Category: Personal
The life and times of John Fontana — personal blog posts about things John is dealing with / going through / thinking of / experiencing.
Batten Down the Hatches!
I was going to post about some political mumbo jumbo but there is a more pressing situation — I think Mr. Tommy Dunan does a better job posting about Florida’s multi-tiered threat against it’s very existence.
I haven’t dealt with a Hurricane head on since I was a real young kid living on Long Island…. This is certainly an ordeal I am trying to overprepare for.
Get back to basics, get back to "Baseball Boards"
Not that it’s important, but I thought up a tag line for the floundering Baseballboards.net…
The site certainly hasn’t done enough to warrant me pushing it very hard in the future but at the same time, ther eis some passion from certain members that give the site a chance. I just certainly need some other impassioned souls to take part in this in order to make it work.
Retrograde
I’ve been in the dumps the last couple of days… I meanh really down and jus tlost what to do and hwo to live. I feel trapped, I feel without a purpose and I can’t exactly find reasons to push myself. Sure, I am doing great with my recovery and I am making headway almost every day…
But it’s that purpose that I am lacking. It’s apersonal connection that I’m lacking. Every time I think I found something, it turns out to be nothing. Every time someone else thinks they have found something in me, I get repelled.
SO I’m really low perosnally… And just trying to make it… And yet I’ve found an excuse for why I feel like this. I’ve been reading my Astrology lately )which I swore off last year because it made me think of other Libras) and I’m taking comfort in knowing a certain Astrological condition is upon us.
Now what is the relevance of this? Things feel like they are goign backwards. Communications are snarled up and things are shitty, at best in terms of startingstuff. I always associate Mercury going Retrograde with something negative as it was outinely painted as so in a biography I read about John Lennon.
Maybe I’m just desperate for an excuse?
Maybe I’m just desperate for an answer?
Maybe I’m just desperate for a clue?
It's an obligation for me to say this
I am oblidged to say this…
CONGRATULATIONS TO MR. AND MRS. DAVID COAKLEY.
The reason why I shout that out is because Melanie of Melly’s Mind got herself married. I pitty her :wink
Home Video Lameness and marketing idiocy
It was sort of an interesting thing to happen and cool that it happened to me but at the same time, it aggravated me… No, not just that, it infuriated me.
Last nigh, a representative from Warner Brothers Home Video emailed the webmaster of Boltsmag.com — namely moi — and tried to recruit me to help sling their product on the web. The product in question is the Stanley Cup Championship DVD which shows highlights of the Tampa Bay Lightning season along with Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final and the Lightning being crowned as Champs. It’s a DVD I very much want to be able to enjoy….
But I can’t. No sir, I can’t invest a couple of bucks in the DVD knowing it’s going to a company that didn’t complete the DVD and put it on the market. I can’t invest in a company branch that does it all the time with their sport DVDs. The Warner Brothers Stanley Cup Championship DVD lacks Closed Captioning for the Hearing Impaired and I happen to be hearing impaired.
Lets roll back the clock to more than a year ago with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers winning the Super Bowl…. It was a cap on a dream season for the Bucs and I quickly went and bought the DVD that Warner Brothers Home Video produced that had the entire game — or a likeness of it — along with season highlights and a pre and post game show (so they claimed).
What I found out, cruelly, was when I tried to view the season highlight package (which is always an incredible job done by NFL Films) I got pictures and sound but no clue what the narrator was telling me. No clue what miked players were saying. I could see games and relive moments but not find out what people were blabbering about at any given moment…. Was this a joke? I went to the actual game and they had the network video feed but — what is this? Not only is the video feed replaced by the respective teams radio commentary men but — no closed captioning. I had no clue what was being said by Buccaneer radio man Gene Deckerhoff or the Oakland Raiders respective play-by-play radio man.
So I could see but I couldn’t really enjoy the DVD. I wrote off a scathing letter to Warner Brothers Home Videos and got offered a free DVD of my choice as if to say “Sucks to be you – have one of our movies we can’t move on us!”
This isn’t an isolated incident with DVDs and lack of closed captioning. While major motion pictures are captioned on all DVDs, DVDs tend to be loaded with extra features such as commentary tracks and featurettes. Neither of these are captioned so that the hearing impaired can enjoy these additional features they are paying for when they buy DVDs. To make matters worse, Universal Home Videos doesn’t even use Closed Captioning but instead relies on Subtitles (much like you would see on a foreign film) with their movies. It becomes difficult to follow the film if the text is set on a white background or over a bright object. You lose entire sentences or entire conversations because of the setting of a scene.
And it gets worse from there. Trimark Home Video has the rights to NBC’s Saturday Night Live on DVD — which is both syndicated on TV and broadcast on NBC with full closed captioning… Trimark couldn’t be bothered to add this captioning to their DVDs of Saturday Night Live. Just as Rhino Home Videos couldn’t be bothered to add captioning to their DVD palette which includes children’s TV series like Transformers, Jem, GI Joe… Not to mention their Monkees DVD’s…. Or their original offering of South Park DVDs. (I have no clue if Rhino is still responsible for publishing South Park DVDs at this time. This may have changed).
