Category: Creative Writing
Creative writing — be it fiction, poetry, lyrical verse or prose — by John Fontana referenced through blog posts.
And a Time to every Purpose
A Time to Every Purpose….
A time to every purpose
Except this ongoing circus
Of fear and fate, malignant deeds,
Sore for sight eyes and tumbleweeds
Been mislead in all directions
Vote’s been voided in all elections
Lacking course
Searching for a sign
Or a loving hand to help me by
And suppose my purpose never comes?
Or even worse — it never was?
Falling down a flight of stairs
Life’s reasons are never what they seem
Lonliness is what I fear
Reasonless is what draws near
…And a time to every purpose
Except my own
© 2005 John Fontana
How bad a title is this…?
I know it’s really important what the content of a story and not the title but would you be interested in reading something that was titled….
Amiable Neurotica
Just curious.
In the life of bard: Good News, bad news
My, what a pleasurable sensation….
It’s been over a year – close to a year and a half – since I wrote a short story or actually completed a short story. The good news is that I’ve got a draft of a 3600 word short story done. I’ll edit it a few times before I give it a final approval. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that I think it might be too perdictable. I mean, it pulls at heart strings and the target audience has liked it sus far (the two people I have had read it) but…
Eh…. The art of editing is to improve your story as much as possible. We’ll see if that does it.
Pen to pad, long time gone
I’ve been trying to re-arrange my poetry page instead of ammassing everything I have by 10 poems-per-page. I don’t know why I am doing it exactly but I am doing it…. (all of this while I shoudl be working on Chantilly Lace gifts).
The thing is, I read over certain poems and I can remember exactly where and when I was when I wrote that poem… Some of them I rememeber exactly what I was feeling. I’ve lst at least one entire book of poetry because I lent it out to someone who would later betray me… And at the same time I still have 7 volumes sitting on a bookshelf that are just one big reminder of things in the past.
Some people had journals, some people just kept notes of there lives, some people blog… I wrote poetry. It was release and yet it chronicled things.
Anyway, the poem that gets me – and get sme every time – is Lost Inside… Just because of how I ende dup playing the words. I can remember writing this at my local library … There are a lot of poems with certain strengths to them that I persoanlly enjoy but this is the one that I like the most:
Lost Inside
Seen my feelings lost inside forever
Couldn’t we be good together?
Girl, you are my everything,
You’re all my wants and cravesLost inside the secret you
What am I supposed to do
Girl, you are my majesty
I’ll worship you foreverOnly known I’ve lost my mind
Oh, why worry? Never mind
Everything that I do crave
Is lost inside your beingNow to find you,
Majesty,
I need to be your everything,
Fit the bill and fly the path,
Our equation, do the math,
Add us two and then subtract –
The worries and the hardshipsSeen my feelings inside you, girl
Oh my, honey, what a world
What am I supposed to do?
I’ve stayed lost inside the secret youAnd inside, I’ve lost my mind
Oh, why worry? Never mind
Everything I’ll always crave
Is lost inside the secret you©1998 John P. Fontana
OHMIGOD and also PLEASE DEAR GOD, NO!
Oh my God, the Boston Red Sox have become the first MLB Team to ever overcome a 3-0 defeceit to win a series and have beaten the New York Yankees to capture the American League crown! It’s wondrous! It’s amazing!
It’s a God Damned disaster in the making.
You think you’ve got enough political bullshit going on right now from Herr Dubya and John Kerry? Well, just think about this people — The Boston Red Sox versus the Houston Astros… Get Geographical…
Boston vs. Houston… Massachusettes vs. Texas…
And it barely gets any better if St. Louis wins. It’s still Boston vs. Busch 😛
It’ll be a good game for the National League tomorrow but I hope to high hell that the Astros don’t win for the sake of the media spin being absent over the next week….
The end of Roland Deschain's Journey – The Dark Tower
I’ve reviewed the last few books with just general babble in my opinion… Not talking details at all about The Dark Tower books except for those who know the Dark Tower. I’ve tried to keep my reviews spoiler free so that other people can enjoy what happens to Roland and hsi ka-tet as they approach the apex of existence: The Dark Tower.
Stephen King spins his final tale – another work of Metafiction with himself involved in the novel – in the thirty-plus year saga of the Gunslinger and his quest. It closes the door on the series but it also opens the door to the reader – the Constant Reader that Stephen likes to reffer to…. How so? ON discord perhaps? Discontent? On frustrations? On heartbreak?
It’s just a book to so many who have enjoyed them over the years, it’s a pilgrimage to the center of a fiction writers imagination.
From here on in, I want to give a constant spoiler warning… I will not be holding back on my comments… I’ll say the book kept me interested and it was a page turner… Now if you do not want to know what happens in the book — READ NO FURTHER!
