hand.
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not aloneIf you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
when you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on.Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade)
(Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)(Copyright © R.E.M./Athens Ltd. for all R.E.M. originals).
Happy New Year, ladies and gentlemen. Let us have hope for 2005 – a sight more than what has been provided for us as a race in 2004.
Pen to pad, long time gone
I’ve been trying to re-arrange my poetry page instead of ammassing everything I have by 10 poems-per-page. I don’t know why I am doing it exactly but I am doing it…. (all of this while I shoudl be working on Chantilly Lace gifts).
The thing is, I read over certain poems and I can remember exactly where and when I was when I wrote that poem… Some of them I rememeber exactly what I was feeling. I’ve lst at least one entire book of poetry because I lent it out to someone who would later betray me… And at the same time I still have 7 volumes sitting on a bookshelf that are just one big reminder of things in the past.
Some people had journals, some people just kept notes of there lives, some people blog… I wrote poetry. It was release and yet it chronicled things.
Anyway, the poem that gets me – and get sme every time – is Lost Inside… Just because of how I ende dup playing the words. I can remember writing this at my local library … There are a lot of poems with certain strengths to them that I persoanlly enjoy but this is the one that I like the most:
Lost Inside
Seen my feelings lost inside forever
Couldn’t we be good together?
Girl, you are my everything,
You’re all my wants and cravesLost inside the secret you
What am I supposed to do
Girl, you are my majesty
I’ll worship you foreverOnly known I’ve lost my mind
Oh, why worry? Never mind
Everything that I do crave
Is lost inside your beingNow to find you,
Majesty,
I need to be your everything,
Fit the bill and fly the path,
Our equation, do the math,
Add us two and then subtract –
The worries and the hardshipsSeen my feelings inside you, girl
Oh my, honey, what a world
What am I supposed to do?
I’ve stayed lost inside the secret youAnd inside, I’ve lost my mind
Oh, why worry? Never mind
Everything I’ll always crave
Is lost inside the secret you©1998 John P. Fontana
Take a little chance
Neilsen Media Research and me… Could it happen?
I applied for a position there. Lets see what happens.
Merry Christmas
Please Come Home for Christmas
Bells will be ringing the sad, sad news
Oh what a Christmas to have the blues
My baby’s gone I have no friends
To wish me greetings once againChoirs will be singing “Silent Night”
Christmas carols by candlelight
Please come home for Christmas,
Please come home for Christmas
If not for Christmas, by New Year’s nightFriends and relations send salutations
Sure as the stars shine above
For this is Christmas, yes, Christmas my dear
It’s the time of year to be with the one you loveSo won’t you tell me you’ll never more roam
Christmas and New Year’s will find you home
There’ll be no more sorrow, no grief and pain
And I’ll be happy, I’ll be happy, once againThere’ll be no more sorrow, no grief and pain
And I’ll be happy, happy Christmas, once again
Wishing all the best to everyone… Wishing peace and harmony to the world…. Hoping for better days… Praying for more understanding…. Sending out love to all.
Merry Christmas
A Cold December — random venting.
Random Christmas Eve rants —
I hate having to play the dick but that is what happened a littler earlier today – maybe I didn’t exactly play it but listening to someone start falling all over themselves for the umpteenth time and putting themselves into a shit situation — a dick is all I could be.
This very person had remarked about going with your head and not with yoru heart and how things will be nifty right at the start… This person also happened to tell me, a few minutes later, that she was “in love” with an abusive, controlling, insecure prick who wanted to keep her as a possesion and not as a person.
Over a couple of weeks chatting with this girl, I’d feed her logic and a few days later she comes back with “You were right.” And yet her own self-hate, self-loathing and low self-esteem leads her to punish herself… “This is the best I can do.” “I don’t deserve better”, “I’m not good for anythign more.”
🙄
I was also told by this same little girl that I shouldn’t settle for anyone or anything, that I seem like the person who would strive for just what they want… That’s true in a lot of ways but if there is anyone in life that has been resigned to the fact he’s got to settle in the end – its me. You can have personality up the waazoo, you can be sweet and romantic and a really funny guy… You can be selfless or benevolent but it really amounts to shit with people if you got a few things wrong with your person, or don’t meet the market ideal of what a lover should be.
…
And for the record, you don’t write off people and leave them in the cold (or — even worse — confess to avoiding them) at times when they need your friendship… Or to pull that act 3 or 4 tiems and expect continued benevolence. You can’t expect a friend if you can’t be one… but that’s a cold November story so we’ll just leave it be.
…
Maybe someone needs to get typing lessons for Christmas. I type fast and don’t copy edit and what happens? I look like I don’t know how to spell anything (typo after typo).
….
Anyone who tells me they don’t deserve, is full of shit. Anyone who puts up with someone’s abuse is either too in-love or just too insecure to go back to what they had with nothing. Anyone who falls in love with someone else but gets engaged to the guy they are dating just becasue she wasn’t ready to break up yet… Well, that’s just fooling everyone and setting up for problems. You can want to share a bed with someoen but, dear God, you’re REALLY setting up to get screwed by drawing it out like that!
…
And by the way… Bryan? Not that you read my blog but you really shouldn’t get so upset over Liz. Yes there were a few misteps there but give it time, buddy. Just be a friend or try to be and be content with that. Keep your eyes open as well, you never know what else is goign to come along (and actually be clear about their intentions instead of wishy-washy like a middle-school girl.
Laurel Oak germination
It finally happened a few days ago…
One thing I love to try to do is get a tree seed to germinate. I tried and failed with Slash Pine seeds. It’s tough enough to GET them and even tougher to get them while they are mature.