With the Baby Boom population aging and their bodies failing them to one degree or another, why is it that the Home Video industry gets away with this? Better yet, with 22-34 deaf and hard of hearing Americans out there, why does the movie industry think they can ignore this demographic when it comes to their home video sales? Even more pertinent, why doesn’t someone stick the Americans With Disabilities Act in their face and tell them to shape up or ship out?
It’s an ironic story that Warner Brothers tries to get someone to help sling their DVD — for free — on the web when that person can’t even enjoy the product. It’s even more ironic that no one in the deaf community or elsewhere in America makes a fuss out of this… It’s one of the great dupe jobs going on in the entertainment industry for the sake of the almighty buck.
Frustrated
Take the good with the bad I suppose.
I’m about back where I was a year ago — or over a year ago at that. I am not quite able to go out and do stuff on my own but I am not a gimp anymore. I don’t want to be stcuk home all day and at the same time — it’s not like I can go out and do something.
I read an article by Rick Reilly about Lance Armstrong and then I listened to Max Cleland’s speech before John Kerry was introduced to the DNC and between both stories of overcoming — I felt like I was wasting what I have accomplished and what I can accomplsih. I’m ready to do again but I don’t know what. I am not totally read y to do again but I can’t just sit here and wait. Time won’t let me. I won’t let me for that matter. I’ve done too much waiting for the opportune time in my life for certain things as is.
Lightning does strike twice with me…. But waiting for it to hapen is getting really tiring, especially when I should be able to accomplish on my own.
If at first you don't succeed, install, install, install
Monday, August 2nd is turning into one day of digital frustrations for poor little Johnny. After getting my Computer back from Compustore, I rescued the files I coudl from the found chunks that were saved and tried to start over.
That was Friday.
With a plethora of frustrations and a jagged mess on my Hard Drive, last night I said screw it and started saving what I could to CD’s and started to format my hard drive for Windows XP Re-installation this morning.
Such fun… :rolleyes
At least it’s keeping me busy, though….
Functioning — sorta
Well the computer is back and has been since Friday BUT I may have to format it again. At least I have the opportunity to rescue some of my personal files before having to wipe the HD again and go through the re-install bullshit once more.
Much thanks to the guys at CompuStore for saving at least some of these files from my machine (along with cleaning the utter mess that is my computer).
Never ever ever, ever, never ever ever, never….
Never start defragmenting your hard drive, stop suddenly and then reboot.
Ever.
Never.
Ever.
I wiped out boot.ini it seems on my PC and I’ve got no access to my windows directory to fix the problem on the WIndows XP rescue menu (through the command prompt). To top it off, I’ve read online that all I need is a boot disc to get further on the machine and unfortunately — A: drive has never worked on my peice of shit so I can’t do that.
Tampa Bay Bigotry
I’ve said it before and I will say it again: Sometimes I hate it when I am right. For ego reasons, this time I am sorta pleased about it but at the same time, looking at the area I live in and their level of tolerance — I hate how I could predict the intolerance of others.
The St. Petersburg Times started running some feature stories on Scientology in downtown Clearwater, Florida on Sunday… This was part of a two part feature that completed on Monday.
…And I couldn’t help but know the St. Petersburg Times would be inundated with letters-to-the-editor denouncing Scientology and / or bashing them all together like it was today.
Oh, of course there was a little letter published that predicted this fiasco by some guy in Palm Harbor. Short, subtle and to the point:
Seeing a feature story on Scientology’s hold on Clearwater made me think of one thing and one thing alone last Sunday: How many letters will the newspaper publish in the coming days that border on bigotry?
Damnit, that guy is good :wink
It's getting ugly here
Dear god, I hate all the empty space that is showing up on The Stonegauge lately… It’s not like I’m spread thin on he Internet or anything, it’s just that I haven’t wanted to rant about anything that I could rant about. I mean, really, how many times have I already stated what a sham Iraq was? Or how incompetent / dirty the Bush administration comes off? It’s like shooting fish in a barrel to be honest with you.
I have been parlaying a lot of time toward my new online endeavor along with trying to help out the search engine placement for Rocheleau Cabinetry… Building an online community is tough but with the amount of downtime i have, it should be no problem. There is a problem however and that is trying to bring in people who already have message board communities and cliques of their own that they don’t want to abandon. I’m not much one for spamming but I am on for recruitment of smart people.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, it’s cloudy and rainy here in Florida. I don’t think it’s anything close to what people up north have dealt with lately but it’s miserable. You can’t believe how humid it is to boot. That makes it even worse.
Speaking of weather, how come it’s so friggin’ impossible to find the Tropical Update on Weather.com? It’s only a glut of people who need to know what’s brewing out in the tropics that could lead to potential hazards. Not like that’s important… :rolleyes
Signs and names and such
“What’s in a name? If we were to call a rose by any other would it not smell as sweet?”