—
You still here? OK… Well, lets get down to basics: Roland does indeed reach the Dark Tower and breach it…
The bad news is that King decided to get rid of some people along the way. We have a few people form past King Novels show up — including Shimmie Ruiz who happesn to be a breaker of all things — but that doesn’t really make up for the breaking of the Ka-tet. It doesn’t make up for the bitter end between Roland and Susannah (nor her choice — more on that later). Nor does it make up for the ultimate hook that closes the book out with (which I nearly skipped after reading Roland reciting names of those he has met on his journey).
For those who have read the Dark Tower novels and who have read soem of King’s other work, there has always been a indirect tie to the Tower books from his other stories. In Insomnia was a painting with two men… Patrick Danville was supposed to save the lives of those two figures and one of those men MUST NOT DIE….
Patrick was one of those two men, so it seems… As he and Roland of Gilead are the ones that are left to approach the Tower. I kid you not.
Eddie Dean hath fallen. O Discordia.
John “Jake” Chambers hath fallen. O Discordia.
Susannah Dean ventures back into one fo the many Americas in existence… This all but a day before Roland reaches the Dark Tower.
Those are the killer blows of The Dark Tower. Eddie being the most lovable character of the saga, Jake being part of the story from the very start…. It just broke my heart when I read about Eddie dying…. jake dying was shocking to me. It was shocking to Stephen King as well who explains in the book himself that, in his notes, all four of them were supposed to live to see the tower.
And Oy? Unfortunately, Wizard and Glass told you the outcome of Oy’s journey to End World….
Eddie’s death was the real problem I had with The Dark Tower – that’s just someone I couldn’t see dying and yet who’s death seemed the most likely. His death is ont he heels fo the Beam of Shardik / Manturin being saved, which adds to the bitterness of it happening.
And Jake? He saves Stephen King in the year of ’99….
Susannah and Roland venture together through a good bit of the book but dreams start telling her she must leave Roland. And leave she does…. For Eddie Cantor….Toren?
I don’t know where else to go with this discription of the book… It had most everything you have seen in the Dark Tower stories except a lengthy flashback. Chills, spills, gunslinging…. Roland never ahd the “dry twist” of arthritis… That is explained. Ted Brauntigan and Dinky Evanshaw are park of the group that saves the beams from the Breakers (say thank ya)….
And what happens when Roland reaches the Dark Tower? What happens when he reaches the top? I’ll leave you with a few words and hear them very well, I beg… I’ll leave you to read the novel itself and enjoy the novel as I did… But one line summarizes the begining and the end of this Magnum Opus of Stephen King:
The man in black fled across the desert and the Gunslinger followed.
A Never Ending Story
I’ve been writing a story for over a year now and it is starting to piss me off more than actually entertain me with regards to finishing it.
If I can’t focus on the story, I choke and can’t write anything. I’ve already had to quit Long Ridge because I can’t think or focus or what not… Part of me wants to call an end to Peter’s adventure and another part of me won’t be satisfied until I punch in the last few sentences and a period and then deem the manuscript finished — the first draft that is. There is still a load of editing to do…
But first things first — trying to close off the story is proving to be a bitch.
I’ve got 77 manuscript pages done as of right now — 21 thousand words… Not too shabby but it’s not that big a tome. It’s not even that high quality I would think. Sure, some people have re-assured me the story is worth reading and the characters make you interested — but there are flaws that I can see and that others can see… That’s part one of what bothers me.
Part two is that I am not writing squarely about what I know. That’s something you are supposed to do but alas — the story is too big to do that. It’s to interesting with the characters and the dialog to do that… Yet the details in some of the places where the story takes place – they escape me. They force me to wonder if I am just a hack because I am winging it or if I am making a worthwhile effort through a bit of ignorance.
Stephen King helped me out — not personally but I was reading Song of Susannah and he made the point that when you have no further use for a character – you could kill them off to end that part of the story. It’s probably much truer in horror and thrillers than this story but I think I might take a lesson from Steve and do some killing in order to advance the story to it’s ending…
Because I personally don’t know how to get there from here as it stands.
I had been close to just cutting out details and jumping to a conclusion instead of giving the full ending and I thought it was a cop out on my part. What happened to the characters after such and such a point? What happened between certain characters that caused them to fight? What happened to so and so, and what will happen when these people reach what’sitcalled? (nice job avoiding plot details, eh? :smile ) I hated the idea of cheating people on the story but without having the complete story (what happens in the end?!) in my mind, it just pisses me off that the story seems to be going on and on without a set point where things will conclude.
Where is “The End” when I need it?
Play it out in your head.
I had daydreamed maybe Saturday while my room was getting a new wood floor… Or maybe it was Sunday when I was sitting idle…. I don’t know for sure but sometimes when I can play out instances in my head – scenes of stories or what-ifs, I can translate them into written works without much of a problem. Not when I force the issue (as I continue to do with the story I make reference to as “Peters Problem — 74 manuscript pages long) but when I let it play out naturally in my head with what one character would say and someone’s response.
And that has me writing again… Writing about a long abandoned story I hoped wouldn’t come true in one extent or another, but has….
