Month: February 2004
Troubled Waters
Something’s been bothering me for a while and I have put off talking about it in here for the sake of being a lazy shit – I’ve planned to write about it for a while but I just haven’t gotten around to doing it. It’s something that affects my family – or at least a member of my family – directly while the rest of my family is affected by it indirectly.
(Side positive note – at least it’s not a problem I am facing that is coming down on the rest of my family…. For a change :tongue )
No, this problem is affecting Andy directly. My younger brother who lives on his own with his girlfriend and her two kids. And even with this problem, it’s not Andy himself who is inflicted with the problem – he’s just the one who has to carry part of the blunt weight of this problem on his shoulders.
You see, Andy’s girlfriend’s son, Austin, has a bit of a problem right now… Something inside isn’t right and I don’t mean some type of disease like I have – but emotionally and possibly mentally not right. He has always pissed me off a bit for not understanding me and the fact I can’t understand him, he’s always come off a little hyper as well and I figured like “that”, you know?
But, and I am not fully aware of what is going on so believe me when I say this can be very inaccurate… Austin is having “rages” of sorts. He’s four years old and, instead of temper tantrums, he is going into fits of kicking, screaming, biting, clawing and such and then when it’s over he has no memory of what happened. Someone suggested the kid might be bi-polar at four-years-old?
And I experienced some of his oddities last time he was over here that sorta pissed me off at the time. He woke me up as I was taking a nap — staring at me and just making me notice him… He also went into hiding in my brother’s empty bedroom… Hiding behind the door. I noticed he was there and I started asking him why he was there. No response. No, he just started shutting the door and I wanted to know what was up. The kids (Austin and his sister, Elizabeth) aren’t supposed to be upstairs when they aren’t with someone… I asked, he pushed the door closed. I pushed back and he pushed harder. Now, the only problem with this is I am the gimpy one right now — still rehabbing and such…
I ended up getting pissed off and just shouting, “Fine kid! Fine!” I was already upset with how I had been “treated” that night and wanted no part of finding out what was going on with Austin….
But now I feel real bad if he is really… unstable? Not just for Austin himself (being one that knows the troubles of growing up afflicted) but for Andy and his GF. It’s a load of weight for him to carry on his shoulders at 23 and I certainly wou8ldn’t want to be in that situation…
I pray that he can get through it and come out on top.
The Roundup
Haven’t said very much about me lately and where I stand on a lot of issues — well, not politics and such but me me me…
Selfish? Maybe — this is my web site however so…
Lets see — I did say I felt like a Nowhere Man yesterday and that is indeed the truth to things — maybe that’s feeling sorry for myself as I try to rehab but it feels like the truth. I got nothing going on, no idea where I am going to, etc…
Meanwhile, what’s going on with my writing? I’ll tell you exactly what is going on — nothing. Sadly at that. I can’t get the get-go to write, and I can’t finalize stories. I still have two assignments to do for the Long Ridge Writers Group and I can’t quite do them :sad
I am supposed to start outpatient therapy next week which is certainly a plus – it’ll get me out of the house 3 times a week and help me attain my goal of getting my ass back into shape… The only problem is, when I get back to being a mobile being, I still have both physical and mental obstacles to overcome… And social, can’t forget social…
I'm a real….
Nowhere Man
(Lennon/McCartney)
He’s a real nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans
For nobody
Doesn’t have a point of view,
Knows not where he’s going to,
Isn’t he a bit like you and me?
Nowhere Man, please listen,
You don’t know what you’re missing,
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command
He’s as blind as he can be,
Just sees what he wants to see,
Nowhere Man can you see me at all?
Doesn’t have a point of view,
Knows not where he’s going to,
Isn’t he a bit like you and me?
Nowhere Man, don’t worry,
Take your time, don’t hurry,
Leave it all till somebody else
Lend you a hand
He’s a real Nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans
for nobody
Wedding Announcement Cover Boy
Ain’t it cool? I have one of my poems going on the cover of my friend Raquel’s wedding announcement list… because it’s about a beach wedding…
Roc, as we call her, is going to mail me a copy just so I can see how it came out on the announcement list.
Wow — the SAG's shock the public — RE: Jonathan Brandis' Death
Well, you find out sooner than later and in this case it’s later instead of sooner.
I’m looking at my logs and everyone was searching Sunday Night for the news of Jonathan Brandis’ death after Brandis was mentioned during the Screen Actors Guild awards to have departed this world last year….
…And everyone ended up coming to der Stonegauge and the ongoing Brandis thread.
Bin Laden and Bushisms
A report that Bin Laden has been located in Pakistan and is being surrounded by American forces:
A quote I find particularly amusing is:
The special forces are “absolutely confident” there is no escape for bin Laden, and are awaiting the order to go in and get him.“The timing of that order will ultimately depend on President Bush,” the paper says. “Capturing bin Laden will certainly be a huge help for him as he gets ready for the election.”