What’s college for? A time for self discovery? A time for experimentation?
What’s Google news for? Messing up someone’s mind with news you were looking for from coincidental sources instead of proper ones.
Local idiots
Tampa girls are so fucked up. Read the full ad to get an idea of how fucked up they are.
And to underline the idea that people are messed up in general in Florida, who’s the heartless bastard who would do such a thing to a kitten?
Re-adjusting
It’s always tough to change a habit…. but in these times, you just have to do it…
I am talking about switching from Internet Explorer to Netscape…
With the threat of attack or exploiting IE that has been all through the news, I figured it was best I go about changing web browsers for the time being. I’m not even sure if Netscape 7.1 is that safe either but I am using it as my default browser now and it’s going to take some getting used to clicking on NETSCAPE instead of the little Internet Explorer Icon.
Summer Doldrums
I still haven’t been posting much on the site because I want to make statements on here and not personal diatribes. My anecdotes aren’t that funny or I tell them better one-on-one with close friends instead of telling them to the masses all at once.
I got into a little argument last week with Melanie over politics. She is indifferent towards them and I am urging her to see “Fahrenheit 9-11” and we got into a dispute because of the purpose of the film and shit like that. It made me realize there’s something worse that comes out of partisan politics and corruption than just disgust — apathy. Anyone who is elected will be corrupt because power corrupts, money corrupts and the President of the United States is the key to both money and power.
Meanwhile I bought a couple of domain names and have some visions of grandeur. I’m not saying the names because it could lead to trouble… But it’s something to pass the time with.
Speaking of passing the time and domain names, I’m almost done with Rocheleau Cabinetry Inc’s web site. It’s not the most excellent design in the world but it’s good enough for government work. Hopefully this will help me pay off some debt.
And what else is there? My buddy Bill left Entec and is happy about that but of course also struggling because he wants to be doing something most of the time now… I’m in the same boat because I am getting around better now but still don’t have much to do besides trying to push myself to do more things online and offline.
I’m trying to keep myself busy… Maybe that means a lot more Stonegauge from now on because I don’t have hockey news to cover on Boltsmag.
It's all Greek to me
Current things just have me thinking….
Nick Portokalos: Don’t let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you will become.
Toula Portokalos: Nick that’s beautiful.
Nick Portokalos: Yeah that dear Abby really knows what she’s talking about.
Gus Portokalos: My daughter gonna marry Eeee-an Mill-er, xeno. Xeno with a toast family.
Summer Colds Suck
Sore throat, head that feels like bricks, itchy eyes and a nose that leads me to sneeze over and over again….
Keithed Short
Ah the wonderful world of Johnny. Details, details, details of Keith’s visit to suburban hell… er, Tampa Bay.
So I was f’n stoked on a Saturday Night when the Lightning tied the Stanley Cup finals. Keith, of course, is in disbelief. He had expected to be attending one of the upteenth city parites that would be going on if–no, WHEN the Flames had won.
But it didn’t happen that way.
So what happens when Keith gets home from Saddledome? He’s got to book hsi flight to Tampa. He had tickets lined up since the Flames / Lightning NHL Finals had been set. Game 7 tickets in fact. The series hadn’t been as good as we both had hoped but – gods – this was a game seven! You can’t scalp tickets for an event like this for less than 500 bucks… We got them through Ticketmaster before the game was even scheduled – so we’re in luck.
Sunday night, Keith was due to start flying to Tampa — going to Vegas first and then getting a connector flight / red eye to Tampa. Only problem was his flight was 2 hours late to begin with, which thus made him miss his connecting red-eye flight to Tampa.
Back in the Bay area I am going nuts Sunday night trying to figure out WTF has happened to Keith. He’s stranded, or is he moving? Flyte Comm basically confirmed where Keith was — just leaving Alberta – about the time I was ready to call it a night.
I decided to indeed call it a night, wondering what the hell was going to happen and how Keith woudl be when he finally got here – if he got here…?
I wake up bright and early Monday morning and have a sense of urgency running over me. Not just urgency but anxiousness. Within a couple of hours the Lightning would be playing for a world title and I would be in attendance.
Maybe.
My first thought is – where Keith? His connector fflight took off on time (fuck America West) and that meant he indeed missed his connector flight. I fought on the phone for a good hour trying to find out what happened to him and I find out (through America West customer service) that he’s “Taken another route and going to another city. He’s all right.”
Well, whoop-de-shit. He’s OK. Now where is he? “Sorry, can’t say… but he’s all right.” :rolleyes
I call his cell phone (which I am still told is a wrong number by parties that call back later — but it’s the same number that America West has in their system and same number I have from Keith directly) but I still tell him on his message service to give me a ring to let me knwo what happened and where he is…
I find out a little while later it’s Orlando, and he’s still on his way here.
Read More
Dining experience
Can someone tell me what the rule is when it comes to going to a restaurant and acting like a total asshole? Or totally snobbish?