I’m happy to report that I have ideas how to edit these stories together and how to edit the original concept of the story in order to make it a better narrative but… I need drive with that. Hopefully this second piece that I have been writing since Saturday Night will be that drive.
A mix of inspiration and perspiration… Not too shabby.
I don’t think this thing will linger into a huge tome but you never know….
Forcing it
It’s 1:30 in the morning and I’m trying to focus my mind on the task at hand: finishing a story I started nearly a year ago that is rambling on to it’s 60th manuscript page as of this writing.
After talking with my longtime friend Tim, I had a breakthrough with the tale as I wasn’t able to get anything done with the story without knowing how to end it or how to draw it to a conclusion. Tim helped me find one, which is excellent. He’s also vowed to help me through editing the story if and when I finish.
I sure as hell better finish, because I can’t focus on another story until I put these characters to rest, so to speak.
The key dilema now is connecting the story between two points — and then driving this baby home. I might near 80 or 90 manuscript pages whyen all is said and done. 20 thousand words isn’t a stretch… All of this before editing, of course.
Just write already!!!
Here I am — someone who can blog through his ass and back again and a wanna’ be story teller and what has happened? My shit attitude on top of some creative shortcomings has limited me when it comes to actually doing any writing.
I’ve struggled with a few paragraphs of an existing story… A story I need to finish which is dragging on. Me and Tim did some brainstorming what could happen to close out the story and we came up with a conclusion That I think I can work with…
Or can i?
The most difficult thing in storytelling after figuring out what you want to do is getting there… And once you get there, how you are going to draw your story to an end… It’s especially tough when you write about real life or something that could have happened in reality. Reality doesn’t end with “The End”, it goes on and on and a story can be drawn out into more stories or additional info about a tale.
I was stupid enough to paint myself into that corner when I started writing this fable which I am semi-proud of.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get my ass in gear and try to finish this thing up.
Wedding Announcement Cover Boy
Ain’t it cool? I have one of my poems going on the cover of my friend Raquel’s wedding announcement list… because it’s about a beach wedding…
Roc, as we call her, is going to mail me a copy just so I can see how it came out on the announcement list.
Just a classic poem for a classic thought
Where She Went…
Were she went, I’ll never know
What a shame, My shame alone
Do you now how she feels?
Like a warm leather glove,
On a cold winters day
©1998 John P. Fontana
Thinking of taking a (hockey) Dive….
I used to write, a long long time ago, for a hockey publication.. A local one… One that had a good little mix of local readers and local fans talking it up and hanging out on the site…
This of course was a crappy Rivals.com site but it worked. It had a dedicated owner, a dedicated set of fans and a couple of kids (including me) who wanted to do what they could to get noticed and get published and what not….
I’d like to try setting something like that up again…. But an MT version of it… (meaning a journal report on the Lightning if it’s possible).
It IS possible, the thing is I am not a great writer — well, it’s not exactly writing as so much reporting and I am a worse reporter than I am a writer… Why? I can’t get to locations to report… Not only hat but when I DO report, I get the information wrong…
I’d love to have a site, though, dedicated to one of the local sports teams and with a team of fans to help report on the team…. The Lightning is the best team to achieve that with, as the Buccaneers want to keep everything in house and the Devil Rays happen to resent their fans with a vengence….
A Tampa Bay Lightning fan site while the Lightning are getting ready for their next playoff push might be fantastic to launch… Though it also might be suicide seeing the NHL is on a collision course with the Apocalypse.
Poetic Meanings — just found out
You know, I was just going through something or other on the web and I came across a little factoid that just hit me a certain way that made me laugh and think at the same time about a poem I wrote a few years ago (song Poem) and how true the lyric is, in a sad way…
The song-poem was Java Jungle which I wrote at Palm Harbor’s “Java Jungle” coffee shop years ago when I was still very much a lyricist and poet. The song is just rambling verse that makes sense to me and probably me alone in some of it’s meanings but has a little niftiness to itself… if you can find the rhyme scheme and what could have been the beat or what the music could have turned into with the song…
At any rate, I’m going to post the lyrics now – then I will tell you more about that “ironic and funny” little meaning I didn’t intend that I just found out about…
Sally-man say:
“Who led the way,
“Across the Great Red Sea?”
Way back,
The long way back,
Back home
Tell Mom and Dad
That I’m going mad
Sitting here on the porch
Deep toking’ a dead roach
Fabulon
And Mickey and Brand,
Across the great land
Living at the center of life
Metropolitan life
Ju-Ju-Ju-Ju-Juniper chaos,
Had a little seance
To find her kindred soul
(Only she’d be so bold)
Cold hard wind, yeah
It’s stained with sin, yeah
Only known as the doldrums
The silence hums
Play on
Easter day
Saint Jude’s Parade
Lennon Lad,
Lennon Lad,
Lennon Lad
The kingdom’s your to have
Silence abounds
© 1997 John P. Fontana
So what’s the big deal? Well, I could break down the meaning of each stanza and verse to you but some of it is boring and some of it – as I already alluded to — should make sense only to me (Mickey and Brand across the great land, for instance, is a reference to friends of mine who used to come down to be with family here in Florida, I would see them every summer).