Right… Lets see him hold off until just before the Republican National Convention to do so — boosting his ratings to the roof while Lurch continues his march to obscurity….
Backbeat
I used to own Backbeat back before I went to DVD in 1998. I started a VHS ban when I bought my DVD player in 1998 and that basically shut me out of watching my Backbeat video. Polygram Entertainment didn’t have the movie on DVD until just last year…
Well, I have it right now — rented it form Netflix.
I can go into detail about the synopsis of the film but that’s not exactly what I want to talk about. What I wanted to talk about because of a scene that just passed was John Lennon and how not only the movie portrayed him but how I know him from what I read… How different he is from myself but how much of the same he is too.
I’m into astrology a bit and I like Libras from what I have encountered. I know I can fight with Aries, I know I can have a good time with Gemini’s and Pisces’s, but it’s Libra’s that I can most identify with… I feel sort of a kinship with them even though we come from different backgrounds and different trains of thought in life – it all comes back to certain underlying personality traits to me.
John’s a Libra — Born 2 days after myself — well, but 39 years before me…
At any rate – there is a rage in Lennon in this portrayal by Ian Hart (who does an absolutely superb job. He looks like Lennon as a teen in the famous Wooten-Fete photograph) which coverts up known facts about Lennon – his insecurity, his troubled past. John’s father left him when he was young, his mother left him as well — dropping him with his Aunt Mimi.. She (John’s mother – who was immortalized in the Beatles song Julia) was later killed when she was hit by a car. John often covered this sense John’s anguish – his loneliness — is displayed well by Hart, especially in the face of the possibility of losing best friend Stuart Sutcliffe to a local girl (world famous photographer Astrid Kirchherr). The slow lose of Stu to love drives Lennon mad.
How many times have we all be jealous of losing someone to the world?
How many times have you been jealous having someone move on in life when you ant very much for them to stay?
I can identify with that quit ewell… But this isn’t the first movie that I could identify with one of the characters….
And to take John’s send off to Stuart and Astrid at the end of the movie:
Love me tender…. Love me sweet…. Never let me go…. Yiou’ve made my life complete, and I love you so…(followed by a “fuck it, lets go” )
…ebbs cross my memory's face
Everything comes crashing down for me tonight because of the most mundane and stupid stuff, but it still happens becasue of memories and awareness.
A hockey game, an article in Sports Illustrated and I have a mini panic attack (well, not exactly – just got upset). Thinking of places and people and things past… And the blunt traum a of my heart having to let go.
Thing slike this used to occur to me a lot of the time, clouding my thoughts no matter what I did. Fortunately it doesn’t happen that much or at all. BUt still – things got bad enough tonight for me to write about it here in order to get it out of my head….
The Tampa Bay Lightning weblog
I launched Boltsmag last week. It’s another Blog devoted to the NHL but I’m not sure how many southern hockey teams have Blogs like this….
…Hell, there aren’t many fan pages for the Lightning, let alone a full weblog like I am running now.
I also could use contributors – someone who is a devote message board poster might work best.
LOST!! My Precious is LOST!!!
No not my ring, I know where that is….
No, not that precious either -it was never lost…
No, it’s my Playstation 2. It’s lost. As in missing. As in out of place. As i don’t know WHERE the hell it is right now.
I sent it to Sony on January 30th along with a C note to pay repair costs. I forgot to add some information they requested and that helped lead the way for it getting lost. Next, I can’t track the package thanks to the USPS not automatically giving package tracking to the box…. Strike two.
Thirdly? The check — the C note — hasn’t cleared with my bank yet, meaning they haven’t had the check return, no one has tried cashing it.
Strike three, yer out!
There is still hope, that being time. I don’t know how long it takes Sony to go through items in it’s tech service centers…
But for the time being, I am upset. Woah is me. Lost, my precious is lost!
And I was having so much FUN too with Grand Theft Auto: Vice City… :sad
Winter? Over?
I’m full of shit, I admit it… .
day after I post those lyrics — sixty degrees in Tampa… Same for tomorrow.
Fun :tongue That’s a warm temperature to most people – but for someone not living with ultra-cold all winter, it is chilly enough to suggest winter is still here.
Winter's Almost Over
For those of you who are suffering through the frigidness of the north… I post the following just as a reminder that there is a light at the end of the tunnel….
Here Comes The Sun
(George Harrison)
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it’s all right
Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it’s all right
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it’s all right
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…
Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it’s all right
It’s all right
© 1969 Northern Songs LTD / Apple Corp LTD.