It seems the last two times I went to a finer restaurant — not a fine restaurant where there is a proper dress code, but nicer, finer restaurant where sandals and tank tops still find there way into the building — I’ve been told to act like a pompous prick and seen family do just that when things go weird. My mom especailly…
Maybe a year ago I went to a restaurant in downtown Dunedin with family. Nice place, nice atmosphere, forgot the name of it though so you’ll have to forgive me. While dining I dropped my fork and family insisted that I not pick up the fork…. Well, not much family, just my mom. When other things happened, I was told that the waitress will handle it. It drove me insane to be waited on over mundane things. This wasn’t like “Let the waiter put a napkin on your lap” type stuff. This was just normal “I’m not a lazy slob” type stuff.
Skipping over that event and finer details of the event — we jump to last night and my dining experience at Sam Seltzers Steakhouse in Clearwater. Not fine dining but it was a hell of a nice place to go to and a hell of a long wait to have. We must have waited an hour and a half for seats (which I’ve always told my parents “Get reservations to that place if you insist on trying to eat there sometime”) and in some ways it was worth it because it was just a nice place to go to…
But then my mother’s pomposity came into it.
Maybe she’s getting eccentric in her age or maybe I’m just too damned sensitive to others. A waiter was trying to handle some dishes — i didn’t pay attention to the fact if they were dirty or clean plates he was handling. What happened was, he tried putting them on an assistance tray/table next to one booth and slipped — he had the plates come crashing down. And my mom clapped and applauded him.
She applauded him with the attitude of a pure-spirited “I don’t give a fuck” woman who was stuffing her face and trying to have a good time at others expense.
Rage bubbled up from within me in embarrassment. I wanted to get up and actually help the guy with the mess but the gimp known as Me can’t quite handle that. I fumed and started telling my mom exactly what I felt. “I can’t believe you did that! Lift your nose up a little higher, mom, lift it up a little higher for everyone to see you’re the most pompous person in the building.”
Yes, that was disrespectful… And who knows, maybe I was over-reacting…. But then again? I’ve been the guy who has to face a crowd after an embarrassing episode and I do NOT want other people to experience the humility of it all — especially when one prick goes off and tries to make me feel worse than I already do. Maybe the waiter didn’t care? Maybe he’d been through this a thousand times already? In any case, wrong is wrong and acting like a asshole in a restaurant is a no-no. You’re supposed to do unto others a you want done unto you right? So why do you start exploiting a persons goof / mistake in embarrassing circumstances instead of trying to help the situation?
If I was at my friends house and that happened — where my friend is the one dealing with dishes and what not, or someone who knows who I am and what I stand for is handling the dishes — I’d possibly do what my mom did and start exploiting it because it’s in jest, it’s good fun and people around me know I don’t mean any harm by it. I’d tell the person (if it wasn’t a person totally familiar with me) that I was just kidding around and teasing and try to help them out after… That’s the type of person I am after all.
I’m not going to act like a dick, however, in the company of strangers and make one person feel like complete shit…. That’s just plain wrong.
WiFi Wierdness
No Exit: There goes the neighborhood
So, I’ve taken to taking advantage of the sophistication of my new neighborhood by driving around it (my neighborhood) at a very low rate of speed until my laptop picks up a wireless network. Then, in true loser form, I sit outside somebody’s house in my car for long periods of time.
Note to self – secure WiFi Network in home — STAT.
A Never Ending Story
I’ve been writing a story for over a year now and it is starting to piss me off more than actually entertain me with regards to finishing it.
If I can’t focus on the story, I choke and can’t write anything. I’ve already had to quit Long Ridge because I can’t think or focus or what not… Part of me wants to call an end to Peter’s adventure and another part of me won’t be satisfied until I punch in the last few sentences and a period and then deem the manuscript finished — the first draft that is. There is still a load of editing to do…
But first things first — trying to close off the story is proving to be a bitch.
I’ve got 77 manuscript pages done as of right now — 21 thousand words… Not too shabby but it’s not that big a tome. It’s not even that high quality I would think. Sure, some people have re-assured me the story is worth reading and the characters make you interested — but there are flaws that I can see and that others can see… That’s part one of what bothers me.
Part two is that I am not writing squarely about what I know. That’s something you are supposed to do but alas — the story is too big to do that. It’s to interesting with the characters and the dialog to do that… Yet the details in some of the places where the story takes place – they escape me. They force me to wonder if I am just a hack because I am winging it or if I am making a worthwhile effort through a bit of ignorance.
Stephen King helped me out — not personally but I was reading Song of Susannah and he made the point that when you have no further use for a character – you could kill them off to end that part of the story. It’s probably much truer in horror and thrillers than this story but I think I might take a lesson from Steve and do some killing in order to advance the story to it’s ending…
Because I personally don’t know how to get there from here as it stands.