The lyric that I found funny is one of the closing lines… I talk about Easter Day and St. Jude’s Parade and then make a reference to “Lennon Lad”. This is all talking about Julian Lennon. “Jude” being direct reference to “Hey, Jude” which was written by Paul McCartney for Julian during the time John Lennon was divorcing Cynthia Lennon.
The entire line was actually supposed to be reference to St. Crispian’s Day, I believe I had seen Renaissance Man not very long before I had written this poem and I was very fond of Shakespeare at the time after a year of his works being passed on to me through Ms. Ciccone at East Lake High School.
Well, St. Jude got worked in there and the reference to Julian was made — “The kingdom’s yours to have” and silence abounds… That’s saying that Julian could have easily followed John Lennon’s footsteps and gone to the top of Rock and Roll but failed to do so… Of course, Julian is still involved with music and still battles demons involved with his father and his childhood… That being said, there are reason the kingdom was never entirely inherited by him or by Sean Ono Lennon for that matter.
The ironic – funny twist that I keep making reference to is St. Jude. I didn’t know who St., Jude was nor did I ever think to find out… I just threw the name out there for the rhyme and for the reference (Jude, Jules, Julian) and only recently (reading another Rick Reilly article) found out who St. Jude is:
The Patron Saint of Lost causes.
So, Lennon Lad, the kingdom may be yours to have but from what the Java Jungle tells you, it’s a lost cause trying to inherit it…
Words that make you call out Poo
It’s funny how I was believing that writing was a salvation from drowning or being destroyed by reality, and i haven’t had the ability to write anything or want to write anything for a while now.
Check the journal, you can see the rants haven’t been there — they’ve been snippets here and there, not much more. In some cases they’ve been a few paragraphs, but the substance? What has the substance been?
Words, feelings, worries, blah blah blah blah blah.
I’m in a rut, no thanks to life as I know it an my health making life shit for me. I’m in a rut even trying to do what I know I am capable of doing. Self doubt, maybe procrastination… they are both stifling what I used to covet.
And of course the lack of creativity right now… The lack of a market… The lack of some push from something or someone special…
I feel like I am oblivion incarnate, or perhaps the embodiment of what is wrong with this world. I need some time – or a vacation from my life, from myself… from my worries and doubts… Maybe I just nee d a trip to Euphoria again? Happiness seems like such a distant land, even though I can find contentment shooting the shit up with some of my friends.
Maybe that’s all I should be relying on now? The little help from my friends when my Friends need a little help from my humor? There’s got to be more to my life though — I couldn’t stay sane with just that alone…. Though I am edging insanity as is.
Rejection
If I don’t already have enough of this in my life….
I was rejected from Glimmer Train Press’ Very Short Fiction contest. :sad
One down, two to go…
Writers….
Ever struggle to just do basic things in writing — like your own private journal?
Or assignments hanging over your head?
Or emails?
Or anything that requires some work?
That’s me right now :sad
The Lou One has Spoken
SO what’s up with Assignment Six and the Long Ridge Writers Group?
I got my last assignment back Monday and things were sort of discouraging with it. Not that I screwed up anywhere or my concept story wasn’t good enough… Just the fact I guess things weren’t as well as I wanted them to be even though I thought they were good,. The concept, the title, etc…
Going back and doing the story now, after I sent in the synopsis that Lou edited doesn’t seem to be what I want to do… I’m conflicted what I will do…
The Greater Pastime
Old poem… don’t really have an entry due tot he torture of the give and take….
Baseball… The greater Passtime…
The grass is green,
and newly cut,
on a bright and glorious day.
The stands are full with people cheering,
who came out, to watch them play
The pitcher, the catcher, the rightfielder,
The man at shortstop and second base,
These and the others are called upon,
To boost the home team’s play.
They go through the innings,
And at the end: haven’t both teams won?
For to play the game of baseball,
is the most glourious thing to be won.
© 1992 John P. Fontana
"The Art of…" Writing
SoN I’ve been giving a lot of people crap over the last few weeks aobut a story I had been working on – it’s a story I came back to about 2 or 3 weeks ago and just decided to finish with regards to finally putting the idea down on paper and … well, FINISHING it.
It’s a nice piece of work, IMHO. I have to thank Tim for helping me out with a suggestion for the end. Big props!
This is the first story I’ve written without being tied to Long Ridge. I’m still a student, but I did this thing on my own and I’m pretty proud of it. Just shy of 3000 words, so it’s a bit longer than most of my stories I have written so far, but there are required thoughts because I did something with this story I never do with my writing:
I wrote it in the first person.
