Month: October 2002

Daylight Savings Time is over, rejoice!

And now for something completely different. Or completely the same but not on topic to me whining about current events. I’m going to bring up something from my past. From far in my past — 6 or 7 years ago to be exact. It’s something I need to get off my chest and something I need the general masses to see not because I think it is of dire importance but it’s of importance to me.

You see, when I was back in high school I got my first job in 1995 bagging groceries at Albertsons supermarket about 2 miles from my house. When I think of the job now, I just think of how I loathed bagging groceries for other people who didn’t treat me like anything. People who laughed because of my hearing problems and such like that.

What I only once-in-a-while think of are the people I worked with, the people that I hung out with, those who I made friends with.

I think back and I can’t even remember everyone’s name now but I can think of one person I wronged. Well, two people I wronged when you bring up my mouth and my insults. One hurt led to another and the other hurt might have gone way too far and physically inflicted pain on someone.

Would you believe someone could cause another person a heart attack if they have feelings for that person and that person upsets them?

Dina Cullers. The name Dina Cullers brings back the memory of a friend of mine who had feelings for me – or at least I think she did. I turned on Charisma on that job like I had never known before I started working, and one of the people who got caught up in the humor was Dina. Dina was in her 20’s and a former Countryside High School student. She had diabetes and she….

I also had a friend named Nina… I can’t remember her exact last name but it was Beards or Beers or something like that. Nina was someone I had a slight crush on and unfortunately we ended up going in opposite directions as friends. One day I blew up at her while I was frustrated and tired and annoyed she didn’t help out pack groceries while I was overworked… I held that against her.

A few days later the whole situation came to a head and everything just went very very bad… I think I should have gotten fired but I didn’t…. The point isn’t the fact I blew up at Nina (which I’d apologize for if I could), it’s the fact that Dina thought I was mad at her… She asked me if I was mad at her and I just got frustrated because I didn’t want to explain it and…

And now Dina’s dead.

I think that was the last time I ever interacted with her… With someone I knew had a thing for me, with a person that didn’t have many bright spots in her life. She was a diabetic, she still lived at home. She couldn’t drive. So many things that are like me now and for so many years I’ve taken responsibility or felt like I was responsible in part for her death.

How? Maybe it’s the hopeless romantic in me but it was Broken Heart that did it. The fact I acted the way I did, she left to go home and she died of a diabetes related heart attack. Sure that says right there that she had a reason other than me, but I still think I upset her enough to help it along. Or did I? Have I kept her in my head in some ways all these years just for the sake of someone remembering her? Have I given myself too much “credit” for amount of hurt I caused?

In either case. I’m sorry Dina…. Too little, too late, but I’m sorry and I won’t forget you.