I had been close to just cutting out details and jumping to a conclusion instead of giving the full ending and I thought it was a cop out on my part. What happened to the characters after such and such a point? What happened between certain characters that caused them to fight? What happened to so and so, and what will happen when these people reach what’sitcalled? (nice job avoiding plot details, eh? :smile ) I hated the idea of cheating people on the story but without having the complete story (what happens in the end?!) in my mind, it just pisses me off that the story seems to be going on and on without a set point where things will conclude.
Where is “The End” when I need it?
Au Naturale
I don’t know if I am a prude or in the minority with things but it seems to be a dying art for people — guys or girls — to go through life without a tattoo somewhere along their bodies…. be it on the shoulder, above the ankle or somewhere on their person – ink is in and it turns me off.
Maybe I’ve talked about thsi before because I sure feel like I have ranted on this topic… I feel like I am the only person who believes natural skin is sexy anymore.
Look, I realize the concept of a woman with a tattoo on the small of her back is sexy — and I have seen plenty of videos that will further the concept along because of these videos content :tongue . That beign said, does every woman have to try to play the role of the college nympho and get one of these tattoos, or a tattoo on the ankle, or somewhere else on their person for that matter?
I run into people who are really excited about getting new tattoos and I when I look at them, I think about them in ten years with kids running around the house and such. I try to think how long their bodies will look ok with the tattoo until age sets in. It’s like smokers — it stops being attractive at a certain point. Of course, the human body in general stops being attractive at a certain point too…
But from my standpoint — I’d rather carees someone who hasn’t had faux-designs put on their skin in order to make a statement. If you’re not totally comfortable with yoruself and you think a tattoo is the answer — you’re wrong. If “Their cool” or “I want one because” is your reasoning to get a tattoo — well, I have a bridge everyone is jumping off of, you might as well get in line for that thrill ride :tongue
Of course, there are those who do this for art sake — I apologize for going off totally anti-tattoo with this post… It’s just hwo accepted in society this is nwo, and those who don’t understand what the art is and only do it for the quick thrill.
She says, I think…
When you have to get in the spirit of blogging ain… Rely on Unconcious Mutteringsout…
- Colorblind:: Vinny Testaverde
- Shallow:: Internet
- Erotica:: Sexuality
- Figment:: Fictional
- Eviction:: Prospect Heights
- Composed:: Written
- Chill:: Cool your boots
- Girl:: Interupted
- California:: Home away from Home
- Bond:: James Bond
Things
The last month has been one of change for me. Physical change, emotional (?) change, personal change and some changes around me. They’ve been more accomplishments than setback and my mood hasn’t always been the best but there is progress in my life and that makes me feel better than I’ve felt in a long, long time.
Last year around this time I was falling into an abyss as I was losing ability with my legs. Go back for yourselves and take a look at June and July 2003 and you can find my personal writings that talk about my legs giving out from under me. Now? Now I’m again at a point where there is a great deal of light in front of me but I am not entirely ready to emerge from the tunnel of darkness.
Jack Ryan needed a year to regain the ability to walk, that was what was said in The Hunt For Red October and I won’t be surprised if it lingers that long for me.
Anyway, I’ve traded my walker (which I only use rarely) for a red cane and am mixed using that and trying to walk on my own. Comes and goes with how well I can do that but it’s close enough for government work.
I started not posting onto this journal last month because I’ve had my room torn up and lost in discordia (we’ll get to the discordia reference in a minute kiddies :wink ) as I’ve finally had my ugly mica furniture removed as well as had a real floor put in… It’s a big change from what I have had. Brighter. More positive for that matter. Good for the soul, say thank ya.
And of course things really got better the last week with me getting out and seeing I could do again – that’s with help, however. I have to still put up a post about what went on with my friend Keith but that’s for another post. Maybe tomorrow.
As for now, I go back to Stephen King’s latest – Song of Susannah which I’m enjoying as I near the finish of the book. Big step up from his last Dark Tower novel. I will give you a better review of the book when I am done…
Positives are around… Quite a change of pace for the Artful Dodger, but positives are around again — thank God.
Stranger in a strange land
So the Lightning have one last game this season, and that last game is the true title game as the Stanley Cup Champion will be crowned after this game.
And Keith is heading down here tonight and will be arriving early tomorrow morning in Tampa to catch the game and stay a couple of day sin Tampa Bay.
It”s odd enough for me to deal with the fact the Lightning are playing for the Stanley Cup, it’s been a wild last couple of days and last couple of weeks as I have had several things change around me — which I never blogged in here .
But now I have to play International Host which I have never done before. Hell, i have never traveled by myself and can’t fathom how Keith is doing it – flying from Calgary to Tampa… I feel some insecurities because I’m still a gimp for the most part and he wants to take in some events here in Tampa and o course i want to show him around too… And doing that by car isn’t exactly how I planned it.
ON one hand, I wan tot meet him and show him the beauty of Florida before the Bolts kick the shit out of the Flames (and after :tongue) :biggrin, and on the other hand – now I know the feeling that others might feel when they are told someone is going to be visiting their neck of the woods to almost specifically meet.