This isn’t an autobiographical tale, of course. It’s about a guy who gets fired and puts off dealing with it and gets in more trouble with his life. If and when it gets published — big If seeing how many authors are out there — I’ll post it here. Maybe I’ll submit it to Glimmer Train before the month is over?
It’s a good story. Those who are interested in reading it — just drop me a line.
Now all I have to do is get back to another couple of stories — Peter’s Problem for instance – which I am trying to write about in a notebook offline seeing I have reached an impasse with the story on my computer.
*Sigh* escape.
Just a little taste — part two
In a previous entry, I had given the opening of an ongoing story I am writing that hasn’t yet reached it’s end point and hasn’t yet been edited.
I think some people read that piece of writing and jumped to the wrong conclusions and got on me in part for it — others were just bored to shit and didn’t know what to make of it.
I’m posting the next little snippet just to keep myself occupied….
Read More
Assignmente's
Well, on a sidenote from yesterday that I forgot to mention, I received my last assignment package from Long Ridge Writers Group. It made me feel sorta proud and at the same time -nervous all over again if I am going to be able to complete this shit or not…. Between the two assignments there was some 300+ pages, it would seem. I’m probably exaggerating but at the same time there’s a good chance I am not.
I’m also having worries about having the oomphf to do assignment 6. Not the writing but I mean I am already committed to this story concept.. I’d rather be able to wing it again. Write on my terms, etc…
Actually this IS on my terms, I wrote the opening and concept for the story — I just don’t want to be committed to it right now because I had to stop cold instead of continuing on with the story when the idea was fresh in my mind….
Still looking for input
Still looking for input on submissions to a poetry contest. I got my favorites but I’d prefer to hear yours.
Another Glimmer Train contest
Poetry.
Anyone who knows me knows I did a good deal of poetry in my time and that I have a collection of some of my favorites on the site . I’ve been encouraged by others to go and have my poetry published and have tried in the past – only to be discouraged.
Well, I’m willing to give it another shot with Glimmer Trains LAST Poetry Contest.. I figure I have two outstanding (no pun intended) submissions with them as is, why not add a third or a fourth.
That’s where YOU come in though.
You see, I could easily submit one of my favorite poems on my poetry page to them, but I don’t know if that would be wise because it’s not the favorite that my friends have. Actually, I’m not sure what people’s favorites are on my poetry page. Give me your thoughts on this, I could use some guidance from people…
Editing Aggravations
The story I liked best that I wrote before I started Long Ridge, the story of Thomas and his death which I called Ignorant Bliss, is a mess right now. The focus doesn’t remain on Thomas at certain points and confuses the reader a bit, you don’t know certain facts until too late in the story (though you can’t know everything until later because you are supposed to be as ignorant as Thomas) and at 5000 words, I am going to have to edit the story down for submission.
I got my work cut out for me on my labor of love.
Editing can be a good thing. It can also be an aggravation especially when you are sort of happy what you wrote through Zen=writing with no editing. Just throw-it-out-until-you-are-done-and-damn-editing.
Of course, I earned a major ego boost with props i got for the editing job I did of my last assignment which used to appear on my Poetry section. So I know I am capable of editing it’s just a grand task. I am going to have to go back and edit the story I finished last night too, but I need some feedback before I even try that… Just for outside ideas what’s wrong with it.
….And I need to get my ass working on fresh ideas, because I’m coming from one direction with everything I write right now, which typecasts me. I want to be known as someone who has a wide variety genre’s instead of just one.
Wordsmith
I’ve been pressing myself to write today. I mean, I started with the “Peter’s Problem” story but I actually decided to put that on ice for now until I have the next urge. I started going back to other manuscripts that I started writing in the past and trying to finish those stories up – or at least contribute to them.
Yeah, piece by piece is what I am trying to add to stories. Some of them I had a clear plan with when I started them and others — well, others were a lot of just me writing what was on my mind – a vision — and hoping I found something to do with them.
Leah was over again this afternoon — 3 weeks in a row. I appreciate that because it ads another dimension to my day.
And for the sake of saying so, I looked into upgrading my web space on Dreamhost for the sake of allowing me to host more domains in the future.
"Inspired by a True Story"
When you meet a writer online and he can notice that you’ve got something worth re-telling, interesting things happen.
Just a little taste
I’m going to give you folks (my readers) a little chance to read a piece of that story (32 pages) that I am writing. if you’re interested in more – please say so… Click on the below link to check out the lead to the story.
Read More
Der Long Ridge
So you can see I was frustrated before — well, not frustrated per-se but I mean I was just a bit intimidated by it all — as I was reading through one of the books assigned to me through my writing course (The Best of the Magazine Markets 2003 edition) as part of Assignment 5…
I am in no way confident about this and am ready to do it over if need be – though I have the basis for the story in my head and could try to complete it now if I wanted to. This assignment is a two parter though – I don’t send the story, just the opening and a synopsis and some markets I would submit to.
