From bad to worse

Come on baby, gonna take a little ride
Down, down by the ocean side
Gonna get real close
Gonna get real tight
Come on babe, gonna drown tonight
Going down, down, down….

Things are real bad right now. Steadily getting worse. Through all this I want to talk with one person. I want to go back to the past with one person.

The past is dead though. If not by time, by actions of others. By words, by decisions. I can’t bring myself to try to bring up the past through the hurt and at the same time if I do it will only lead to more hurt. Not the comforting hand that I so dearly miss. And I know that the other side won’t make an attempt.

It’s my own shred of selfishness… but of course my shred doesn’t include pushing people away, avoiding, falsely accusing, falsely blaming, ignoring and the like.

And through all this, I still miss her. Or at least miss the memory of what she once was and what she’s trying to distance herself from.