But then again – it’s immaturity to look for a escape route – which I’ve seen in the past. Which I’ve participated in, in the past.
Crappy week for friends and Family
So first off, Andy gets accused by his manipulative bitch.
Then Melinda is heartbroken (in part) because her Mandy is still abroad and having visions of grandeur staying there.
Next? Finnaula’s (aka Danielle) boyfriend leaves her to sort out some personal issues — at best. Leaving her absolutely devastated by this blindside move.
And of course the Lightning lost tonight, which continues the suckage of it all. What’s next? Ghosts of heartbreak past coming back into my life? Or worse? OR better?
Wash away the pain
So I went over Andy’s house about 3 or 4 hours ago…. It’s the first time I’ve been there since last September and from the outside the house looked incredible. Still a work in progress, but it still was incredible and I was proud of how well it was set up.
Then I got inside.
There was a vibe — I LIKE the house, I like how he’s constructed it, but there was a vibe… A bad vibe. Everything from yesterday just seemed to hang on the air. Animosity? Oppression? Disdain? Sadness? Anger? Torment? Abuse? Things like that just hung around the house.
Me and the majority of my family along with Andy’s best friend Adam went ahead and cleaned the house, and going through all of this — you could feel this bad vibe on all the dirt and grime of the house. Underneath it there was this feeling of love — a tormented feeling at that, like it was maligned by forces….
We got through everything and the house felt better — like we spread some good Karma in there. I am not one of those new-age people when you hear me saying stuff like vibes and karma, but things just felt more unified… Like we healed the spirit inside his house a little. I don’t know… Maybe it was just me?
Hopefully that good karma carries over for my brother and for my family and gets my brother through his time of heartache.
Manipulative…
I’ve bitched about people close to me — now I need to rant about someone close to someone else in my family who has truly shown herself to be a manipulative bitch…
Andrew – my younger brother — was accused yesterday of striking his girlfriends child. My younger brother would not raise his hand in anger, would not threaten the kids that he loves immensely. The only evidence on the GF’s side his her emotionally disabled (bi-polar and more) 4 year old son who ran off and got himself a bloody nose. She accused my younger brother and sided with a kid who doesn’t know right from wrong (I can vouch for this). She called the cops on Andrew…
And all I can say is that manipulative bitch
I could rant here but it gets too personal and I don’t want to go into that. I feel my brothers pain and feel a lot of anger for this situation he is in, from a girl who has always rubbed me the wrong way and now proven herself with false accusations to be the trash I always thought of her.
The Following is an Advertisement…
The following is a post helping a friend achieve her goal:
Kayla is in love with Ben and wants the world to know
I’ve done my part to help her achieve that goal. :p 🙂
Play it out in your head.
I had daydreamed maybe Saturday while my room was getting a new wood floor… Or maybe it was Sunday when I was sitting idle…. I don’t know for sure but sometimes when I can play out instances in my head – scenes of stories or what-ifs, I can translate them into written works without much of a problem. Not when I force the issue (as I continue to do with the story I make reference to as “Peters Problem — 74 manuscript pages long) but when I let it play out naturally in my head with what one character would say and someone’s response.
And that has me writing again… Writing about a long abandoned story I hoped wouldn’t come true in one extent or another, but has….
I’m happy to report that I have ideas how to edit these stories together and how to edit the original concept of the story in order to make it a better narrative but… I need drive with that. Hopefully this second piece that I have been writing since Saturday Night will be that drive.
A mix of inspiration and perspiration… Not too shabby.
I don’t think this thing will linger into a huge tome but you never know….
Thanks to my Friends
A couple of weeks old but thanks to Danielle (Finnaula), Melanie, Terra, Kari, Keith and others. You helped me through a tough spot and even though I’m still in that tough spot – I’ve got my eyes open now.
I could go into detail but that’s devoting more thought into a subject than the subject deserves. I”ve drowned my pains on that thought and if I use it again it’ll just be something in writing.
What is the Purpose?
“I know why you’re here, Neo. I know what you’ve been doing… why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You’re looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn’t really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It’s the question, Neo. It’s the question that drives us. It’s the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did. ”
“What is the Matrix?”
“The answer is out there, Neo, and it’s looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to.”
Night after night? Check. Hardly sleeping? Sorta check… Living alone? No but feeling alone? Check….
Searching for Him? Who Him? It? Her? Possibly…
What is the Purpose is the question that I am asking… and I honestly don’t know.
Finally!
Finally! After years of research, our experts have found a word to define WTF in Internet speak!
Interestion!
Yes, Interestion…. A mix of Interesting and questioning all in one… WTF brought this on? A little birdie told me… Chirp, Chirp, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy… Chirp Chirp… :biggrin
interestion
in-tar-est-ion. v. — The art of “WTF”. Interesting and questioning all at once.
Usage: Keith thought things were in a state of interestion when he was banned from the message board for two weeks. :wink
John is watching 'Friends'
IMO, this might be the worst “comedy” since Seinfeld.