I tried and failed with Laurel Oak acorns for two years as well. I was getting them when they were dried out — had fallen tot he ground. Some of them were still good but most had lost their moisture and were basically dead.
So, during October after I came back from Los Angeles, I happened upon this little guide to colleciton and storage of Acorns. I had no clue that I needed to keep acorns I collected cool and moist. I also had no clue that I could indeed take them off trees while they were still there (which I had, orignally, but then allowed Acorns to dry out and blah).
So I planted an Acorn for shits and giggles in a pot a couple of weeks ago – oen that I had been storing — and lo and behold there was a little bundle of joy that had come into being just last week… Well, that is… Until the cats found it sitting in the sun… 🙁
The fact is I got something big to grow — big for me that is — that I usually can only find out in the wild. Now if only I knew someplace to PLANT these things where they won’t be mowed down while young…. :p
OK, I'll bite… Which Beatles are YOU?
Bah these online quizes….
humbug — you just got to take cartain ones:
What Beatle are you? John Lennon
You enjoy poetry, painting & a fine wine. A lover not a fighter.
ter>Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.
I just wasn't made for these climes…
Why is it that I am the only on in my family — hell, my region — that enjoys the colder weather while shunning the heat and humidity of the long Florida summer?
I was content sitting out on the lawn late last night while my house roasted at 75 degrees…
I went for a walk days earlier in 50-degree weather and came home flushed and hot, I threw a fit when I found the house thermostat set to 80 degrees… It’s not just a matter of being too hot, it’s also a matter of lack of conservation by my family — we’ve got heat, why not use it? 🙄
I would be better off up north… I just wasn’t made for this southern climate.
Where's John?
What is this? A yearly rite?
Last year I had an excuse for being AFB (Away From Blog) as I was feeling like shit and recovering from surgery. This year? Computer hardware problems and a slow delievery of replacement parts.
So, not only do I lack updates at Der Stonegauge but also on der Boltsmag, der Baseball Boards, Chantilly Lace Gifts and the like. It’s a real pain in the ass because I need to do work and I can’t ACCESS my work. All of that information is locked away quaintly on my hard drive while other hardware makes my computer un-usable.
Damn you, IBM-Compatible PC’s!!!
Happy Holidays, anyway. I have been keeping busy by walking here and there, doing housework, and more which I can talk about later in entries on the blog.
A Day In The Life — 24 Years to the Grave…
Sorry for the lack of updates — besides being tied down with Chantilly Lace work I have been hit hard with computer hardware problems which have basically rendered my computer trash.
I was focusing on this today – the computer problems… And focusing on things going on around me here at home… When it really hit me what today was… I happened to be channel surfing at the time and Imagine: John Lennon showed up on the screen and I felt like I was committing blesphamy….
I hadn’t forgotten. I had just dismissed things… And the documentary really threw me back into realizing the relevance of the day and the significance of what was lost.
Rest in peace, John Ono Lennon. Rest in peace.
There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them allBut of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you moreThough I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more
Take a walk
Tommy over at Sticks of Fire brings up an issue that is a hot topic in the Bay area right now and of course is an issue that is dear to my heart —
Tampa Bay happens to be one of the worst places in the country for pedestrians.
A five year old was hit by a car while she and her family were cross the street. Tourists… This was a hit and run and the coward couldn’t even come forwardand admit what they had done. Not yet at least. Rebecca McKinney was killed, I felt I had failed… but things get worse and worse and I just feel rage.
The Wheel of Karma
Well, staying positive about negative things brings me positive things…
My last entry talks about how pissed off I was becuase I found out I have a pager that belongs to someone else… Well, I’ve contacted WHDH in Boston about returning their pager to them and after the original non-answer from them I got two warm replies today talking about the generousity I was showing by offering to return the pager to them and the possiblity of returning me a token of their appreciation for returning the pager.
Though it will likely just be a mug or something, it’s still a lot better than me feeling pissed off for having a pager I can’t use. And a lot more constructive too. It’s teh right thing to do.
Black Tuesday
Besides just being depressed (tis the season, ho ho ho to guess-who) I find out hwo bad I’m screwed when it comes to the new pager I now have in my possesion…
I don’t know if anyone still regularly reads der Stonegauge but a couple of weeks ago I reported that my original Motorola T900 text messenger was lost while I tooled around Long Island, New York. I bought a new pager off ebay while in New York and I thought all would be rectified by now.
Wrong.
The replacement pager I bought arrived about 2 weeks ago and I found it broken — not working – when I tried to use it. That itself was discouraging. I contacted the guy I bought the pager from and he told me I coudl return it. Good enough – I sent the pager back and got a new one as a replacement. That oen arrived yesterday and I’v been through hell finding out how screwed I am right now because of this thing.
I talked with my wireless company all afternoon trying to get the pager hooked up but they couldn’t “Locate” the thing because it was on another system. OK, fine. I was frustrated at this and sent myself a text email just because I could…
I didn’t expect to get the response email but I DID. It showed who my hosting company was, and I decided to contact them first thing in the morning about getting this thing ironed out.
Well, here’s the problem. I contacted Arch Wireless this morning (the hosting company) and gave them the pager number, the serial number and the Cap code and what did they find out? That they couldn’t release the pager because it was not registered with them. It was registered with a TV station in Boston.
Like a TV station would give a shit about a pager and transfering ownership to an individual? 🙁 Suffice it to say, I am lost and have no clue what I am going to do from here.