Markets – blah. You wouldn’t believe how ridiculous I felt when I found one of those markets, thought it was a match, and saw who put this friggin’ thing out… Signs – yeah, right…
at any rate, I’m going to get the new assignment out in the mail tomorrow. That’s good, I really don’t want it hanging on my shoulders for the time being. The other good news — well, sorta good news — with my writing is I took another chance with a previous assignment and submitted Thank God for Arthur to Glimmer Train’s short story contest. Of course, I won’t find out how things go with that until the new year, but at the same time – it’s worth a shot. I still have another month to go before I find out how badly Conflicting Affections did in their very-short-story contest.
I should be more optimistic though — 1200 bucks for first prize is reason to remain optimistic. Same with the 1200 I would get in the Short Story contest if I came in first place there as well…
Not that’ll happen… but I’ve got to try to keep positive with some things in life if life won’t afford it to me elsewhere.
Research
Researching writing markets… blah!
Sadly and sardonicly ironic discoveries during research – double blah!
*grumble grumble*
Distractionless research – triple blah!
*grumble, grumble… grrrr*
5 Senses
5 Senses
Taste
– The words
– The longing
– The emotion
Feel
– The flavor
– The Memory
– The Realization
See
– The sweet nothings
– The touched
– The aching for more
Smell
– The Love
– The romance
– The desire
Hear
– Her perfume in the wind
– The kiss on the cheek
– His hand across your bare skin
© 2003 John P. Fontana
Downed
T minus a day and a matter of hours.
I ranted to a few people today about how I am right now and I really came to the clear realization I don’t like focusing on myself. I mean, I’ve been called selfish when I’m being a pain in the ass but I’m high strung with certain things — picky-choosy. That’s not being selfish. Being selfish is doling out one’s life over and over again and making yourself the subject of items. I don’t like to do that when I have bad news to share, I’d rather share the positives and we all know things aren’t exactly positive for me right now. Then again, i can share my negatives when I know I’m truly SHARING with someone and it isn’t just a casual relationship.
I also need something to prop me up, I guess, emotionally. Fluff my ego and all that. Friends have wanted to help me out if they can but there’s not much one can do to help. Some have said “I wish I could take away your problems” — that’s likewise. Others can just agree that things suck right now and get brash on the fact I’m down… While others ignore it, maybe it’ll go away?
A venerable cornucopia of reactions to a NF2 patient who’s about to have an operation on his spine.
In other news, I forgot to tell you all that Lou got back to me with lesson four and….
Loved it!
Oh, yeah, I still need to work on things. For all of my reviewing of the story (previously published on this site, “Thank god for Arthur” and my editing down of the story, it still had a few flaws, but it really came out good. I need to be more clear with italics (I tried a technique some authors use with italicizing personal thoughts, which was a no no),and get more comfortable with dialogue (I’m actually comfortable with it, it’s grammar around dialogue and quotes that I need to work on) but all in all…
“Mavelous, dahling!”
Any requests to see the finished product?
First Name Last, Last Name First
I started realizing a dilemma that I’m going to be facing if I am in the writing realm… It’s actually something I noticed a long long time ago but didn’t think it would have any effect on me because I didn’t know where I was going with things with my life. The fact I am getting into writing and — possibly — going to make a name for myself through fiction and other writings causes one slight, teensie little problem.
My name.
You see, John Fontana is a really popular guy. I mean REALLY popular. Not only was he a bartender in New York (My grandfather — known as Giovanni Petra to his parents, I believe, from what my mom was telling me) and the guy I got my name from… He also is a Senior Editor at Network World Fusion and Linux World, a writer for Infoworld and CRM Daily… Not to mention a baseball coach as well as a thousand other things out there.
John’s a popular guy… Real popular. I mean, he even worked on “Bag of Bones” for Stephen King!
Of course, JP Fontana is a wacky Frenchman writer and that causes me some more grief but not as much as I could be having over it.
I need to make a habit out of calling myself John P. Fontana (or J.P. Fontana — I like that one)… I could see a future where some guy gets a call asking to pen an article for a fiction magazine and they were looking for me the entire time… Or me getting asked “When did you get into writing like that, John? I thought you dealt with only the tech stuff?
Internet Boogie
So anyway….
I’ve been finishing going over assignment 4 and I actually killed off the happy-ending for the sake of the plot twist. Not so much a plot twist but a more realistic ending. If I had 2500 words or more, I probably would have further gone into things but alas – 2000 words is the limit and I’ll stay under it, thank you very much.
Meanwhile, I’ve been over at Blog for America and doing my regular political shuffle over at Kill the Web the past few days… Pretty often in fact… All of this and I’ve also been over at DeanFilter.com trying to add news bits here and there. I could use some help to be honest, because I don’t think I’m keeping things news-worthy….
Then again, I could also invest more time in this stuff… I proposed to Toe that it would be beneficial if I started coming up with some heavy political satire to go along with his outrageous and much loved/detested Gwbush04.com web site. I mean, just LOOK at this beautiful stuff he’s writing on his own…
Makes you wanna join the party, don’t it??