Sorry, was listening to it and – damnit, I thought everyone should realize the end of this winter is upon you….
Rented Movie Reviews
So on this post bitter-singles day, I have for you a pair of films I have seen in the past 24 hours:
The Sum Of All Fears: Ben Affleck takes over the role of Jack Ryan from Harrison Ford with this prequel/sequel to the Jack Ryan movies. Personally I never cared for Ford in the role of Ryan, and The Hunt for Red October happens to be my favorite Clancy film (even with it’s cheesey special effects and it’s terrible mock ups of submarines). At any rate, this film moves a young version of Jack Ryan — CIA analyst — into the 21st century which sorta makes things weird. The Hunt for Red October was supposed to have happened around 1985… The other films in the series (Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger – two titles, by the way, that George W. Bush has no comprehension of the meanings) I have no clue when they were supposed to have happened but they starred the elder Harrison Ford after Alec Baldwin launched the Jack Ryan series with Hunt
ok, enough of the explaining… what did I think of the film?
Well, not being someone who has read the book, I enjoyed Sum even though the plot was confusing at times. The film is basically a nuclear standoff between the US and Russia as Neo-Nazi terrorists attempt to start war between the two nations. I actually liked Ben Affleck playing Jack Ryan – a mix of every-man instead of super-hero from what Harrison Ford brought to the role. When one watched the original Jack Ryan film, Red October, you saw Jack didn’t want to be there when sent to do something because he was expendable (“Next time, Jack, just write a god damned memo.” ) An all star cast of James Cromwell, Morgan Freeman, Liev Schreiber and Bridget Moynahan — meow! — round out this film. Worth a viewing – even if it drags at points.
Intolerable Cruelty: You know, i didn’t have my hearing device on when I watched this film and I have a strange thing happen every time I watch a George Clooney film — I think of him as speaking in a southern drawl, much like he di din his role in O, Brother, Where art thou? . I guess it’s just his mannerisms — I just can’t believe he would straight talk through this role of Miles Massey when Miles Massey seems totally obsessed with his teeth and white smile.
The film premise is simple — it’s about divorce and Miles Massey is the best divorce lawyer around. Cathrine Zeta-Jones (meow!) is a man eater, looking to get hitched, get divorced and make a ton of money off it. Of course, these two collide and that’s the basis for the entire film. Sure we get lessons on love and such, with a few laughs in between… but I can’t help wondering how gay Miles Massey’s assistant, Wrigley, happens to be?
You have to wonder if someone writing a review, bringing that question up, actually enjoyed the movie? I did, I honestly did… but there was a little comfortableness about the movie. I usually get this with Coen Brother movies but it doesn’t mean there is anything bad with the film. This is worth a viewing and I won’t spoil it with any more talk. :grin
Anyway, I hope to publish my list of movies rented in the past year an a general thumbs up/thumbs down next to each movie. We’ll see what happens…
"Lost in" Understanding
Maybe it’s just me and I understand artsy-fartsy better than others?
Maybe it was because I wasn’t listening as-so-much reading the dialog, but I happened to enjoy Sophia Coppola’s Lost in Translation starring Bill Murray as an out of place American.
The entire premise of the movie is that – being out of place. Be it physical location, be it where you are in life or whatever – being out of place or not understanding your surroundings and trying to cope is what Lost In Translation basically amounts to.
Now, for those ho can deal with the artsy-fartsy, for those who can deal with less dialog and more imagery — this is a worthy movie for you. For those of you who can’t go on that, who can’t thrive on the social – it’s not a film for you. My father gave a firm thumbs down to the movie before even finishing it. Why? “Nothing Happens” was the excuse given. Indeed – nothing does happen. No slap-stick comedy, no bombs going off, no one liners, no thrills… It’s nothing you would expect Bill Murray to star in, nor is it something that you expect to headline the local multi-plex. It’s hard to understand if you are expecting a show that gets you interested right away with something happening or with a certain image – the image of Murray being driven to the hotel from the airport doesn’t exactly pull you in…. and obviously it didn’t pull my father in….
Lost is certainly Academy Award fodder and I have to hope both Sophia Coppola and Bill Murray can pull in awards for this… Of course, I am also pulling for a certain Hobbit-like director to take home a best-director Oscar, so it’ll be a very interesting finish to this award season.
The Whereabouts of a certain writer..
Where’s John been?
Last entry before my little ode to bitter-singles day was on the 8th of this month. That’s a virtual eon with how I’ve been conducting things on the site since last March….
Well, to be honest, I figured “Who actually reads this” and didn’t figure I needed to tell anything… Hell, I had nothing to tell besides passing thoughts that I let wander away… that and maybe a post or two that went on Boltsmag. Nothing important. Nothing relevant.