Yet, John is a self described “sap” who is spending tonight watching both the final episode, and tear-jerking retrospective.
What a sissy.
Feel free to flame him mercilessly. >:)
(Hey, I need to get even)
Something's Got to Give and Take
It’s late when I write this… Or early if you think of things that way… I guess it’s a “Half-empty”, “Half-full” kinda observation but whatever… That isn’t really the point I am trying to drive home in this post.
What is my point? I haven’t the foggiest. I’m just awake and bored and I have a few moments because I am not trying to write my story that I have been working on (the “Peters Problem” story is now 73 manuscript pages long and I am choking up because I don’t know if I shoudl continue or if the story is worth continuing or what).. That’s my first crux of the moment…. Maybe I am just wrong for writing it at all because it gets lame? Or I feel like it’s lame at least and I just need some input (which I am awaiting from certain people).
Maybe the doubts arose from watching Something’s Got To Give last night? Great movie but I felt like art was imitating life when I saw it. There were so many things that I could identify with from both the main characters…. well, except menopause, wrinkled asses, dating women half your age and of course — being 55+…. But other things, other issues… It was a real shot of deja-vu watching it… Uncanny…
That, or I am drawing too many thoughts from films. That was my initial reaction when I tried to put doubts into my mind. “You read too much into these things John. Stop taking them so seriously!”
But between the story and the movie — i just have doubts and have confusion. I hear the phrase over and over again that everything happens for a reason and I am trying to think of reasons why my life is how it is, why things go as they do. Am I supposed to fail in life? Is that my reasoning?
Yeah, that’s negative… That’s how I’m thinking right now though. Balls-to-the-wall honesty.
And I am also rambling here if you couldn’t guess… Not a clear, coherent entry and… Ah, hell, I just need something interesting and positive right now.
"I had a bad day again"
I want to spit on someone or kick someone’s ass
I want to tear my entire house down and just start over.
I want to move
I want to do something… Besides write in the 2-D and accomplish minimum things through electronic impulses.
I want to take pain that people have caused me out on those people — just to see what they think of the shit they pull when it’s finally pulled on them
Yep, I’m having a bad day again…
Dependence
I admit it, I am a junkie. A total, dyed-in-wool junkie…
I want my walker fix, I need my assistive walker fix! If I don’t have my fix, I go crazy! I have a difficult time doing routine things like, well, walking! I need to lean! I want to lean! I want your support walker! UGH!
Seriously though, folks, being a gimp as my medical posts have so often referenced, I’ve been using a walker since last August and I’m starting to get peeved I am still dependent on it. Oh no, it’s not because I physically can’t walk without it any more… It’s that… Well, I can’t LET myself walk without it. It becomes so difficult!
I looked around the Internet and I couldn’t find anything on the psychological dependence patients build towards assistive devices in case they are using them for a long time. I’ve been confident that exists for a very long time after seeing plenty of elderly people, after surgery, insist on continuing to use assistive devices that they no longer need. It’s easier that way. I have to agree with them but at the same time — I’m a 24 year old and walking around as a gimp without something to lean on kills my social life.
Friend: “So, you wanna hang out?”
Me: “Sure, just make sure you drop me off curb side because the pavement is cracked in front of the building. Also help me get to my seat — screw chivalry! — I look like a fool pushing this aluminum walking thing around.”
Fun stuff :rolleyes
SO I gotta try to kick the habit. Be that by upgrading to a cane and making it Swing or by just getting rid of the walker and forcing myself to walk without it. Easier said than don, either way.
Father Ills
Somethings wrong with my old man…
Not only does Dad have a bad back, but something else is up with his arms… He’s at the hospital right now.
I’m pissed and concerned all a the same time.
Web Work
When in trouble or in doubt, start on another web site design for friends who are paying you 😉
Forcing it
It’s 1:30 in the morning and I’m trying to focus my mind on the task at hand: finishing a story I started nearly a year ago that is rambling on to it’s 60th manuscript page as of this writing.
After talking with my longtime friend Tim, I had a breakthrough with the tale as I wasn’t able to get anything done with the story without knowing how to end it or how to draw it to a conclusion. Tim helped me find one, which is excellent. He’s also vowed to help me through editing the story if and when I finish.
I sure as hell better finish, because I can’t focus on another story until I put these characters to rest, so to speak.
The key dilema now is connecting the story between two points — and then driving this baby home. I might near 80 or 90 manuscript pages whyen all is said and done. 20 thousand words isn’t a stretch… All of this before editing, of course.
'Texted' Out
Damn you Metrocall / Weblink Wireless!!!
I start a conversation with my friend Michelle around 5 PM on Friday through my text messenger. “Hey Hey” with Michelle’s standard “Howdy” response.
Well, after that Howdy from my AFI loving friend, I couldn’t send nor receive messages from anyone on a cellphone all weekend long (still the case at 11 PM Sunday). I was able to receive email like normal, I was able to get messages from the Internet, I was even able to set up getting messages from my scarcely used AOL account on the pager but I couldn’t do text messaging with Cellphone users. Bummer to be left out of touch with friends like that. It made me want to replace my pager with something like the Sidekick… Oh well. 🙁
Abilities and their Inabilities
So John’s an admitted gimp, right?