At any rate, I need to get my shit together and send out assignment 4… Also calling Doctor Smith’s office is going to be a necessity if I can’t find out some details about surgery or get in touch over the web…
Der Long Ridge and contested "Affections"
So as I stated in a previous entry that I got assignment 3 back on Saturday. After pinning Sunday and writing my entry for Monday on and off during the day before publishing it Monday morning… Well, I got back in the saddle with writing. Not writing, per se but editing.
Assignment 4 is due to be 1000-2000 words and I thought that there were ways to achieve that without trying to write a story fresh from scratch… even though I have a few concepts jotted down in a notebook I now can’t find, and plenty of stories I started but never finished, saved to my computer.
Back to the topic — Assignment 4. I decided to take a stab at editing “Thank God for Arthur” down to within the parameters… I was intimidated when I started — Seeing the unedited version of the story is 2791 words… Trimming 791+ words looked to be a task.
And yet, after just two simple passes over the story — I’m down to 1980 words… Pretty hot shit! I think it could be submitted as is. I’ll go over it again before printing out a copy and trying to spot errors in that before throwing out my final copies for the class.
Tres cool, no?
Meanwhile, I was looking around late last night on Pif Magazine while pinning and trying to find a local magazine to submit an edited Assignment 3 to… I stumbled across a writing magazine called Glmmter Train and decided to take a risk — a 10 dollar risk — and submit my edited version of Assignment 2 to their Very Short Fiction contest with a handsome 1200 dollar first place prize. Then again, I don’t know if they’ll even consider a story under 1000 words :(.
Maybe it was wrong of me to just dive in without researching Glitter Train much… but the hell with it — what did I have to lose (besides 10 dollars)? What do I have to gain?
A Questioned Chance
A Questioned Chance
Thumbed nose
At the bright red rose
And vile thoughts
At the offered olive branch
A questioned chance
Beliefs are worth their weight in gold
Giving heart back to you ten-fold
And stolen heart is what she holds
I must let go
I must let go
Seeking out, not quite on a whim
Seeing doubt from the hurt within
Void of a chance
Needing escape
Bullet holes
And tempting fate
Searching far, wide and beyond
Sycophant minion, just a pawn
Secure the mast and sail with me
Rising tide upon the sea
And growing weeds surround the rose
To which, with a twitch, she thumbed her nose
I feed the flames with the olive branch
What have you done to earn another chance?
© 2003 John Fontana
Top of the day entry
Seeing how it’s almost 10 AM I thought I would start the day off with a journal entry. I’m seeing Dr. Bartels inside 2 hours and I’m going to be talking turkey with medical stuff.
Ah, and to clarify something I said yesterday: I’ve been dealing with a story that I’ve written off-and-on the past few weeks right now. It’s going ok but I don’t know when I’ll close the story up or what I’ll do to close the story up for that matter. If I just keep going with it — and i don’t know how I can, I had one idea ironed out and I’ve gotten through that idea with 14 manuscript pages — I’ll find a closing spot… but right now as it stands it’s going to be a much more difficult thing to do for me than I would like it to be.
But that’s writing for you – it’s not always a joy… yet immersing yourself in writing and concentrating on it gives you escape from the world.
Trust in things…
Was writing today for the most part — as I was yesterday as well. Don’t feel quite up to a full entry, want to get away from the computer again…
Trust in things
beyond my doing
Faith in things
I can’t believe
Wanting things
That leave me yearning
Craving things
And the pain they leave
Telling you
In lingered silence
Seeing you
In the words you weave
Smelling you
In your sight for sore eyes
Loving you
And your careless deeds…
Ambling Verse
I could continue to rant about my health situation or my current writing assignment but instead I wanted to bring up some old writing for the sake of just filling this entry up with something besides the same-old stuff. One thing about “Staying drunk on writing” as Bradbury didn’t say, is that sometime — you need to refill your bottle in order to get drunk again and it’s a hard thing to do.
I Want to Write Your Song
I want to write your song
Dabbling through the sounds and things
Using guitars, snare drums and strings
WIth a joyous tune that makes everyone sing…
I want to write your song
One that mirrors your personality
One that touches your fantasies
One that’s as captive as your beauty
I want to write your song
Yet the words keep coming out wrong
Why can’t I see
Your delicacy
Is a tune that can’t be put into words?
© 2003 John P Fontana
The Horizon…
The horizon
An unobstructed view of the West
Where the fading light shows it’s wide spectrum of brilliance
Dimmed on the palette of mother night
The horizon –
Where will tomorrow lead?
Will encounters in the West will leave another impression
On this stranger?
And as we dance towards the farscape in our
Winged Chariot
I can only hope I can find peace within the fleeing light
And inspiration through my solitude.
© 2000 John P. Fontana
I'm Ranting on Ranting and non-fiction!
I don’t get it. I honestly don’t fucking get this.