A Year Ago
A year ago, I was in love.
Yes John was in love.
And it was the beginning of the end of that love and the first signs of a shit year that I was due to have.
Put off, led on, put off, strung along, that is how I would term things and how they’ve been with a former friend and former desire. Someone who I felt so comfortable with and yet even when the relationship seemed so mutual – it wasn’t. No, there was this underlying, unspoken dread that never came out honestly. The shifting, the bullshitting, the tap-dancing around issues… You would have thought that George W. Bush or one of his administration officials were in charge of running things between us…
You would think that at least I could have retained a friend through all this but that isn’t the case either. No, someone stopped being a friend when they were too tense to deal with me in a time of need. My bitter beginning of my resurrection post is an ode to that.
But where am i now? In the realm of bitterness, I can’t help but think about the past and think about the good times over the bad. I can’t help but think of the dreams and the past wants. Then I remember some of the things said and done and I just have it handed to me, the fact that the past is dead and done with. It’s been tossed to the garbage and only given passing thoughts by parties who were involved within these events, thoughts, memories, desires, etc.
I’ve kept my silence about things for a few months – though bitterness has been with me throughout over things and how they came to pass and such. That’s the one thing that won’t be acknowledged or thought highly of by anyone but it’s one moral standing that I’ve kept throughout the good times and bad – I’ve tried to take the high road with things even when I find out the ridiculous is the truth. I’ve given extra chances and wanted for those chances to work out but alas, the old proverb “Hurt me once – shame on you, hurt me twice – shame on me” held true.
Here’s to the lonely hearts out there, and those who regret their actions in the past…. Here’s to those who cherish what they have, and those who cherish what they chase. Here’s to those who face up to things, and here’s to those who realize they’ve got more than they deserve….
Happy Valentines Day
Pathetic…
FOXNews.com – Foxlife – TV Viewer Sues Over Janet Bra-Ha-Ha
Bank worker Terri Carlin (search) wants compensation for herself and millions of viewers “injured” by the lewd behavior of Jackson and fellow performer Justin Timberlake (search) during Sunday’s Super Bowl coverage.
On Wednesday Carlin filed a proposed class-action lawsuit in federal court in Knoxville, Tenn., against Jackson, Timberlake, broadcasters MTV and CBS and their parent company, Viacom.
Give me a break… This woman is just as pathetic – an opportunist – as a lawyer who chases after Ambulances in search of clients, or a hot woman who mariries a rich guy just before his death to inherit cash (hi Anna Nicole!)….
Ah-chooooooo
Where there’s spring, there’s pollen….
Where there’s pollen, there’s allergies….
Where there’s allergies, there’s John…
It could be, it might be… it is?!
THe scent of pollen is in the air, things are starting to take a greener shade and of course there is a warm snap here….
It looks and smells like spring in Florida… It’s only the first week of February and spring seems to be here…
Pitchers and catchers report soon, of course, which underlines this fact… Valentines Day is also fast approaching which usually is spring-ish here (spring love and all that BS)…
Ah yes, the long and dry season will give away to a drier season here in the SUnshine state until it gets too friggin hot to enjoy the Florida sun…
(that’ll be April :tongue )
Good day sunshine
It’s been a long time since I had myself a good day…. Just a positive day with the outlook actually better than it had been.
Of course, last time I had a stellar day was the day I came home from the hospital two months ago to the day. Of course, the good day I am talking about was yesterday so it isn’t 2 months ago to the day but… Oh, technicalities :tongue.
Yesterday wasn’t good because of something happening, it was just a good vibe in general over my life again. The “distant light” that I alluded to back in January is about 15 feet in front of me now — as the Goal I set for myself might be a little hint on that. I’m not sure on my feet but I can stand on my own, I’ve been practicing walking, I’ve been getting out on my own.
I’m thinking about trying to do things again that involve me getting out of the house — wondering how long it will be before i am fully capable of it. Going to work? Visiting my friend Bill in Orlando? Taking in a Lightning game (I am chafing at the bit over that one)?
Spring is clearly in the air here in Florida and I just have that positive vibe starting to surround me again in some ways and not in others. It’s good to feel positive for a change and not just dull wonder….
Setting a goal
I’ve got 28 days before my next appointment (well, practically 27 now but that’s besides the point).
I’m trying to set a goal for myself for that one. I want to walk, unassisted, into the doctor’s office. That’s a tall order for me as I am sitting here right now — but it is something I can accomplish. I’m sure of it.
Time will tell.
GROUNDHOG DAY!!
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(if you weren’t aware, “get it right” was meant to mean mosey along in your web browsing……)
Coming or not, here it is…
Well, just in case it DOES happen, here’s the logo for that Lightning site I was talking about in a previous entry….