On his way to recovery and John the Gimp looks into work between little things this week and what happens when I call Abilities of Florida to see if they could assist me with finding a job?
I find out their phone number for TTY users has been disconnected.
OK, that’s good and fine. I can use Voice Carry Over and weird them out because of it. I mean, they’re serving the public, right? I’m a member of the public… So ring-a-ding-ding I give them a call and I get a recording that I need to type in an extension or wait for an operator. I wait and the operator comes on demanding an extension.
Puzzled, I tell them that I am not sure what extension I am looking for because I’m just trying to get information and find out how I can get assistance through this company.
After about 5 minutes of silence the operator responds — asking me again for an extension… :rolleyes
Fun stuff
Thoughts on Pat Tillman — former NFL player killed in Afghanistan
Pat Tillman, former NFL player who gave up the game and turned his back on millions from the Arizona Cardinals to join the Army Rangers after 9-11, was killed while involved in the hunt for Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda in Afghanistan. I know at the time he joined up and news was everywhere about it, I was a little put back by this — for political reasons, admittedly — but now I have such a new appreciation for him and I can’t fathom the amount of sacrifice this man has made for America.
I wrote a couple of “Letters to the Editor” at the St. Petersburg Times over this, and I won’t repost it entirely because I took jabs at Simeon Rice, Defensive End for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and former Defensive End for the Arizona Cardinals who put down Tillman in general in the media after he enlisted (and personally I like taking jabs at that pompous son of a bitch when I can get the chance) but I did make the statement that Tillman has made the ultimate sacrifice for his country, and he is a prime example of why we here in America are able to enjoy the comforts we know and live a good life where we can do things like play a game for a living in the first place.
Tillman was fighting on the front that mattered IMHO… Someone attacks the US and you go find the source and deal with it… And to lose your life trying to stand up for your country… that just means a hell of a lot to me. That’s Patriotism, that’s what the government has distorted and perverted for Politics since 9-11 happened.
It further cements certain ideals in me… That Iraq was wrong (and costing us billions while costing US Soldiers their lives to fight for a rich man’s principles), that the War on Terrorism needs a new game plan, etc… Yet it gives me a better understanding of how and why we should appreciate the comforts we have…. Because these comforts were paid in the price of blood by many before us. It also makes me feel a monumental appreciation — that’s not even the right word, admiration might work better — for Tillman who gave it all up, who turned his back on MILLIONS to fight to protect his country. Fighting to protect makes me feel so much more for a war than fighting to spread an ideal. Vietnam was fighting to spread an ideal and it wasn’t the right thing to do. Iraq is fighting to spread an ideal and it’s spreading hatred instead and helping the forces we wanted to stop in Afghanistan It’s ironic I blasted Rice because I admire Defense so much more than Offense as these political statements make.
I could go on about political beliefs here and thoughts on war but this should be Pat Tillman’s post… because Tillman’s sacrifice can’t be dismissed.
Rest in peace, Pat Tillman. And let honor ring around your name as it rings around the names of those who have fallen before you to protect the nation and the world.
Atonement
I posted last night about Hit for the Cycle and Charles Hamilton’s quest to bike to every MLB baseball stadium. I also posted about how crappy the Devil Rays game was for him and how much of a hard time the Rays gave him.
Well, in an attempt to make up for the sins of the local team, I’ve been trying to give some extra press to Charles by emailing local sports personalities. I’ve also offered to host his site and set up a web log for him — if he wants it. I’ve also offered to buy tickets at another stadium for him in case he needs them… because if the Devil Rays won’t give him a freebie, a Devil Rays FAN will do what he can to set him up for a freebie.
Pushing the Limits
Rehabbing is fun.
No I am not some muscle bound guy – anyone who knows me knows that isn’t the case… Yet I have been having a hell of a lot of fun working out and trying to get back into shape. I’m impressing everyone who sees me with how I am doing because of how BAD I was doing just a few months ago…
‘
Of course, in case you didn’t see it (and there are plenty who didn’t) you don’t know just how bad I was doing and how incapacitated I was. I’m chaffing at the bit now because I am thisclose to getting out of this oppressive life and DOING something again. Work? Travel? Either or appeals to me.
Intellect Test
I know a few too many people who would fail this test… And what kind of person am I if I find this completely hysterical and correct at the same time? :tongue :biggrin
"Do you want to play a Game?"
Long time since I played along with “Unconscious Mutterings” —
- Virginia:: Wolfe
- Soft:: Core
- Carol:: Hall
- Vanity:: Fair
- Feminist:: Hypocrisy
- Alias:: Gonzo (I have no clue where that comes from)
- Coward:: Bush
- Beer:: Stein
- Chance:: Gamble
- Honest:: eluding
Some strange words that I put together. Anyone want to post some of your own?