How come an opinionated asshole like myself has written dozens of rants on topics from local roads to Dubya and had them published as letters to the editor in the newspaper, has had thousands of rants (be they sports related and or political related or music related or what) posted on message boards across the Internet, and yet I don’t feel comfortable at all writing out this non fiction assignment?!? UGH!
I mean, you do a search on Google for me + the St. Petersburg Times and the following is just some of what will show up (you’ll have to scroll down for each of these letters most of the time:
Light Rail should be Joint Venture
Rail Transit Plans have some big holes in them
"Sunset
Point crossroads needs Overpass" – only one of several letter’s I’ve
written with regard to US 19
"Mass
Transit Could work if Counties combined efforts"
"What if views had been conservative?"
"We Didn’t Deserve the Olympics"
Scientology and Anti-semitism displayed in St. Pete Times letters section
That’s just a brief glimpse of stuff I’ve ranted about. Plus those who know my journal know full well I have ranted on and on about other things and other concerns of mine in here… I already made mention of that in a recent entry into this journal.
It drives me friggin’ INSANE knowing I can write all these short quips about things that concern me but now that I have to write 1000 words on them I’m shit out of nerve to do it. Someone pinch me, someone cuddle with me and someone re-assure before smacking me and telling me to snap out of it and get with it, that this is no big thing and I’m making a mountain out of a molehill.
The Air of Destiny
The Air of Destiny
The air of destiny
Often starts as a odorless breeze
Lacking resemblence of what it will become
Time passes, fools come into power
Rivers forge new banks with the spring flood
And the scent lingers on the air
Guiding its minions and revelars on a collision course with
Fate
Tides change and the air grows heavy
You find yourself enthused on a rocky trail
Breathing in the alotment of your life
Feeling a drive inside you
And a lusting hunger for the
Sweet scent that surrounds you
And at long last, the air of destiny blows at a torrent
Hair whipping in the cutting breeze
It is your duty to face this
Accept it
Nurture it
Make love to it
Or face damnation by fleeing from it
© 2003 John P. Fontana
Finito — Assignment 1 returned
Well, my first Long Ridge Writers Group was returned to me by Lou Fisher and the response was pretty admirable — for 500 words. Now I get to seriously start looking at my next assignment of 750-1000 words and I sort of shudder right now because I just can’t focus properly on it. Oh, I can write 1000 words on someone or a situation but it doesn’t exactly fit my assignment parameters of writing a situation up. Got to find discipline. Got to make it interesting.
Meanwhile I wrote another story that fit inside these parameters and mimicked just how I was feeling this morning. The problem was that this story is utterly depressing and involves a guy sitting on a bench with a gun in his hand, contemplating his end.. Depressing but it all ends up as a good piece of writing. Unfortunately it’s too autobiographical in a fantasy sense to really make me feel good but it came out cleanly and for a time it made me feel better.
Writings been an escape. An escape that doesn’t last but an escape none the less. Be it good poetry, be it these journal entries, be it short stories, be it instant message conversations with someone who can hold a conversation – it’s escape. Ray Bradbury put it great when he stated that you have to stay drunk on writing or else the rest of the world will destroy you. By investing yourself in your writing you immerse yourself in another world – you get out your own feelings, your own aggravations, your own fantasies and purge yourself of what has been hanging over you.
Of course that doesn’t solve problems of wanting a friend to comprehend what they did and how it isn’t as acceptable as they perceive it. *Sigh* I hate the phrase, “What goes around comes around” but that’s the only thing that gives me peace of mind over things. Sure my heart may mend in the future and I might be able to talk with this friend again but at the same time — the preferable way for things to be fixed is understanding/comprehension and not such selfishness. “I need this, I needed that. I wanted that.. I have to find a way around that.” It’s Erie when someone makes it that way. It’s Erie when someone assumes three weeks is supposed to be enough time for someone to get over a broken heart they helped destroy.
Be Honest With Me
Be honest with me
How many times –
– Does a sparkle energize?
– Does a ruby’s glamour cry?
– Does an angel comb it’s wings?
How many crimes does it
Take to scrutinize
Old men hiding secrets
And their oil companies?
Tell me what defines –
– The tying of fresh binds?
– Silly little love songs?
– My desire to appease?
Where are all the women
And their honey-pots of gold?
With amber-waves of auburn hair
And gentle, pleasant souls?
Fortune running over me
And none the less is saved
Shadows edging harmony while
Fools and morons play
Be honest with me
I am not what I may seem
Lusting change
And Lightning games
With nights of ecstacy.
© 2003 John P. Fontana
No true entry because this old poem sums things up…
What Am I….
What am I supposed to do?
Just call her name
And get off the train –
Loneliness
Southbound
Cartoon Express
A fixture through the mess –
Her face, and my memory there of
And the desires unquenched
As the fifth Beatle
Who has never crossed Abby Road
Artfully dodging –
Responsibilities
That take place in love:
Speak
Feel
Express
Not repress
To me It’s all a fantasy
Like a child going through a toy chest
© 1997 John P. Fontana
