The all-too-commmon ill communications of online dating

There’s one thing that tops every little caveat you can find ion someone’s profile on a dating site. Communications can top all, though it won’t lead to dating or a romantic relationship in some cases (all those caveats do play in to things that way), but it can be a positive and fulfilling experience for people participating in the shot-in-the-dark known as online dating.

It’s socializing, and it’s a necessity in life as well as trying to make headway with a stranger.

It’s not supposed to be a rare feat or a ungodly challenge, but it seems to be getting that way. In my experience, at least. While I’ve been on a multitude of dating sites oer the years, what has turned into a rarity is actually a back-and-forth message exchange. In fact, right now, I’m on Match.com (the top of the dating site pops… or at least the business leader of the game) and while I’ve been on it since October, I have not had a woman reply to a message I send them. While I’ve had women reach out to me on dating attempts in the past, none have attempted such in yyears.

It’s noteworthy the women who did reach out to me are still in my life (well, all sans one who I had a bad date with). All are friends. That’s an aspect of these dating attempts (or socializing attempts) that people ought to accept: The fact just talking to someone might earn you a friendship with someone who you hadn’t known before.

Yet socializing is a no-no, I guess. Are guys now supposed to come off like horny jerks and just go “Hey, babycakes! I like your smile and your profile piques me! Let’s get together and see how hot we  can make it”? It sure as shit should be more than “Hi, how are you?” which keeps a person blank in the simple socializing attempt.

What would be nice, I not negative, is simply a “No thanks” or reply of some sorts that indicates there is no chatter going to happen after sendcing a message. Is it rude? Not when I compare it to the silence that rules the roost. It’s still socializing, it’s also shutting the door that you’re just trying to crack open.

Anyway, I’m on Match.com as I said. I realize profiles can be turn-downs to those who read them. I’ll post my “About Me” text here for humor sake. The reason I wrote it this way was specifically because of being a writer and not wanting to do the bland profile thing (“Hi, I’m a single man and I like to go out and have fun. Looking for a girl who wants the same”). It’s been up since October and while I’ve had a good number of views, I have had no contact. Blech.

Is it wrong to be off color like this?:

Well, hi, I’m John. I’m currently your profile-read for (at least) the next couple of seconds. Our specials are inanity, conversation, humor, hockey and creativity….

What’s that? I beg your pardon? You want me to be more direct? Like the other people who crow “I like to have fun” “I’m looking for something real” and “I’m looking for a lively date with no strings attached”? No, no, I’m not going in that direction. Sorry!

OK, okay, I’ll say it — I’m looking to make friends and hopefully That Special Someone™ comes by way of it. I want to get to know someone and learn if we click or not. I do want a relationship, a real one that lasts for ages, but it’s important I get to know you and you get to know me. And not in the “Hihowareyouletshangoutyouwanttohavedrinks?Youlookniceletshavefunanddanceandthisishotwannaakeoutsmoochsmoochthisisn’tworkingright,nicetoknowyoubuh-bye” sort of way.

(bonus points for anyone who doesn’t get annoyed at that mess of a joke. )

Now what can I tell you? Everyone wants to know different things and some of you expect to only teach them in-person over time. In-person contact is sort of difficult for me because I have disabilities (…which is why you see my profile filled with images of me in sunglasses). I’ve got a very rare genetic condition and– Oh, c’mon! Don’t leave! I’m still worth getting to know!

I’ve been on this site for a while and I very rarely get contacted, let alone get responses to messages I send. I’m not out for a hook-up or a one nighter (and those aren’t the types of messages I send), I’m out for making contact and that contact growing into more… But it’s a process, which is a truth to making friends period. It starts by having conversation that grows, it goes fro there.

If there’s something else “About Me” I can tell you, ask. If something I’ve said has made you curious, ask. If you’re bored and lacking a conversation and no one is reaching out – drop me a line. Making a contact is okay. Making a friend is good. Making a friend who grows into more is great. I’m worth a shot, I promise.

Personality Test result: ESFP. Probably would come up different in another test but I haven’t tried a second test yet.

Look up “Johnny_Fonts” on Match if you want to see this actually exists. You have to be a member even to get access.